Drudge printed the raw reporters' pool report from Kerry's Goose hunt this morning.  It's hillarious.  Here it is:

Pool Report
Kerry hunting
October 21, 2004
Eight minutes from the heart of downtown Boardman, Ohio

Pool gathered and was swept at downtown Boardman Holiday Inn at 5:45. After waiting better part of 45 minutes, we moved out at 6:25. We bivouacked at Molnar Farm eight minutes later at 6:37. Four minutes later, the sun officially rose at 6:41, according to the Astronomical Applications Department of the U.S. Naval Observatory. It was misting so we were left to figure it was overcast, giving birds a few more minutes of shut-eye past sunrise - no hard feelings.

As we waited in the vans and on the short ride out into the wilderness, the realization settled over us that the heart of this would be nothing more than a grand photo op of Mr. Kerry walking out of the woods with a duck, or possibly without a duck, or possibly one that one of his staffers shot but he then swam out and retrieved and resuscitated. Anyway, we realized we weren't going to see any bloodshed. Patsy flipped open her phone, dialed up Loftus and valiantly expressed the communal outrage. Rapid response went into full swing. He said we weren't included in actual hunt because the AP would object to it for some reason. Not true, said Nedra, who sat beside her. Precedent, he said. Patsy reeled off the stats from every presidential campaign hunt since Reagan. "I mean, he's going out into the woods with men who have guns. We should have someone there," she reasoned. He split hairs. Patsy explained to Loftus that your pooler very much wanted to go hunting with the next leader of the free world. But for some reason, the thought of a reporter from The Washington Times observing Mr. Kerry revealing who he really is did not sway the campaign.

So, as Mr. Kerry trundled out into the wilds under a rising sun to hunt ducks eight minutes outside Boardman, we were left with nothing to do but hunt canards.

In lieu of actual innormation, we put our heads together and came up with some details for th....

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