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November 9, 2013, 8:52 pmMiss Kitty's prs. wk. 11-10
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34 36 38 39
78 89 99
November 8, 2013, 6:21 pmPost Turtle..
While suturing a cut on the hand of a 75 year old rancher whose hand was caught in the squeeze gate while working cattle, the doctor struck up a conversation with the old man.
Eventually the topic got around to Obama and his role as our president.
The old rancher said, 'Well, ya know, Obama is a 'Post Turtle".
Not being familiar with the term, the doctor asked him, what a 'post turtle' was.
The old rancher said, 'When you're driving down a country road and you come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that's a 'post turtle'.
The old rancher saw the puzzled look on the doctor's face so he continued to explain. "You know he didn't get up there by himself, he doesn't belong up there, he doesn't know what to do while he's up there, he's elevated beyond his ability to function, and you just wonder what kind of dumb ass put him up there to begin with."
Best explanation I've heard yet of Obama.
November 7, 2013, 6:29 pmWhy go to yard sales...
Sometime this year, we taxpayers will again receive another 'Economic Stimulus' payment.
This is indeed a very exciting program, and I'll explain it by using a Q & A format:
Q. What is an 'Economic Stimulus' payment ?
A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.
Q.Where will the government get this money ?
A. From taxpayers.
Q. So the government is giving me back my own money ?
A. Only a smidgen of it.
Q. What is the purpose of this payment ?
A. The plan is for you to use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating
Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China ?
A. Shut up.
Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the U.S. Economy by spending your stimulus check wisely:
* If you spend the stimulus money at
Wal-Mart, the money will go to China or Sri Lanka .
* If you spend it on gasoline, your money will go to the Arabs.
* If you purchase a computer, it will go to India , Taiwan or, China ...
* If you purchase fruit and vegetables, it will go to Mexico, Honduras and Guatemala ...
* If you buy an efficient car, it will go to Japan or Korea.
* If you purchase useless stuff, it will go to Taiwan .
* If you pay your credit cards off, or buy stock, it will go to management bonuses and they will hide it offshore.
Instead, keep the money in America by:
1) Spending it at yard sales, or
2) Going to ball games, or
3) Spending it on prostitutes, or
4) Beer or
(These are the only American businesses still operating in the U.S.)
Go to a ball game with a tattooed prostitute that you met at a yard sale and drink beer
all day !
No need to thank me, I'm just glad I could be of help.
November 4, 2013, 6:15 pmSigns...
On a Maine shop:
"Our motto is to give our customers the lowest possible prices and
In the window of a Kentucky appliance store:
"Don't kill your wife. Let our washing machines do the dirty work."
On a window of a New Hampshire burger restaurant:
"Yes, we are open. Sorry for the inconvenience."
In a clothing store:
"Wonderful bargains for men with 16 and 17 necks."
In a Tacoma, Washington men's clothing store:
"15 men's wool suits - $10.00 - They won't last an hour!"
On an Indiana shopping mall marquee:
"Archery tournament. Ears pierced."
Outside a country shop:
"We buy junk and sell antiques."
On a North Carolina highway:
In the window of an Oregon general store:
"Why go elsewhere to be cheated, when you can come here?"
In a Massachusettes parking area reserved for birdwatchers:
"Parking for birds only."
In front of a New Hampshire store:
On a radiator repair garage:
"Best place too take a leak."
In a Pennsylvania cemetery:
"Persons are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their own
On a roller coaster:
"Watch your head."
On the grounds of a private school:
"No trespassing without permission."
In a library:
"Blotter paper will no longer be available until the public stops
taking it away.
On a Tennessee highway:
"Take Notice: When this sign is under water the road is impasable."
Similarily in a New Hampshire car wash:
"If you can't read this, it's time to wash your car.
November 2, 2013, 8:50 pmMiss Kitty's prs. wk. 11-3
01 03 04 05 08
11 13 16 17
34 35 39
49 69 89
October 31, 2013, 10:46 amHalloween Story ... heehee
Halloween is coming!
A man is walking home alone late one foggy night...
when behind him he hears:
Walking faster, he looks back and through the fog he makes out the image of an upright casket banging its way down the middle of the street toward him.
Terrified, the man begins to run toward his home, the casket bouncing quickly behind him
He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in, slams and locks the door behind him.
However, the casket crashes through his door, with the lid of the casket clapping
on his heels, the terrified man runs.
Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, the man locks himself in. His heart is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is coming in sobbing gasps.
With a loud CRASH the casket breaks down the door.
Bumping and clapping toward him.
The man screams and reaches for something, anything, but all he can find is a bottle of cough syrup!
Desperate, he throws the cough syrup at the casket...
The coffin stops
October 30, 2013, 6:59 pmHe knew... Another lie
He knew: Leaked memo shows Obama Admin knew of Healthcare.gov glitches before Oct. 1 rollout
What did he know and when did he know it? A leaked memo shows the Obama Administration was well aware Healthcare.gov was a disaster waiting to happen. Why would they unleash this debacle on the American public when they knew it would crash and burn
October 29, 2013, 7:36 pmWho's in Charge?
Who's in charge? Obama 'knew nothing' about NSA, Fast and Furious, Benghazi, Obamacare glitches
He is the know nothing president. Anytime something bad happens, it seems President Obama only found out about it like everyone else - by watching the news. How in the world does he expect that answer to inspire confidence in his leadership? If our President is only watching the news, who the heck is running the show?
