Actual reports of what Airline stewardess said: 

   "There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways   out of this airplane..."

   "Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am   going to switch the seat belt sign off.  Feel free to move about as you  wish, but please stay inside the plane till we land... it's a bit cold  outside, and if you walk on the wings it affects the flight pattern."

    And, after landing:  "Thank you for flying Braniff Business Express. We  hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking  you for a ride."

    As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Washington National, a  lone voice comes over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella.  WHOA!"

    Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but  they'll try to have them fixed before we arrive.  Thank you, and  remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Braniff   Airlines."

    "As you exit the plane, please make sure to gather all of your  belongings.  Anything left behind will be distributed evenly  among the flight attendants.  Please do not leave children or  spouses."

    "Last one off the plane must clean it."

  And from the pilot during his welcome message: "We are pleased to  have some of the best flight attendants in the  industry...Unfortunately none of them are on this flight...!

    Heard on Braniff Airlines just after a very hard landing in  Salt Lake City: The flight attendant came on the intercom and  said, "That was quite a bump and I know what ya'll are thinking.  I'm here to tell you it wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the  pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight attendants' fault.....it was  the asphalt!"

    Part of a Flight Attendant's arrival announcement:  "We'd like to  thank you folks for flying with us today.  And, the next time you  get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a  pressurized metal tube, we hope you'll think of us here at  Braniff Airways."