Iowa Lottery releases names of 'Shipping 20' Powerball winners

No fair!

You have an unfair advantage when it comes to knowledge about dancing, Bonehead, cuz your Pappy was a dancer in Baton Rouge. That wasn't right.

I have good news though!

I let both of them, your Pap and Papaw, come out of the outhouse pit for a break today and although they're both completely covered in butt-mud they seem to be in relatively good spirits. They have, however, requested that the family not eat at Bob's Burrito Bombs for a while.

I sincerely hope that you've been thinking about my offer to take you under my wing though, Bonehead. I've always had the need to help certain kinds of people. It's almost a calling, as it were. I work best with blowhard loser types and I think we can agree that that's your niche in this life. Work with me punkinhead, there's no mountain we can't climb together! I think for right now you just need to be held and gently rocked until you get all those crazy thoughts out of your mind.

Think of me as a virtual vice just squeezing all of that insanity right out of your head!

So please give it some thought, ok? I swear, the big ol' hillbilly man won't hurt you, ok?

Toodles!

GOD BLESS AMERICA! 

Salute the flag, Bonehead. Do it now.

Another LP member PM'd me that you must work off a script. Sounds about right. The 'outhouse' routine has been used lots of times against various members, I see. The 'Pappy', 'Papaw' references...right off the cheat sheet you must keep in a handy-dandy drawer  You 'offer' to 'help' usually comes along at some point too, toward's the end. A trip to a shrink's office would probably reveal this is where and how you want to finish the discussion. Is that what he's told you, already?

That's okay, I'll still be around, don't put away your dancing shoes yet, sweetie.

Bonehead!

How ya doin' numbnuts?

Hey!

Tell McDoofus, (The "Queen" of Hooksett, New Hampshire), that I said hello and that I think it's down right neighborly of him to coach you. And kindly ask him if his "roommate" would approve of him hitting on you without his knowledge. Not that it's any of my business, mind you, if you two want to get together and paint each other's toenails or something. And not that there's anything wrong with that either, for goodness sake! And far be it from me to suggest that there is! I just don't know if you want to deal with the Queen's jealous boyfriend or not. Cuz if you're not interested in the Queen's advances it's best to tell him right away like I did and he'll stop pestering you. He'll forever hate you afterword though. But you can live with it, believe me.

Soooooooo, where were we?

Oh yes! I just wanted to remind you that I meant what I said about being here for you, Bonehead. Whatever it takes, bro. Know what I'm sayin'? Gnarly!

Just remember the ground rules, knucklehead. The first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem. Once you do that, it's all a cakewalk from there. Then we're cookin' with gas, dude. On the front burner. Then it's Katie bar the door and hold 'er Newt, she's headed fer the barn! Know what I'm sayin'? Right on!

And of course you still have that little issue of apologizing for those racist remarks you made.

And then we're off to the races!

And before I finish with you, you will actually love these here United States of America, Bonehead!

And you will love and honor and respect and salute the flag!

So let's not waste time, Bonehead!

Let's get the admitting you have a problem out of the way first and then we'll move on to the other issues.

Alrighty then my brutha from anotha mutha, let's rock and roll!

GOD BLESS AMERICA!

Salute the flag, Bonehead. Do it now.

^

"Pick my nose and scratch my ass, doo-da, doo-da..."

Congrats to the 20! Hope they make their dreams come true. Moving on the PB is now in the 100 mil, and I want to wish everyone good luck tonite who are playing. Not going in tonite for me, however I have a feeling 1-42-46-49-53+4 will be the winning numbers... who knows. Again; Good luck everyone.