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ochoop17's Blog

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Yesterday, 10:51 amWhat Am I ?

Take me for a spin and I'll make you cool,
but use me when it's cool and you're a fool.

What am I?

Entry #2,667
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September 20, 2014, 10:34 amThe Blonde Gambler

A beautiful Swedish blonde walks into a Vegas casino and goes straight to the roulette table. She smiles to the two dealers and bets $20,000 on one spin. 

 
"I hope you don't mind," she says in a dreamy voice, "but I feel much luckier naked..." and she peeled off all her clothes, staying completely naked.  "Come on, baby, mommy needs a new set of clothes!"
blond
The roulette wheel stops on 13.  "I won I WON!!!" Shouts the  blonde and jumps in the air in excitement 
 
She collects the winnings and her clothes, hugs the dealers and disappears.
 
The two dealers looked at each other in shock, until one of them pulled himself together and ask: "Did she bet on 13?"
 
"I don't know," said the other dealer. "I thought you were looking..."
 
 
Conclusions:
 
1. Not every gamble relies on luck.
 
2. Not all blondes are stupid.
 
3. But men - are always MEN!
Entry #2,666
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September 19, 2014, 9:28 amWhich Word..

Which word in the dictionary is spelled incorrectly?

Entry #2,665
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September 18, 2014, 1:12 pmThis Is Why..

#LOL#JOKES#THATS_LIFE

Entry #2,664
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September 17, 2014, 1:03 pmWho Am I ?

can_you_guess

Entry #2,663
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September 16, 2014, 10:10 amA Guy Walked..

A guy walked into a bar with jumper cables. The bartender says, you can have a drink, but ya better not start anything.

Entry #2,662
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September 15, 2014, 11:51 amSwap One Letter

Swap one letter from each of the words "Right" and "Blight" to make two related words.

Entry #2,661
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September 14, 2014, 11:09 amA New York Lawyer

A New York Divorce Lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates. Saint Peter asks him “What have you done to merit entrance into Heaven?”
The Lawyer thought a moment, then said, “A week ago, I gave a quarter to a homeless person on the street.”
Saint Peter asked Gabriel to check this out in the record, and after a moment Gabriel affirmed that this was true.
Saint Peter said, “Well, that’s fine, but it’s not really quite enough to get you into Heaven.”
The Lawyer said, “Wait Wait! There’s more! Three years ago I also gave a homeless person a quarter.”
Saint Peter nodded to Gabriel, who after a moment nodded back, affirming this, too, had been verified.
Saint Peter then whispered to Gabriel, “Well, what do you suggest we do with this fellow?”
Gabriel gave the Lawyer a sidelong glance, then said to Saint Peter, “Let’s give him back his 50 cents and tell him to go to Hell.”A New York Lawyer

Entry #2,660
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September 13, 2014, 12:56 pmHow Many ?

If there are three cups of sugar and you take one away, how many do you have?

Entry #2,659
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September 12, 2014, 8:56 amA Cat Goes To Heaven

A cat dies and goes to Heaven. God meets him at the gate and says, 'You've been a good cat all of these years. Anything you desire is yours, all you have to do is ask.'

The cats says, 'Well, I lived all my life with a poor family on a farm and had to sleep on hardwood floors.' God says, 'Say no more.' And instantly, a fluffy pillow appears. A few days later, 6 mice are killed in a tragic accident and they go to Heaven. God meets them at the gate with the same offer that He made the cat.

The mice said, 'All our lives we've had to run. We've been chased by cats, dogs and even women with brooms. If we could only have a pair of roller skates, we wouldn't have to run anymore.' God says, 'Say no more.' And instantly, each mouse is fitted with a beautiful pair of tiny roller skates.

About a week later, God decides to check and see how the cat is doing. The cat is sound asleep on his new pillow. God gently wakes him and asks,

'How are you doing? Are you happy here?'

The cat yawns and stretches and says, 'Oh, I've never been happier in my life. And those Meals on Wheels you've been sending over are the best!

Entry #2,658
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September 11, 2014, 10:14 amWhy Was..

Why was the picture sent to jail?

Entry #2,657
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September 10, 2014, 11:46 amBlonde Guy

An Irishman, a Mexican and a blonde guy were doing construction
work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building. They were eating
lunch and the Irishman said, "Corned beef and cabbage! If I get
corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch I'm going to jump
off this building."

The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Burritos again!
If I get burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too."

The blond opened his lunch and said, "Bologna again. If I get a
bologna sandwich one more time, I'm jumping too."

The next day the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef
and cabbage and jumped to his death.

The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a burrito and jumped too.

The blonde guy opened his lunch, saw the bologna and jumped
to his death as well.

At the funeral the Irishman's wife was weeping. She said, "If I'd
known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I
never would have given it to him again!"

The Mexican's wife also wept and said, "I could have given him
tacos or enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much."

Everyone turned and stared at the blonde's wife.

.

.

are you ready for it....................

.

.

worth the wait ...........................

.

.

here it comes ................................

.

.

"Hey, don't look at me," she said, "He makes his own lunch."

Entry #2,656
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September 9, 2014, 12:24 pmWhat Is..

what is in front of man and in the center of woman?

Entry #2,655
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September 8, 2014, 8:58 amThe Wife's Birthday

A man asked his wife, "What would you most like for your birthday?"

She said, "I'd love to be ten again."

On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and they went to a theme park. He put her on every ride in the park - the Death Slide, The Screaming Loop, the Wall of Fear. She had a go on every ride there was.

She staggered out of the theme park five hours later, her head reeling and her stomach turning.

Then off to a movie theater, popcorn, cola and sweets.

At last she staggered home with her husband and collapsed into bed.

Her husband leaned over and asked, "Well, dear, what was it like being ten again?"

One eye opened and she groaned, "Actually, honey, I meant dress size!"

Entry #2,654
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September 7, 2014, 11:06 amWhat Gets..

What gets whiter the dirtier that it gets?
Entry #2,653
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