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February 13, 2015, 6:55 amA Tired Mom..
A tired mom, opened the front door of her home to find a young minister from the neighborhood who said, "I'm collecting donation's for the new children's home we are building. I hope you'll give what you can.
"To be sure, " said the beleaguered woman, I'll give you two boy's, two girl's, or one of each."
January 31, 2015, 4:22 pmtaken from Flying cow bulletin
My cousin was behind the bakery's cash register one morning when a gunman burst in and demanded all the cash. As she nervously handed over the money, she noticed the roll's of coin's in the back of the register. Do you want the roll's too? she asked,. No, said the robber, waving his gun, just the money."
January 29, 2015, 2:43 pmTaking a short hiatus from keno after today!
I will be playing keno today, then after that taking a few day's off, as it is disheartening when I play the number's I think will show up for a few day's and they aren't showing. So it get's frustrating, where I need to step back from it.
The number's seem to be very fickle, and do not show up on time.
So I need to try another angle..
January 18, 2015, 8:13 amMy nephew fell on a patch of ice last night;
My adult nephew that live's with me, fell on some ice last night in front of condominium's, he didn't see the ice and slid, and hit his head and hurt his knee.
Him, being stubborn, that he is, does not want to go to the hospital to be checked out by doctor's. He may have a concussion or some type of head injury or may have hurt his knee, more than he realize's, but he stubbornly went out for a walk, instead of to the hospital, to be examined.
I am stressed out today, but hopefully thing's will improve, in one way or another..
Last Edited: January 18, 2015, 8:15 am
January 13, 2015, 1:40 pmA Midwest farmer
A Midwest farmer was describing his lifestyle to a touring group of city folk's. One of the benefit's of this profession, he explained, is that we have built- in weather prediction's." What do you mean by that? asked one inquisitive visitor. When the cow's are standing, the farmer explained, it mean's no rain is likely for the next twenty-four hour's. When they're lying down, it mean's it's going to rain. On our bus trip, another visitor piped in, "I saw half the herd standing and the other half lying down. What does this mean? " The farmer flashed a smile and answered, That mean's half of them are wrong."
January 10, 2015, 9:36 amAs a resident physician in radiology;
Funny story taken from the flying cow bulletin:
As a resident physician in radiology, I was speaking with the man whose wife was about to receive a CAT scan of the chest. While the nurse was placing the intraveneous line, I asked the husband if his wife had undergone any more test's. The man named several procedure's involving various body part's, but he couldn't remember one particular test. Thinking out loud, he said, "What is the thing that women have that men don't?" His wife was quick to answer, "A brain, dear."
December 30, 2014, 4:09 pmI am not making any new year's resolution's..
I tried making resolution's in the past; because other people were doing it, only to fail.
Such as getting the money to rent a apartment or rent or buy a house. That didn't happen.
I put alot of pressure on myself to be like everybody else. And I am not like everybody else.
I walk by pretty house's and wander what kind of live's the people have that live in them.
So now i will just take one day as it come's, that is my resolution..
So everybody else, you should not put pressure on yourselve's either..
Resolving to go at your own speed.
Last Edited: December 30, 2014, 4:10 pm
December 9, 2014, 1:55 pmQuotes to live by...
It is not how much we have, but how much we enjoy, that makes happiness.
- Charles Spurgeon
A successful man is one who can lay a firm foundation with the brick's other's throw at him.
- David Brinkley
Exercise is a dirty word. Every time I hear it, I wash my mouth out with chocolate.
- Charles M. Schultz
November 14, 2014, 1:04 pmDuring training exercises,
During training exercise's, a lieutenant who was driving down a muddy back road encountered another car stuck in the mud with a red- faced general at the wheel, "Your jeep stuck, sir?" enquired the lieutenant as he pulled alongside, "Nope, " replied the general, coming over and handing him the key's, "Your's is."
October 18, 2014, 4:55 pmA couple drove down a country road.
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goat's and pig's, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relative's of your's?"
"Yep," the wife replied, in-law's."
August 16, 2014, 8:39 amA man owned a small farm
A man owned a small farm in the Annapolis Valley. The Labour Board claimed he was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent to interview him. " You just give me a list of your employees and tell me how much you pay them.' " All right,' said the farmer. "I' have a hired man. Been with me for three year's. I pay him $600 a week, plus room and board. I have a cook. She's been here six month's. She get's $500 a week, plus room and board. " Anybody else? asked the agent as he scribbled on a note pad. "Yeah, " the farmer said. "This guy is none too bright. Work's about eighteen hour's a day. I pay him ten dollars a week and give him chewing tobacco." "Aha!" the agent roared. "I want to talk to that man!" "Speaking," said the farmer.
July 29, 2014, 6:03 pmI dialed the 911 operator accidently!
I was attempting to press the #111 on a cell phone to add air time, and instead pressed # 911, because I wasn't wearing my eyeglasses'; anyway I got the emergency number 911, and the operator was not too happy to receive my call. I apologized to her, telling her that I had not been wearing my glasses, and was trying to add air time to a phone; and pressed the wrong digit's.
She did not see the humour in it,and asked me what was the state of my emergency.
I apologized to her again, and quickly got off the cell phone.
I thought that is was funny, apparently, she did not at the time.
Thought that I would share my funny day..
July 14, 2014, 2:42 pmTravelling Anywhere
I keep thinking about getting a passport to travel. Living in Canada I want to get out of my comfort zone, and go somewhere different.
Though I do have a fear of flying on an airplane, as well as train travel.
But I do want to get on an airplane and just experience another city, another town. Maybe make friend's on my journey. And basically find out where life take's me.
Where have you gone out of your comfort zone, and was it a worthwhile adventure for you?
June 10, 2014, 10:51 amAll About.. Church Bulletin Bloopers
Have all appeared in church bulletin's..
* The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
* Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 pm- prayer and medication to follow.
* The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
.* This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn sing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
* The pastor would appreciate if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Suday.
* Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7PM. Please use the back door.
Last Edited: June 10, 2014, 10:54 am
June 1, 2014, 9:10 amALL ABOUT... Church Bulletin Blooper's
These have genuinely appeared in church bulletin's.
* Don't let worry kill you off- let the church help.
* Miss Charlene Mason sang, I will not pass this way again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
* For those of you that have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstair's.
* Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So end's a friendship that began in their school day's.
* At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?" Come early and listen to our church choir.
* Eight new robe's are currently needed due to the addition of several new member's and the deterioration of some older one's.
* Scout's are saving aluminum can's, bottle's and other item's to be recycled. Proceed's will be used to cripple children.
* Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
Will add more later..