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emilyg's Blog

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Yesterday, 7:52 pmA Cow Runs Into the Road ...

A Cow Runs Into the Road

Suddenly, a cow runs out into the road, and a limo driving late at night,

hits it head-on....And the car comes to a stop.

The woman in the back seat - in her usual abrasive manner, says to the

Chauffeur, "You get out and check on that poor cow. You were driving."

So the chauffeur gets out, checks, and reports that the animal is

dead, but It appeared to be very old. Well, says the woman,

"You were driving, so you go and tell the farmer in that lighted

farmhouse Over there."

Two hours later the chauffeur returns totally inebriated, a full

belly, his Hair ruffled, and A big grin on his face. "My God, what

happened to you?" asks the woman.

The chauffeur replies, "When I got there, the farmer opened his best

bottle of single malt scotch, The Wife gave me a meal fit for a king,

and the daughter made love to me."

"What on earth did you say?" asks the woman.

Well, I just knocked on the door, and when it opened, I said to them,

"I'm Nancy Pelosi's chauffeur, and I've just killed the old cow."

Don't you just love a story with a happy ending.

Entry #1,724
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March 28, 2015, 8:31 pmMiss Kitty's prs. wk 3-29

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March 28, 2015, 6:17 pm50 Shades of Barack Obama...

If Barack Obama doesn't love America, then why is he beating the crap out of her? That's the question our host and voracious reader, Andrew Klavan, explores in this review of the steamy new book 50 SHADES OF BARACK OBAMA.
I'm Andrew Klavan and this is the Revolting Truth.
Does Barack Obama love America?
Oh wait, sorry, that's supposed to be a serious question. You see, after years of bad government and high-level corruption, people are beginning to wonder whether this president actually has affection for our country.
In an effort to get at the Revolting Truth, we have exclusively uncovered a document that tells the complete story of Obama's relationship with the U.S.  It's called "50 Shades of Barack Obama."  Here's a summary of the contents:
When she first met 50 Shades of Barack Obama, America was just a shy, homely greatest country on earth who had done nothing with her life but free most of the globe from tyranny while becoming the most powerful engine of wealth and innovation the world had ever known.  So of course she was drawn instantly to the charismatic Obama, a handsome and politically brilliant mystery man who had parlayed identity politics into a successful career of doing absolutely nothing.
"I love you, America," said 50 Shades of Barack Obama, "and so I'm going to fundamentally transform you into something else."
"Oh jeezy-peezy," said America, biting her lip seductively.  "But if you love me, why would you want to fundamentally transform me?"
50 Shades of Barack Obama gazed wistfully into the middle distance. "I had a very sad childhood raised by Communists and America haters," he said.  "Now just sign this contract where I get to be president and dominate you completely, and then I'll show you my Red Room."
"Golly Moses!" sighed America, "why is it called the Red Room?"
"Because the things I do to you in there are going to leave some Marx," said Obama, who had a lame sense of humor.
In the Red Room, 50 Shades of Barack Obama brought out some terrifying equipment America had never seen before.  "First," he said, "I'm going to increase the national debt by 8-trillion dollars."
"Holy smokes, that really hurts," America cried out. "But wait, in 2008, you said it was unpatriotic of George W. Bush to raise the debt only 4-trillion.  That means your own words prove you don't really love me."
"If I didn't love you," said Barack Obama, panting heavily. "Would I be beating the crap out of you like this?"
"Oh, jinkies, good point," said America and signed the same contract for another four years.
"Next," said 50 Shades of Barack Obama, "I'm going to surrender George W. Bush's victory in Iraq and let savage terrorists take over territory we used to control while allowing Iran, the world's worst state sponsor of terrorism, to acquire nuclear capabilities."
"Goshagorry, my quivering flesh is in agony," said America. "But if you love me, 50 Shades of Barack, why would you empower the Islamist maniacs who've sworn to destroy me?"
"Because it turns me on to see you completely submissive," said 50 Shades of Barack Obama.  "And that's why I'm going to engineer unAmerican government takeovers of health care and the internet while corrupting the IRS and the Justice Department for my own leftist political purposes."
"That's enough!" America cried out.  "I don't think a real patriot would dominate and hurt the country he loves. The next time I fall for a president it's not going to be a man who controls and hurts me.  In fact, it may not be a man at all.  I may run off with that woman Hillary standing over there...  in the black leather body suit...  holding that whip.  Oh jeeze!"
I'm Andrew Klavan with the Revolting Truth

Entry #1,722
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March 25, 2015, 6:33 pmArmy Sgt. Bowe Bergdahl...

Bowe Bergdahl could spend the rest of his life in prison after being charged with desertion and misbehavior before the enemy, the U.S. Army announced Wednesday.

