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Today, 12:00 pmA Mime Artist
If the police arrest a mime artist, do they tell him that he has the right to remain silent?
Yesterday, 12:08 pmThe Teacher
The Teacher says to the class: Who ever stands up is stupid
*Nobody stands up*
Teacher: I said who ever stands up is STUPID!
*Little Johnny stands up*
Teacher: Johnny, do you really think that you are stupid?
Little Johnny: No Mrs, I just thought that maybe you are lonely being the only one standing.
February 27, 2015, 1:33 pmHow Can..
How can a pants pocket be empty and still have something in it?
February 26, 2015, 11:34 amA deserted Island
A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are stranded on a deserted island.
One day, the three of them are walking along the beach and discover a magic lamp. They rub and rub, and sure enough, out pops a genie.
The genie says: "Since I can only grant three wishes, you may each have one".
The brunette says, "Ive been stuck here for years. I miss my family, my husband, and my life. I just want to go home". POOF! The brunette gets her wish and she is returned to her family.
Then, the red head says: "I've been stuck here for years as well. I miss my family, my husband, and my life. I wish I could go home too". POOF! The redhead gets her wish and she is returned to her family.
The blonde starts crying uncontrollably. The genie asks: "My dear, whats the matter?" The blonde whimpers: "I wish my friends were still here."
February 25, 2015, 11:44 amWhat Has..
WHAT HAS A HEAD EVERY NIGHT BUT DOESN'T EVERY MORNING?
February 24, 2015, 10:50 amKnowing Woman
Question: What do you call a woman who always knows where her husband is?
Answer: a widow.
February 23, 2015, 12:13 pmWhat Am I ?
If you throw me from the window,
I will leave a grieving wife.
Bring me back, but in the door, and
You'll see someone giving life!
What am I?
February 22, 2015, 11:22 amWife & Husband
Wife: "I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?"
Husband: "You have perfect eyesight."
February 21, 2015, 11:07 amWhat Am I ?
My author's uncertain yet my title's the same,
I contain random text yet order's my aim.
Read me one day and see my pages are totally bare.
Try again another day and the words will be there.
I'm not a book of magic although it may sound,
I can predict the future, and inside, your life can be found.
Move my eye, I become involved in lactic extraction.
But that's just a clue, a minor distraction.
What am I?
February 19, 2015, 11:31 amMark 17
A minister told his congregation, "Next week I plan to preach about the sin of lying. To help you understand my sermon, I want you all to read Mark 17."
The following Sunday, as he prepared to deliver his sermon, the minister asked for a show of hands. He wanted to know how many had read Mark 17. Every hand went up. The minister smiled and said, "Mark has only 16 chapters. I will now proceed with my sermon on the sin of lying."
February 18, 2015, 11:48 amIf A Farmer..
If a farmer has 5 haystacks in one field and 4 haystacks in the other field, how many haystacks would he have if he combined them all in another field?
February 17, 2015, 9:52 amTop Ten Excuses For Falling Asleep At Your Desk
1 "They told me at the blood bank this might happen."
2 "I wasn't sleeping, I was trying to pick up contact lens without hands."
3 "I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm!"
5 "This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about in the last time management course you sent me to."
6 "Whew! Guess I left the top off the liquid paper"
7 "I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work related stress."
8 "This is one of the seven habits of highly effective people!"
9 "Boy, that cold medicine I took last night just won't wear off!"
"Darn! Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem.
February 16, 2015, 11:20 amWhen Is..
When is your mind like a rumpled bed?
February 15, 2015, 12:31 pmA New Car
"Times were hard in Russia after the cold war, but there was determined young man who wanted to buy a new car. He saved for many years until he had just the right amount. Immediately, he went to the car dealer and said, 'I want to buy a new car!' 'That's good,' replied the car dealer. We will get a car for you soon. Come back here in eight years and three months ... we'll have your car.' The man replied, 'Will that be morning or afternoon?' The car dealer was surprised. 'Does it really matter?' he asked. 'Yes,' the man said, 'it really matters. The plumber promised me that he would come that day too.'"
February 13, 2015, 11:56 amRiddle Me
Riddle me! riddle me! What is that: Over your head and under your hat?