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Today, 4:18 pmThe Will...
Doug Smith is on his deathbed and knows the end is near.
His nurse, his wife, his daughter and 2 sons, are with him.
So, he says to them:
"Bernie, I want you to take the Mayfair houses."
"Sybil, you take the apartments over in the east end."
"Jamie, I want you to take the offices over in the CityCentre."
"Sarah, my dear wife, please take all the residential buildings on the banks of the river."
The nurse is just blown away by all this, and as Doug
slips away, she says,"Mrs. Smith, your husband must
have been such a hard-working man to have accumulated all this property".
Sarah replies, "Property?.....he had a paper route!"
March 8, 2014, 9:12 pmMiss kitty's prs. wk. 3-9
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March 7, 2014, 11:03 amHistory Lesson ...
Do you know what happened 164 years ago this summer....
September 9, 1850?
California became a state!
The people had no electricity.
The state had no money.
Almost everyone spoke Spanish.
There were gunfights in the streets.
So basically NOTHING has changed except,
then the women had real boobs and the men didn't hold hands.
That, my friends, is the history lesson for today.
March 5, 2014, 7:52 pmPutin - Obama
LT. COL. RALPH PETERS: Putin has never backed down from anybody, he's not a bluffer. And he is trained as a KGB agent handler. He sizes up people well. He has Obama's number and Obama's number is zero. This is a president who talks and does nothing. Putin, did he say, 'Oh, I'm going to go in the Crimea, you better look out?' No. He did it, and that's the way you do it. Fait accompli.
And unfortunately, the only powerful leader in Eurasia right now, the only real leader is a horrible, horrible man named Vladimir Putin. And the west has no leader, because the president of the United States, except rhetorically, is absent without leave. Obama -- it's not that Obama wouldn't like to do something, he has no idea on earth what to do.
March 4, 2014, 12:47 pmThe Cranky Old Woman...
The Cranky Old Woman.
A very cranky old woman was arrested for shoplifting at a grocery
store. She gave everyone a hard time, from the store manager to the
security guard to the arresting officer who took her away, complaining
and criticizing throughout the process.
When she appeared before the judge, the judge asked what she had stolen
from the store. The lady defiantly replied, "Just a stupid can of peaches."
The judge then asked why she had done it.
She replied, "I was hungry and forgot to bring any cash to the store."
The judge asked how many peaches were in the can. She replied, "Nine,
but what do you care about that?"
The judge patiently said, "Well, ma'am, because I'm going to give you
nine days in jail � one day for each peach." As the judge was about to
drop his gavel, the lady's long suffering husband raised his hand and
asked if he might speak.
The judge said, "Yes, what do you have to add?"
The husband said, "Your Honor, she also stole a can of peas."
March 1, 2014, 8:45 pmMiss Kitty's ors wk. 3-2
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February 28, 2014, 7:31 pmGetting Older...
A distraught senior citizen
phoned her doctor's office.
"Is it true," she wanted to know,
"that the medication
you prescribed has to be taken
for the rest of my life?"
"'Yes, I'm afraid so,"' the doctor told her.
There was a moment of silence
before the senior lady replied,
"I'm wondering, then,
just how serious is my condition
because this prescription is marked
An older gentleman was
on the operating table
and he insisted that his son,
a renowned surgeon,
perform the operation.
As he was about to get the anesthesia,
he asked to speak to his son.
"Yes, Dad , what is it?"
"Don't be nervous, son;
do your best,
and just remember,
if it doesn't go well,
if something happens to me,
is going to come and
live with you and your wife...."
(I LOVE IT!)
Eventually you will reach a point
when you stop lying about your age
and start bragging about it. This is so true. I love to hear them say "you don't look that old."
The older we get,the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.
(Mostly because we forgot why we were waiting in line in the first place!!)
Some people try to turn back their odometers.
Not me! I want people to know why
I look this way. I've traveled a long way
and some of the roads weren't paved.
When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra.
One of the many things
no one tells you about aging is that it is such a nice change from being young.
Ah, being young is beautiful,
but being old is comfortable.
First you forget names,
then you forget faces.
Then you forget to pull up your zipper...
it's worse when you forget to pull it down.
Two guys, one old, one young, are pushing their carts around Wal-Mart when they collide. The old guy says to the young guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife,
and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going."
The young guy says, "That's OK, it's a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife, too... I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate." The old guy says, "Well, maybe I can help you find her... what does she look like?" The young guy says,
"Well, she is 27 yrs. old, tall, with red hair, blue eyes, is buxom...wearing no bra, long legs, and is wearing short shorts. What does your wife look like?' To which the old guy says, "Doesn't matter, --- let's look for yours."
(And this final one especially for me,)
"Lord, keep Your arm around my shoulder
and Your hand over my mouth!"
Now, if you feel this doesn't apply to you . . . stick around awhile .. . . it will!