Bergdahl was charged with Article 85 of the Uniform Code of Military Justice, "desertion with intent to shirk important or hazardous duty," and with Article 99, "misbehavior before the enemy by endangering the safety of a command, unit or place."

The desertion charge carries a maximum potential punishment of dishonorable discharge, reduction to E-1 rank, total forfeiture of all pay and up to five years in prison. The more serious misbehavior before the enemy charge carries a possible penalty of confinement for life.

Bergdahl disappeared from his Afghanistan base in 2009 and was subsequently held captive by the Taliban-allied Haqqani network in Pakistan. He was freed from captivity last year in exchange for five Taliban commanders being held at Guantanamo Bay.

Read more at http://patriotupdate.com/2015/03/bowe-bergdahl-to-be-charged-with-desertion/

Entry #1,721
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March 22, 2015, 11:35 pmBeware of Obama...

srael: Beware of Obama
Ny Post ^ | 3/22/15 | MICHAEL GOODWIN

Posted on 3/22/2015, 1:28:34 PM by GrandJediMasterYoda

Israel: Beware of Obama

By Michael Goodwin

First he comes for the banks and health care, uses the IRS to go after critics, politicizes the Justice Department, spies on journalists, tries to curb religious freedom, slashes the military, throws open the borders, doubles the debt and nationalizes the Internet. He lies to the public, ignores the Constitution, inflames race relations and urges Latinos to punish Republican "enemies." He abandons our �allies, appeases tyrants, coddles �adversaries and uses the Crusades as an excuse for inaction as Islamist terrorists slaughter their way across the Mideast. Now he's coming for Israel.

(Excerpt) Read more at nypost.com ...

Entry #1,720
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March 22, 2015, 6:55 pmJohn McCain...

Sen. John McCain (R-Ariz.) on Sunday ripped President Obama for his response to the reelection of Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu.

"The president should get over it," McCain said on CNN's "State of the Union."

"Get over your temper tantrum, Mr. president," McCain said.

Read more at http://patriotupdate.com/2015/03/mccain-to-obama-get-over-your-temper-tantrum-on-netanyahu/

Entry #1,719
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March 21, 2015, 8:02 pmMiss Kitty's prs. wk 3-22

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March 21, 2015, 7:16 pmThis is what Bibi ACTUALLY said ...

NETANYAHU: I think anyone who is going to build a Palestinian state today will be freeing up space to give an attack area to radical Islam against Israel. This is the reality created here in recent years. Anyone who ignores this sticks his head in the sand. The left does this, burying its head in the sand again and again. We are realistic and understand...
Read more at http://patriotupdate.com/2015/03/obama-media-lied-about-netanyahu-and-the-palestinian-state/

Entry #1,717
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March 16, 2015, 12:51 pmLmaf... Lol

Subj: Fw: Hollywood Squares - Remember?

Hollywood Squares:
These great questions and answers are from the days when ' Hollywood Squares' game show responses were spontaneous,
not scripted, as they are now. Peter Marshall was the host asking the questions, of course..

Q.   Paul, what is a good reason for pounding meat? 
  A. Paul Lynde: Loneliness!
  (The audience laughed so long and so hard it took up almost 15 minutes of the show!) 

Q.  Do female frogs croak? 
  A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.

Q.  If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be 
  A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.

Q.   True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years. 
  A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.

Q.   You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman? 
  A.. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.

Q.  According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and you   think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married? 
  A. Rose Marie: No.Wait until morning.

Q.   Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older? 
  A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.

Q.   In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say 'I Love You'? 
A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.

Q.   What are 'Do It,' 'I Can Help,' and 'I Can't Get Enough'? 
  A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment.

Q.   As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while talking? 
  A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget.

Q.   Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather? 
  A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.

Q.   Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the
first year? 
  A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.

Q.   In bowling, what's a perfect score? 
  A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.

Q.  It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics,
what is the other? 
  A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures.

Q.   During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet? 
  A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.

Q.   Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls? 
  A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.

Q.   When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do? 
  A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?

Q.   If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to? 
  A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.

Q.   According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing
a lot of people? 
  A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.

Q.   It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it? 
  A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't neglected.

Q..  Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he
trying to do? 
  A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.

Q.   Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant? 
  A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?

Q.  When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex? 
  A. Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him

Q.   Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they? 
  A. Charley Weaver: His feet.

Q.   According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed? 
  A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh


Entry #1,716
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March 14, 2015, 8:12 pmMiss Kitty's prs. wk. 3-15

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March 12, 2015, 3:29 pmThe Progressive Left...

I'm Andrew Klavan and this is the Revolting Truth.

Today, right before your very eyes, The Revolting Truth presents astounding feats of magic worthy of Penn and...  the silent one...  unless Penn is the silent one...  then this would be worthy of Teller and the silent one...  who would be Penn...

