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ochoop17's Blog

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Yesterday, 9:50 amWhat Am I ?

Take away my first letter; take away my second letter; take away all my letters, and I would remain the same. What am I?

Entry #2,641
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August 25, 2014, 8:49 amThe TV is No Joke

I got in a fight with my wife last night and it was totally my fault.

She asked me what was on the TV and I said: dust. TV Hoax

Didn't go too well after that.

Entry #2,640
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August 24, 2014, 12:10 pmWho Was..

Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible?

Entry #2,639
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August 23, 2014, 12:26 pmJust One Wish

A man was walking along a California beach and stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it and out popped a genie. 

The genie said, "OK, You released me from the lamp, blah blah blah. This is the fourth time this month and I'm getting a little sick of these wishes so you can  forget about three... You only get one wish!"

The man sat, and thought about it for a while and said, "I've always wanted to go to Hawaii,  but I'm scared to fly and I get very seasick. Could you build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over there to visit?"

The genie laughed and said, "That's impossible!!!  Think of the logistics of that!  How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific? Think of how much concrete -- how much steel!!  No, think of another wish."

The man said "OK, I will try to think of a really good wish". Finally, he said,  "I've been married and divorced four times. My wives always said that I don't care and that I'm insensitive.  So, I wish that I could understand women, know how they feel inside and what they're thinking when they give me the silent treatment, know why they're crying, know what they really want when they say "nothing,"  know how to make them truly happy."

The genie said, "Do you want that bridge to be two lanes or four?"

Entry #2,638
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August 22, 2014, 10:38 amHow Can..

How can you tell that a vampire likes baseball?

Entry #2,637
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August 21, 2014, 9:13 am10 Games For Old Age

1.)Sag, You're it
2.)Pin the Toupee on the bald guy
3.)20 questions shouted into your good ear
4.)Kick the bucket
5.)Red Rover, Red Rover, the nurse says Bend Over
6.)Doc Goose
7.)Simon says something incoherent
8.)Hide and go pee
9.)Spin the Bottle of Mylanta
10.)Musical recliners

Entry #2,636
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August 20, 2014, 9:33 amWhat Am I ?

You answer me, although I never ask you questions. What am I?

Entry #2,635
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August 19, 2014, 12:19 pmTee Shot

A guy stood over his tee shot for what seemed an eternity, looking up, looking down, measuring the distance, figuring the wind direction and speed. He was driving his partner nuts. Finally his exasperated partner says, “What’s taking so long? Hit the blasted ball!”

The guy answers, “My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot.”

“Forget it, man,” said his partner, “you don’t stand a snowball chance in hell of hitting her from here!”

Entry #2,634
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August 18, 2014, 12:11 pmWhy Is..

Why is the letter "A" like noon?

Entry #2,633
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August 17, 2014, 2:13 pmU Smell That ?

Entry #2,632
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August 16, 2014, 8:56 amHow Come ?

A hiker went without sleep for seven days and wasn't tired. How come?

Entry #2,631
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August 15, 2014, 10:15 amWhat Do...

Q: What do you call a fat psychic?
A: A four chin teller.

Entry #2,630
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August 14, 2014, 9:19 amWhat Did She Eat?

First Tracey threw away the outside.Then she cooked the inside.Then she eat the outside and threw away the inside.What did she eat?

Entry #2,629
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August 13, 2014, 11:25 amTalking Dog

A guy is driving around and he sees a sign in front of a house: “Talking Dog For Sale.”

He rings the bell, and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a labrador retriever sitting there.

You talk?” he asks.

“Yep,” the lab replies.

“So, what’s your story?”

The lab looks up and says, “Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running.

“But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn’t getting any younger, so I wanted to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security work, mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals. I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I’m just retired.”

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.

“Ten dollars.”

The guy says, “This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?”

“Because he’s a liar. He didn’t do any of that stuff!”

Entry #2,628
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August 12, 2014, 11:10 amWhat Am I ?

I am all about, but cannot be seen,
I can be captured, but cannot be held,
I have no throat, but am often heard.

Entry #2,627
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