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ochoop17's Blog

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Yesterday, 12:01 pmWhat Am I ?

Some will use me while others will not some have remembered while others have forgot. For profit or gain I"m used expertly I can"t be picked off the ground or tossed into the sea. Only gained from patience and time can you unravel my rhyme?"

Entry #2,695
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October 18, 2014, 11:43 amA Grasshopper

A grasshopper walks into a bar and asks for a drink. The bar tender turns to the grasshopper and says " hey, you know we have a drink named after you?"

The grasshopper responds "why in the heck do you have a drink named Bob?"

Entry #2,694
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October 17, 2014, 12:20 pmWhat Runs..

What Runs Through The City Without Moving?

Entry #2,693
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October 16, 2014, 10:44 amThe Doctor..

The doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill, so the doctor gave him another six months

Entry #2,692
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October 15, 2014, 11:05 amI Hated It..

I hated it when my old aunties used to poke and prod me on weddings saying , you're next.

However they stopped, when I started doing the same to them at funerals.

Entry #2,691
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October 14, 2014, 1:22 pmWho Am I ?

I am a six letter word. Subtract one letter and twelve will remain. Who am I?

Entry #2,690
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October 13, 2014, 8:20 amWhen Asked..

When asked by a young patrol officer, "Do you know you were speeding?" The 83-year-old woman talked herself out of a ticket by stating, "Yes, but I had to get there before I forgot where I was going."

Entry #2,689
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October 12, 2014, 11:47 amWhat Can..

What can you hold without ever touching it?

Entry #2,688
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October 11, 2014, 1:04 pmWill You Remember Me?

Bob: "Will you remember me tomorrow?" 

Bill: "Yes"

Bob "Will you remember me next week?" 

Bill  "Yes"

Bob:  "Will you remember me next month??"

Bill:  "Yes"

Bob:  "Will you remember me next year?"

Bill:  "Yeah"

Bob:  "Knock Knock"

Bill:  "Who's There?"

Bob:  "See, you forgot me already!"

Entry #2,687
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October 10, 2014, 9:23 amWhat Is..

What is the shortest month?

Entry #2,686
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October 9, 2014, 12:15 pmWhat Happen..

Q: What happens when you cross a librarian and a lawyer?
A: You get all the information you want, but you can't understand it.

Entry #2,685
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October 8, 2014, 9:35 amWhat Am I ?

With no wings, I fly. With no eyes, I see. With no arms, I climb. More frightening than any beast, stronger than any foe. I am cunning, ruthless, and tall; in the end, I rule all. What am I?

Entry #2,684
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October 7, 2014, 8:17 amA Texan Walk..

A Texan walks into a pub in Ireland and clears his voice to the crowd of drinkers. He says, “I hear you Irish are a bunch of hard drinkers. I’ll give $500 American dollars to anybody in here who can drink 10 pints of Guinness back-to-back.”

The room is quiet, and no one takes up the Texan’s offer. One man even leaves.

Thirty minutes later the same gentleman who left shows back up and taps the Texan on the shoulder. “Is your bet still good?” asks the Irishman.

The Texan says yes and asks the bartender to line up 10 pints of Guinness. Immediately the Irishman tears into all 10 of the pint glasses, drinking them all back-to-back.

The other pub patrons cheer as the Texan sits in amazement. The Texan gives the Irishman the $500 and says, “If ya don’t mind me askin’, where did you go for that 30 minutes you were gone?”

The Irishman replies, “Oh… I had to go to the pub down the street to see if I could do it first.”

Entry #2,683
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October 6, 2014, 10:10 amWhen Is..

When is a door not a door?

Entry #2,682
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October 5, 2014, 11:18 amIn Case..

In case you need further proof that the human race is doomed because of stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods:

On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (darn, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair).

On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special?)

On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how???...)

On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion).

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh)!

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought????..)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time?)

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and...I'm taking this because???.....)

On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)

On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash!)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)

I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one: On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."

On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals." (..was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

Entry #2,681
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