What was I talking about?

Oh yeah!  Astounding and amazing feats of sleight-of-hand, legerdemain and prestidigi... sleight-of-hand...  as we present to you the astonishing, breath-taking, mind-boggling and insanely destructive...  Magic Box of Leftism.

Yes, the Magic Box of Leftism brought to our shores from the mysterious reaches of the east where it made entire cultures, economies and innocent victims disappear like that...  now it has been brought to our shores by our own wisest asshats in order to mesmerize you with its fantastic power to turn good intentions...  into crap.



Now the word equality when it's applied to human beings means...  well, actually I don't know what it means when it's applied to human beings.  But equality is good for slaves and dead men so it must be great for the rest of us as well.

Watch what happens when we put the meaningless word equality into the Magic Box of Leftism.  Wo-ho!  Under leftist president Barack Obama, income inequality has grown at a rate about four times greater than under President Bush.  About 95% of income gains under the leftist Obama have gone to the top 1% of earners.

How does the magic box of leftism turn equality into inequality?  Massive regulation that makes business too expensive for start ups and therefore favors big corporations, higher taxes on the wealthy so they hire fewer of the rest of us, which means wages stagnate and more in the middle class sink into poverty.


Now watch this!

Sexual Freedom.

In the bad old conservative days, people took a moralistic attitude toward sex. Marriage locked couples into a miserable prison of mutual care and affection. A woman was called a "slut" just for being a "slut."  And if she got pregnant, she wasn't even free to choose to inject poison into her child's heart, suck out its brains and pull its dead body from her womb limb by limb.  Was that fair?

So into the magic box of leftism went "Sexual Freedom."  And out came...  depressed women...  hysterical cries of rape...  millions of dead babies...  and restrictive laws like Yes Means Yes. In the magic box of leftism, sexual freedom becomes sexual repression.

Absolutely astounding!

One more.

Peace.  Enough of those evil wars in Iraq and Afghanistan.  Pull out our troops...  cut the military budget... and never say anything to insult [] which has absolutely nothing to do with [] terrorism.  In fact, [] is so irrelevant you can't even tell what word I'm not saying.

So let's put peace into the magic box of leftism and...  whoa!  Oh!  Gah!  Oh my...  Ech!

That's, uh, mind-boggling.  Uch!

All right, so I know what you're all wondering.  What's inside the box?  What is it that transforms the happy face programs of the left into their exact opposite?

Today, the secret will at last be told.  Exclusively here on the Revolting Truth, we open the Magic Box of Leftism to reveal...

And what's most amazing of all...  if you're a leftist...  it's completely invisible.

I'm Andrew Klavan with the Revolting Trut

Entry #1,714
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March 12, 2015, 12:52 pmLondon cabbie...

A devout Arab Muslim entered a black cab in London.  He curtly asked the cabbie to turn off the radio because as decreed by his religious teaching, he must not listen to music because in the time of the prophet there was no music, especially Western music which is the music of the infidel.
The cab driver politely switched off the radio, stopped the cab and opened the door.
The Arab Muslim asked him, "What are you doing?"
The cabbie answered, "In the time of the prophet there were no taxis, so piss off and wait for a camel.."

Entry #1,713
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March 10, 2015, 10:03 pmBlack Pastor...

The president of a black pastors coalition has expressed his anger that President Barack Obama compared the civil rights movement to that for same-sex marriage at the 50th anniversary of the "Bloody Sunday" march, when black American citizens were beaten while demanding voting rights they were being denied.

"Ask your gay friend if it's easier to be out and proud in America now than it was 30 years ago," Obama said in Selma, Alabama, on Saturday, as he characterized the movement for same-sex marriage as another civil rights struggle.

"I marched with many people back in those days and I have reached out to some of my friends who marched with me, and all of them are shocked," Rev. William Owens of the Coalition of African American Pastors (CAAP) told Breitbart News. "They never thought they would see this day that gay rights would be equated with civil rights. Not one agreed with this comparison."

In February of 2014, CAAP issued a press release in which it announced a campai

Entry #1,712
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March 7, 2015, 8:40 pmMiss Kitty's pts. wk 3-8

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March 4, 2015, 6:27 pmAllen West...


Regardless of your "political affiliation," you must admit Israeli Prime Minister Benyamin Netanyahu made a firm case as to why President Obama and the United States has no business entering into negotiations with the Islamic Republic of Iran � then again, perhaps Iran is not Islamic.

I just want everyone reading this to ask yourselves a question. You saw Prime Minister Netanyahu's speech yesterday. You heard President Barack Obama's response to his speech.

I ask you which one is a leader who loves his country? Let me give you a hint � in ten years, Iran will be free to become a nuclear power because of a deal that one of those two men wants very badly.

Steadfast and Loyal

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