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ochoop17's Blog

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Yesterday, 9:02 amWhat's Easier..

What's easier to give than receive?

Entry #2,888
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May 20, 2015, 12:20 pmLittle Johnny

A Sunday School teacher of pre-schoolers was concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus Christ because of the Christmas season emphasis on His birth. He wanted to make sure they understood that the birth of Jesus occurred a long time ago, that He grew up, etc.
So he asked his class, 'Where is Jesus today?'

Steven raised his hand and said, 'He's in heaven.'

Mary was called on and answered, 'He's in my heart.'

Little Johnny, waving his hand furiously, blurted out, 'I know! I know! He's in our bathroom !'

The whole class got very quiet, looked at the teacher, and waited for a response. The teacher was completely at a loss for a few very long seconds. He finally gathered his wits and asked Little Johnny how he knew this.

And Little Johnny said, 'Well...every morning, my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door, and yells 'Jesus Christ, are you still in there?''

Entry #2,887
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May 18, 2015, 11:17 amOranges & Apples

If a man has 5 oranges in one hand and 4 apples in the other… What does he have?

Entry #2,886
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May 17, 2015, 11:48 amBoring Pastor

An elderly woman walked into the local country church. The friendly usher greeted her at the door and helped her up the flight of steps. "Where would you like to sit?" he asked politely.
       
       "The front row please." she answered.
       
       "You really don't want to do that", the usher said. "The pastor is really boring."
       
       "Do you happen to know who I am?" the woman inquired.
       
       "No." he said.
       
       "I'm the pastor's mother," she replied indignantly.
       
       "Do you know who I am?" he asked.
       
       "No." she said.
       
       "Good", he answered.

Entry #2,885
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May 16, 2015, 12:56 pmWhat Is It?

What has 5(sometimes 4) hands but is normal

Entry #2,884
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May 15, 2015, 11:27 amTwo Lawyer

Two lawyers walking through the woods spotted a vicious-looking bear. The first lawyer immediately opened his briefcase, pulled out a pair of sneakers and started putting them on.

The second lawyer looked at him and said, "Are you crazy? You'll never be able to outrun that bear!"

"I don't have to," the first lawyer replied. "I only have to outrun you."

Entry #2,883
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May 14, 2015, 9:55 amWhat Am I ?

If you throw me from the window,
I will leave a grieving wife.
Bring me back, but in the door, and
You'll see someone giving life!

Entry #2,882
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May 13, 2015, 12:32 pmNewborn Baby

Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says: "Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?"

Slim says: "I feel just like a newborn baby."

"Really? Like a newborn baby?"

"Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.

Entry #2,881
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May 12, 2015, 10:05 amWhat Am I ?

I bend in 3 places and can beckon or accuse. I'm known to make a very good point. What am I?

Entry #2,880
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May 11, 2015, 10:01 amJokes About Life

-The most precious thing we have is life. Yet it has absolutely no trade-in value.

- Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

- Your strength lies in your continued belief that what you just ate was indeed duck.

- At the feast of ego, everyone leaves hungry.

- If you continue to live in the past, your life is history.

- The mind is like a parachute; it works much better when it's open.

- When you harbour bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere.

- Misfortune is the kind of fortune that never misses.

Entry #2,879
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May 10, 2015, 1:02 pmIf You Break..

If you break me
I do not stop working
, If you touch me
I may be snared,
If you lose me
Nothing will matter.

Entry #2,878
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May 9, 2015, 10:58 amParsley Farmer

If a parsley farmer is sued, could they garnish his wages?

Entry #2,877
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May 8, 2015, 9:14 amHow Come ?

A hiker went without sleep for seven days and wasn't tired. How come?

Entry #2,876
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May 7, 2015, 10:56 amParking Spaces

How are men and parking spaces alike? The good ones are always taken and the free ones are mostly handicapped or extremely small.

Entry #2,875
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May 6, 2015, 11:24 am5 Letters Word

I am a word of 5 letters
if u remove my first letter i will be a country
if u remove my first 2 letters i will be opposite of the word
if u remove my first 3 letters i will be preposition

Entry #2,874
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