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Yesterday, 12:00 pmVacuum Cleaner
The new salesman had just completed his training and was anxious to put his skills to work. He took his Hoover vacuum cleaner to the front door of a house and rang the bell. A rather unpleasant woman answered. Before she could say anything he threw a pile of cow patties in the door behind her onto the rug. "Lady," he said, "If this vacuum cleaner doesn't clean up all those cow patties, I'll eat them myself."
"I'll get you a spoon," scowled the lady. "Our electricity hasn't been turned on, yet."
April 24, 2015, 10:40 am99 vs 100
When is 99 more than 100?
April 23, 2015, 10:19 amDNA Test
Lawyer: I have some good news and some bad news.
Client: Well, give me the bad news first.
Lawyer: The bad news is that the DNA tests showed that it was your blood they found all over the crime scene
Client: Oh no! I'm ruined! What's the good news?
Lawyer: The good news is your cholesterol is down to 130!
April 22, 2015, 12:29 pmWhat Is It?
What force and strength
can not get through,
I with a gentle touch can do,
and many in the streets would stand,
were I not as a friend in hand.
April 21, 2015, 9:19 amMen Jokes
I was in the restaurant yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately
needed to pass gas. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my
gas with the beat of the music.
After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my coffee,
and noticed that everybody was staring at me....
Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.
April 19, 2015, 11:30 amCan You..
Can you decipher the following common phrase?
T M C
A U O
H S M
W T E
April 18, 2015, 10:54 amA kind Lawyer ?
One afternoon, a lawyer was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw two men eating grass by the road side. He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.
"Why are you eating grass?"
he asked one man.
"We don't have any money for food."
The poor man replied.
"Oh, come along with me then."
"But sir, I have a wife with two children!" "Bring them along! And you, come with us too!", he said to the other man.
"But sir, I have a wife with six children!" the second man answered.
"Bring them as well!" They all climbed into the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limo. Once underway, one of the poor fellows says "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you."
The lawyer replied "No, you don't understand, the grass at my home is about three feet tall!"
April 17, 2015, 11:25 amHow Does..
How does Moses make his coffee?
April 16, 2015, 8:54 amAbout Apples
After a minor mathematical error on a routine report, a worker’s boss tried to belittle him in front of his peers.
Angrily she asked, “If you had 4 apples and I asked for one, how many would you have left?”
Quickly he replied, “If it was you who asked, I’d still have 4 apples.”
April 14, 2015, 11:47 am24 Heads
20 kids went into a empty room and went to sleep woke up and there were 24 heads how is this possible?
April 13, 2015, 10:08 amA Little Woman
A little woman called Mount Sinai Hospital. She said, "Mount Sinai Hospital? Hello. Darling, I'd like to talk with the person who gives the information about the patients. But I don't want to know if the patient is better or doing like expected, or worse, I want all the information from top to bottom, from A to Z."
The voice on the other end of the line said, "Would you hold the line, please, that's a very unusual request."
Then a very authoritative voice came on and said, "Are you the lady who is calling about one of the patients?"
She said, "Yes, darling! I'd like to know the information about Sarah Finkel, in Room 302."
He said, "Finkel. Finkel. Let me see. Feinberg, Farber--Finkel. Oh yes. Mrs. Finkel is doing very well. In fact, she's had two full meals, her blood pressure is fine, and if she continues this way, her doctor is going to send her home Tuesday at twelve o'clock."
The woman said, "Thank God! That's wonderful! She's going home at twelve o'clock! I'm so happy to hear that. That's wonderful news."
The guy on the other end said, "From your enthusiasm, I take it you must be one of the close family."
She said, "What close family? I'm Sarah Finkel! My doctor don't tell me nothing!"
April 10, 2015, 10:11 amWhat Am I ?
I am strongest when you see me as round, but I am often viewed in other forms. I lift & drop the sea with my tremendous strength, and a man with a name like 'powerful bicep' was the first to tread on me. What am I?
April 9, 2015, 10:14 amWhen Is..
When is a car not a car?
When it turns into a garage.
April 8, 2015, 11:49 amWhat Has..
What has hands but can not clap?
April 7, 2015, 8:24 amCleaning The Attic
While cleaning the attic, Joan and Harry found an old stub for some shoes they left at the repair shop 10 years ago. They thought it would be funny to go to the shop and see if the shoes were still there. So they did. They handed the stub to the repair man who took it and looked in the back. He came out again and said, "They'll be ready on Wednesday."