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emilyg's Blog

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October 3, 2015, 7:38 pmMiss Kitty's prs. wk 10-4

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Entry #1,810

September 27, 2015, 8:39 pmSally applied for a job...

Sally applied for a job in a Florida lemon grove

And seemed to be far too qualified for the job.   She had a liberal arts degree from the University of Michigan and had worked as a social worker and a school teacher.

The foreman frowned and said, "I have to ask you, Have you had any actual experience in picking lemons?"

"Well, as a matter of fact, I have," she said:    "I've been divorced three times, owned 2 Chrysler's and I voted twice for Obama."

Entry #1,809
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September 26, 2015, 10:03 pmMiss Kitty's prs. wk 9-27


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Entry #1,808

September 20, 2015, 10:11 pmThe Preacher and the worms...

At church Sunday morning, the preacher brought out 3 earthworms and 3 test tubes

He explained that he was going to try an experiment with the worms and that there would be a moral to the story

He then dropped the 1st worm into a test tube containing whiskey

The next worm went into a test tube filled with smoke

The last worm was dropped into a test tube filled with plain ol' dirt

Then the preacher continued with his sermon for about 30 minutes

He then checked the first test tube....the worm was dead

Same with the second test tube.......the worm was dead

Picking up the 3rd test tube, every one was amazed that the worm was alive !

Then he asked the worshippers if anyone knew the moral to this experiment

A little 4 year old girl shouted   " Yes !!!!  If you drink and smoke, you will never get worms ! "

'nuff said..

Entry #1,807
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September 19, 2015, 8:50 pmMiss Kitty's prs. wk 9-20


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Entry #1,806

September 19, 2015, 2:46 pmTo my friends...

who are afraid to share my posts about dems and Obama because you think a Swat team will

come knocking on your door.

That is crazy!

Swat teams don't knock!

Big Smile                     Big Grin Angel

Entry #1,805
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September 15, 2015, 7:25 pmStephen Colbert and KKK...

On Tuesday, Stephen Colbert made the transition from a fake conservative pundit to an equally fake late night talk show host. This time, though, he's actually trying to be real, taking over for David Letterman on "The Late Show" at CBS.

On Colbert's first show, the host spent six minutes simply bashing Donald Trump, including a jaw-droppingly inappropriate bit where he put the 2016 Republican front-runner's visage on screen at the same time as a picture of Klansmen burning a cross.

Not only was the stunt in profoundly poor taste, it was also erroneous � the KKK was founded by Democrats and for many years acted as an official party arm in Dixie.

Whatever the case, America was turned off by the stunt, and they showed it by turning their TVs off. Colbert had a strong 4.9 rating on his first night on the air, but that dipped to a 3.2 estimated overnight rating for his Wednesday show, a drop of more than 35 percent.

The numbers were virtually identical to NBC's "Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon," in spite of the fact that Fallon is hardly new to the job. Even Chevy Chase thinks those numbers are bad.

In addition, Colbert only got a 0.8 in the coveted 18-49 demographic, down almost 50 percent from his first night's 1.5 rating in the same group.

Believe it or not, Colbert's KKK faux pas wasn't the only thing that the host did to outrage conservatives. Colbert also devoted no time to jokes about Hillary Clinton and Bernie Sanders � in spite of the fact that seems like rather low-hanging fruit � and also had former Florida Gov. Jeb Bush on as one of his first guests (H

Entry #1,804
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September 12, 2015, 9:03 pmMiss Kitty's prs. wk 9-13

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Entry #1,803
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September 9, 2015, 11:21 pmSowell on BLM...

Sowell goes on to explain "Black Lives Matter:"

I think this is a movement which has its desire to have power and prominence, and logic doesn't mean much to them. And I'm afraid that no lives really matter very much to them if they can do this.

As far as President Obama's role in it all, Sowell believes he has made race relations worse in America in the name of politics. "You've got to turn women against men, blacks against whites, workers against their employers... because that's how you get more votes," he said.

Sowell continued saying that as long as Obama treats people as victims and vows salvation to them through government assistance, he secures those votes.

Entry #1,802
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September 6, 2015, 9:49 pmTwo priests...

Two priests
A non-political, clean, funny story for a change! Enjoy!

The elderly priest, speaking to the younger priest, said, "You had a good idea to replace the first four pews with plush bucket theater seats. It worked like a charm. The front of the church always fills first now."

The young priest nodded, and the old priest continued, "And you told me adding a little more beat to the music would bring young people back to church, so I supported you when you brought in that rock 'n roll gospel choir.
Now our services are consistently packed to the balcony."

"Thank you, Father," answered the young priest.
"I am pleased that you are open to the new ideas of youth."

"All of these ideas have been well and good," said the elderly priest, "But I'm afraid you've gone too far with the drive-thru confessional."

"But, Father," protested the young priest, "my confessions and the donations have nearly doubled since I began that!"

"Yes," replied the elderly priest, "and I appreciate that.
But the flashing neon sign, 'Toot 'n Tell or Go to Hell' cannot stay on the church roof!"

Entry #1,801
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September 5, 2015, 10:06 pmMiss Kitty's prs. wk 9-6

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September 5, 2015, 3:23 pmIndian walks into a cafe...

Indian walks into a cafe........

An Indian walks into a cafe with a shotgun
In one hand pulling a male buffalo with the other.
He says to the waiter:

"Want coffee."
The waiter says, coming up..

He gets the Indian a tall mug of coffee.
The Indian drinks the coffee down in one gulp,
Turns and blasts the buffalo with the shotgun, 
Causing parts of the animal to splatter everywhere
And then just walks out.

The next morning the Indian returns.
He has his shotgun in one hand, pulling
Another male buffalo with the other..
He walks up to the counter and says to 
The waiter

"Want coffee."

The waiter says "Whoa, Tonto!

We're still cleaning up your mess from yesterday.

What was all that about, anyway?" 

The Indian smiles and proudly says ..
"Training for position in United States Congress:
Come in, drink coffee, shoot the bull,
Leave mess for others to clean up, 
Disappear for rest of day

Entry #1,799
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September 4, 2015, 11:28 pmJust a thought...

Bill tried to cheer up Hillary this morning by reminding her that Nelson Mandela got elected President after he was released from prison.

Entry #1,798
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August 29, 2015, 10:27 pmMiss Kitty's prs. wk. 8-30

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August 28, 2015, 9:30 pmlol - Heeheee...

PARKING TICKET: My wife and I went into town and visited a shop. When we came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket. We went up to him and I said, "Come on man, how about giving a senior citizen a break?" He just ignored us and continued writing the ticket. I called him an "a**hole." He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn-out tires. So my wife called him a "s*ithead." He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing more tickets. This went on for about 20 minutes. The more we abused him, the more tickets he wrote. He finally finished, sneered at us and walked away. Just then our bus arrived, and we got on it and went home. We always look for cars with Clinton  stickers. We try to have a little fun each day now that we're retired. It's so important at our age!!

Entry #1,796
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