October 26, 2013, 9:54 pmMiss Kitty's prs. wk. 10-27
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45 46 48
56 66 99
October 25, 2013, 12:40 pm21st Century...
*Our Phones ~ Wireless *Cooking ~ Fireless *Cars ~ Keyless *Food ~ Fatless *Tires ~ Tubeless *Dress ~ Sleeveless *Youth ~ Jobless *Leaders ~ Shameless *Relationships ~ Meaningless *Attitude ~ Careless *Wives ~ Fearless *Babies ~ Fatherless *Feelings ~ Heartless *Education ~ Valueless *Children ~ Mannerless *Country ~ Godless In fact we are ~ Speechless Congress is ~ CLUELESS !! And our President is ~ WORTHLESS !! Everything is becoming LESS, but still our hopes are ~ Endless.
October 23, 2013, 12:50 pmWomen Drivers...
Distracted Driving Incident
Everyone reading this will enjoy it - no matter which gender you are.........
This morning on the Interstate,
I looked over to my left and there was a
In a brand new
Doing 65 mph
Face up next to her
Rear view mirror
Putting on her eyeliner.
I looked away
For a couple seconds...
To continue shaving
And when I looked back she was
Halfway over in my lane,
Still working on that makeup.
As a man,
I don't scare easily.
But she scared me so much;
I had to put on my seat belt
My electric shaver
Out of my other hand.
In all The confusion of trying
To straighten out the car
Using my knees against
The steering wheel,
My Cell Phone
Away from my ear
Into the coffee
Between my legs!
Big Jim and the Twins,
Ruined the <snip> phone,
Soaked my trousers,
And disconnected an
<snip> women drivers!
October 22, 2013, 12:37 pmOle' Blue...
A young cowboy from Texas goes off to college.
Half way through the semester, having foolishly
squandered all his money .... he calls home.
"Dad," he says, "You won't believe what modern
education is developing! They actually have a
program here at A&M that will teach our dog,
Ole' Blue how to talk!"
"That's amazing," his Dad says. "How do I get
Ole' Blue in that program?"
"Just send him down here with $1,000" the young
cowboy says"and I'll get him in the course."
So, his father sends the dog and $1,000.
About two-thirds of the way through the semester,
the money again runs out. The boy calls home.
"So how's Ole' Blue doing son?" his father asks.
"Awesome, Dad, he's talking up a storm," he says,
"but you just won't believe this -- they've had such
good results they have started to teach the animals
how to read!"
"Read!?" says his father, "No kidding! How do we
get Blue in that program?"
"Just send $2,500, I'll get him in the class."
The money promptly arrives. But our hero has a
problem. At the end of the year, his father will find
out the dog can neither talk, nor read.
So he shoots the dog.
When he arrives home at the end of the year, his
father is all excited.
"Where's Ole' Blue? I just can't wait to see him read
something and talk!"
"Dad," the boy says, "I have some grim news.
Yesterday morning, just before we left to drive home,
Ole' Blue was in the living room, kicked back in the
recliner, reading the Wall Street Journal, like he
"Then Ole' Blue turned to me and asked, so, is your
daddy still messing around with that little redhead
who lives down the street?"
The father went white and exclaimed, "I hope you
shot that lying dog before he talks to your Mother!"
"I sure did, Dad!"
"That's my boy!"
The kid went on to law school, and now serves in
Washington D.C. as a Congressman.
October 21, 2013, 1:41 pmActual signs...
In an office:
WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY
PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN
Outside a farm:
50p PER PRE-PACKED BAG
In an office:
AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT
AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD
Outside a secondhand shop:
WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES ETC.
WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?
Sign outside a new town hall which was to be opened by the Prince of Wales:
THE TOWN HALL IS CLOSED UNTIL OPENING.
IT WILL REMAIN CLOSED AFTER BEING OPENED...
Outside a photographer's studio:
OUT TO LUNCH:
IF NOT BACK BY FIVE, OUT FOR DINNER ALSO
October 19, 2013, 10:00 pmMiss Kitty's prs. wk. 10-20
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55 56 57 58
October 16, 2013, 8:23 pmObama...
US debt ceiling crisis � Barack Obama has won the shutdown. His prize is a lame duck presidency
UK Telegraph ^ | 10/16/13 | Dr. Tim Stanley
Posted on Wednesday, October 16, 2013 8:06:01 PM by SoFloFreeper
The shutdown is basically over and the President has won....
But there are caveats to that narrative. First, the Republicans aren't the only ones who ought to hang their heads in shame. It was the Democrat-controlled Senate that first rejected the House's bill and so sparked the crisis. It was the President who refused to talk to anyone about it (and went campaigning instead). It was the federal government � even when in shutdown � that behaved like a spoiled child...
what has Obama really won? He keeps his precious healthcare reform and he gets government open again � but tomorrow morning he'll still have the same gridlocked political system that he had the night before. The shutdown is a rare example of him winning, but remember that this lame duck president has not only had a very simple (and, frankly, inoffensive) gun control bill killed in the Senate but was so spooked by bad poll numbers that he tried to dump responsibility for military action in Syria onto the Congress � before quietly dropping the idea altogether. Any thought that the shutdown payoff will be that he can sail an immigration reform package comfortably through Congress is pure fantasy. This is a broken presidency living out its last few years either holding off Republican attacks or lazily cruising the country on some pointless, endless, fatuous campaign trail. Obama's administration is politically bankrupt.