February 26, 2014, 3:08 pmSign at Golf Course...heehee
1. BACK STRAIGHT, KNEES BENT.
2. FEET SHOULDER WIDTH APART.
3. FORM A LOOSE GRIP.
4. KEEP YOUR HEAD DOWN!
5. STAY OUT OF THE WATER.
6. TRY NOT TO HIT ANYONE.
7. IF YOU ARE TAKING TOO LONG, LET OTHERS GO AHEAD OF YOU
8. DON'T STAND DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF OTHERS.
9. QUIET PLEASE...WHILE OTHERS ARE PREPARING.
10. DON'T TAKE EXTRA STROKES.
WELL DONE. NOW, FLUSH THE URINAL, GO OUTSIDE, AND TEE OFF.
February 25, 2014, 6:42 pmMy Twilight Years ~ Clint Eastwood
My Twilight Years ~ Clint Eastwood
As I enjoy my twilight years, I am often struck by the inevitability that the party must end.
There will be a clear, cold morning when there isn't any "more."
No more hugs, no more special moments to celebrate together, no more phone calls just to chat.
It seems to me that one of the important things to do before that morning comes,
is to let every one of your family and friends know that you care for them by finding simple ways
to let them know your heartfelt beliefs and the guiding principles of your life so they can always say,
"He was my friend, and I know where he stood."
So, just in case I'm gone tomorrow, please know this ........
I voted against that incompetent, lying, flip-flopping, insincere, double-talking, radical socialist,
terrorist excusing, bleeding heart, narcissistic, scientific and economic moron
currently in the White House!
Last Edited: February 25, 2014, 6:43 pm
February 22, 2014, 9:13 pmMiss Kitty's prs. wk 2-23
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February 21, 2014, 12:28 pmThe World Is Mine...
THE WORLD IS MINE - Author Unknown
Today, upon a bus, I saw a very beautiful woman And wished I were as beautiful.
When suddenly she rose to leave, I saw her hobble down the aisle.
She had one leg and used a crutch. But as she passed, she passed a smile.
Oh, God, forgive me when I whine. I have two legs; the world is mine.
I stopped to buy some candy. The lad who sold it had such charm.
I talked with him, he seemed so glad. If I were late, it'd do no harm.
And as I left, he said to me, "I thank you, you've been so kind.
It's nice to talk with folks like you. You see," he said, "I'm blind."
Oh, God, forgive me when I whine. I have two eyes; the world is mine.
Later while walking down the street, I saw a child I knew.
He stood and watched the others play, but he did not know what to do.
I stopped a moment and then I said, "Why don't you join them dear?"
He looked ahead without a word. I forgot, he couldn't hear.
Oh, God, forgive me when I whine. I have two ears; the world is mine.
With feet to take me where I'd go..
With eyes to see the sunset's glow.
With ears to hear what I'd know.
Oh, God, forgive me when I whine.
I've been blessed indeed, the world is mine.
If this poem makes you feel thankful, just forward it to your friends.
After all, it's just a simple reminder that we have so much to be thankful for!
Give the gift of love. It never comes back empty !
I have been truly blessed with AWESOME FRIENDS
February 20, 2014, 8:52 amIrish in flight...
Irish in flight
Shortly after a British Airways flight had reached its cruising altitude, the captain announced: "Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your captain. Welcome to Flight 293, non-stop from London Heathrow to Philadelphia International. The weather ahead is good, so we should have a smooth uneventful flight. So, sit back, relax, and.........OH... MY GOD!"
Some moments later, the captain came back on the intercom. "Ladies and Gentlemen, I'm sorry if I scared you. While I was talking to you, a flight attendant accidentally spilled hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!"
From the back of the plane, an Irish passenger yelled........
"For the luvva...... Jaysus......you should see the back of mine!"
February 19, 2014, 12:21 pmCletus and Billy Joe...
Cletus is passing by Billy Joe's hay barn one day when, through a gap in the door, he sees Billy Joe doing a slow and sensual striptease in front of an old John Deere tractor.
Buttocks clenched, he performs a slow pirouette, and gently slides off first the right strap of his overalls, followed by the left. He then hunches his shoulders forward and in a classic striptease move, lets his overalls fall down to his hips, revealing a torn and frayed plaid shirt.
Then, grabbing both sides of his shirt, he rips it apart to reveal his stained T-shirt underneath. With a final flourish, he tears the T-shirt from his body, and hurls his baseball cap onto a pile of hay.
Having seen enough, Cletus rushes in and says, "What the world're ya doing, Billy Joe ?"
"Good grief, Cletus, ya scared the bejeebers out of me," says an obviously embarrassed Billy Joe ...
"But me 'n the wife been havin trouble lately in the bedroom d'partment, and the therapist suggested I do something sexy to a tractor."
(Don't make me come splain this to you! Just read the last line again, slowly.)
February 15, 2014, 9:23 pmMiss Kitty's prs. wk 2-16
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February 14, 2014, 8:05 pmWhat happened?
Obama in 2006: We Fought a Revolution in 1776 So the President Couldn't Unilaterally Ignore the Law