Paraprosdokians

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> From: Subject: PARAPROSDOKIANS
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> PARAPROSDOKIANS (Winston Churchill loved them) are figures of speech in
> which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected;
> frequently humorous.
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> 1. Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
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> 2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.
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> 3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until
> you hear them speak.
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> 4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
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> 5. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
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> 6. War does not determine who is right - only who is left..
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> 7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a
> fruit salad.
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> 8. They begin the evening news with 'Good Evening,' then proceed to tell
> you why it isn't.
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> 9. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is
> research.
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> 10. Buses stop in bus stations. Trains stop in train stations. On my desk
> is a work station.
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> 11. I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted paychecks.
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> 12. In filling out an application, where it says, 'In case of emergency,
> notify:' I put 'DOCTOR.'
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> 13. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
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> 14. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street
> with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
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> 15. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a
> successful man is usually another woman.
> 16. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.
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> 17. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to
> skydive twice.
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> 18. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live
> with.
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> 19. There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they
> can't get away.
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> 20. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.
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> 21. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you
> hit the target.
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> 22. You're never too old to learn something stupid.
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> 23. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
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> 24. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
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> 25. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in
> a garage makes you a car.
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