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ochoop17's Blog

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Yesterday, 11:15 amEmbarrassing Situations

Embarrassing Situations!
A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the other end. After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively, "Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?" To which she responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, "No, I won't sleep with you tonight!" By now, the entire bar is staring at them. Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table. After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I'm a graduate student in psychology and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations." To which he responds, at the top of his lungs, "What do you mean $200!"

Entry #2,893
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May 27, 2015, 10:24 amWhat Was It ?

There was a competition where the contestants had to hold something. At the end of the event, the winner was a person who was physically disabled (he had no hands or feet)! What was it that the contestants have to hold?

Entry #2,892
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May 26, 2015, 12:03 pmLittle Johnny

In a very meek tone, Little Johnny asks his teacher, "Would you punish me for something I didn't do?"

"Of course not, Johnny," she responds.

"Great, because I didn't do my homework."

Entry #2,891
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May 24, 2015, 11:10 amWhat Loses..


What loses its head in the morning and gets it back at night?

Entry #2,890
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May 23, 2015, 1:22 pmA Childs Point Of View

The story of Adam and Eve was being carefully explained in the children's Sunday School class. Following the story, the children were asked to draw some picture that would illustrate the story.
       
       Little Bobby was most interested and drew a picture of a car with three people in it. In the front seat, behind the wheel was a man and in the back seat, a man and a woman.
       
       The teacher was at a loss to understand how this illustrated the lesson of Adam and Eve.
       
       But little Bobby was prompt with his explanation. "Why, this is God driving Adam and Eve out of the garden!"

Entry #2,889
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May 21, 2015, 9:02 amWhat's Easier..

What's easier to give than receive?

Entry #2,888
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May 20, 2015, 12:20 pmLittle Johnny

A Sunday School teacher of pre-schoolers was concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus Christ because of the Christmas season emphasis on His birth. He wanted to make sure they understood that the birth of Jesus occurred a long time ago, that He grew up, etc.
So he asked his class, 'Where is Jesus today?'

Steven raised his hand and said, 'He's in heaven.'

Mary was called on and answered, 'He's in my heart.'

Little Johnny, waving his hand furiously, blurted out, 'I know! I know! He's in our bathroom !'

The whole class got very quiet, looked at the teacher, and waited for a response. The teacher was completely at a loss for a few very long seconds. He finally gathered his wits and asked Little Johnny how he knew this.

And Little Johnny said, 'Well...every morning, my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door, and yells 'Jesus Christ, are you still in there?''

Entry #2,887
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May 18, 2015, 11:17 amOranges & Apples

If a man has 5 oranges in one hand and 4 apples in the other… What does he have?

Entry #2,886
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May 17, 2015, 11:48 amBoring Pastor

An elderly woman walked into the local country church. The friendly usher greeted her at the door and helped her up the flight of steps. "Where would you like to sit?" he asked politely.
       
       "The front row please." she answered.
       
       "You really don't want to do that", the usher said. "The pastor is really boring."
       
       "Do you happen to know who I am?" the woman inquired.
       
       "No." he said.
       
       "I'm the pastor's mother," she replied indignantly.
       
       "Do you know who I am?" he asked.
       
       "No." she said.
       
       "Good", he answered.

Entry #2,885
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May 16, 2015, 12:56 pmWhat Is It?

What has 5(sometimes 4) hands but is normal

Entry #2,884
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May 15, 2015, 11:27 amTwo Lawyer

Two lawyers walking through the woods spotted a vicious-looking bear. The first lawyer immediately opened his briefcase, pulled out a pair of sneakers and started putting them on.

The second lawyer looked at him and said, "Are you crazy? You'll never be able to outrun that bear!"

"I don't have to," the first lawyer replied. "I only have to outrun you."

Entry #2,883
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May 14, 2015, 9:55 amWhat Am I ?

If you throw me from the window,
I will leave a grieving wife.
Bring me back, but in the door, and
You'll see someone giving life!

Entry #2,882
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May 13, 2015, 12:32 pmNewborn Baby

Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says: "Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?"

Slim says: "I feel just like a newborn baby."

"Really? Like a newborn baby?"

"Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.

Entry #2,881
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May 12, 2015, 10:05 amWhat Am I ?

I bend in 3 places and can beckon or accuse. I'm known to make a very good point. What am I?

Entry #2,880
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May 11, 2015, 10:01 amJokes About Life

-The most precious thing we have is life. Yet it has absolutely no trade-in value.

- Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

- Your strength lies in your continued belief that what you just ate was indeed duck.

- At the feast of ego, everyone leaves hungry.

- If you continue to live in the past, your life is history.

- The mind is like a parachute; it works much better when it's open.

- When you harbour bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere.

- Misfortune is the kind of fortune that never misses.

Entry #2,879
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