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October 17, 2016, 9:45 amWhy Is..
Why is music like a fish?
October 3, 2016, 8:56 amA New Parrot
Joke Of The Day
A New Parrot
A woman went to a pet shop and spotted a large, beautiful parrot.
There was a sign on the cage that said $50.00.
'Why so little?' she asked the pet store owner.
The owner looked at her and said, 'Look, I should tell you first that this bird used to live in a house of prostitution, and sometimes it says some pretty vulgar stuff.'
The woman thought about this, but decided she had to have the bird anyway. She took it home and hung the bird's cage up in her living room and waited for it to say something.
The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said, 'New house, new madam.'
The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then thought 'That's really not so bad.'
When her two teenage daughters returned from school, the bird saw them and said, 'New house, new madam, new girls.'
The girls and the woman were a bit offended but then began to laugh about the situation considering how and where the parrot had been raised.
Moments later, the woman's husband Fred came home from work.
The bird looked at him and said, 'Hi, Fred.'
August 16, 2016, 10:21 amWhat Falls..
What falls but never breaks, and what breaks but never falls?
August 8, 2016, 9:12 amThe Ring
An older, white haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening with a beautiful young gal at his side.
He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend.
The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring and showed it to him.
The old man said, "I don't think you understand, I want something very special."
At that Statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over.
"Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000," the jeweler said. The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement.
The old man seeing this said, "We'll take it."
The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the old man stated, by check. "I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon," he said.
Monday morning, a very teed-off jeweler phoned the old man. "There's no money in that account."
"I know," said the old man, "but can you imagine the weekend I had?"
Don't mess with Old People.
August 2, 2016, 10:58 amA Newer One
Is an older one-hundred dollar bill worth more than a newer one?
July 22, 2016, 12:20 pmPass Gas
I was in the restaurant yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately
needed to pass gas. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my
gas with the beat of the music.
After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my coffee,
and noticed that everybody was staring at me....
Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.
July 16, 2016, 12:43 pmTouring Egypt
“ A man and his wife are touring Egypt.
While looking at the pyramids, a local merchant calls them over. He offers the man 100 camels in exchange for his wife. The man takes a few minutes, but ultimately refuses the offer and the two go on their way. A bit later the man's wife asks him, "What took you so long to say no?". The man replies, "I was trying to think of a way to bring 100 camels back home!" ”
June 20, 2016, 10:15 amWhat Color..
In a one-story pink house, there was a pink person, a pink cat, a pink fish, a pink computer, a pink chair, a pink table, a pink telephone, a pink shower– everything was pink!
What color were the stairs?
June 19, 2016, 10:05 amWhen You..
When you have a bladder infection, urine trouble.
June 11, 2016, 10:52 amWhat Can..
What can you give and keep at the same time?
May 30, 2016, 10:00 amWhat Am I ?
A time when they’re green, a time when they’re brown,
But both of these times, cause me to frown.
But just in between, for a very short while,
They’re perfect and yellow, and cause me to smile!
What am I talking about here?
May 25, 2016, 10:56 amDid You Know..
Did you know diarrhea is hereditary?It runs in your jeans!
May 24, 2016, 9:59 amWho Paid The Bill ?
Tuesday, Sam and Tim went to a restaurant. When it was time for them to pay their bill, Sam and Tim did not pay. Who paid the bill?
May 22, 2016, 11:29 amGoodness And Mercy
A mom was concerned about her Kindergarten son walking to school. He didn't want his mother to walk with him. She wanted to give him the feeling that he had some independence, but yet know that he was safe.
So, she had an idea of how to handle it. She asked a neighbor if she would please follow him to school in the mornings, staying at a distance, so he probably wouldn't notice her.
She said that since she was up early with her toddler anyway, it would be a good way for them to get some exercise as well, so she agreed.
The next school day, the neighbor and her little girl set out following behind Timmy as he walked to school with another neighbor boy he knew. She did this for the whole week.
As the boys walked and chatted, kicking stones and twigs, Timmy's little friend noticed the same lady was following them as she seemed to do every day all week. Finally, he said to Timmy, "Have you noticed that lady following us to school all week? Do you know her"?
Timmy nonchalantly replied, "Yeah, I know who she is."
The friend said, "Well, who is she"?
"That's just Shirley Goodnest," Timmy replied. "And her daughter Marcy."
"Shirley Goodnest? Who the heck is she and why is she following us"?
"Well," Timmy explained. "Every night, my mom makes me say the 23rd Psalm with my prayers, because she worries about me so much. And in the Psalm, it says, 'Shirley Goodnest and Marcy shall follow me all the days of my life,' so I guess I'll just have to get used to it!"
May 17, 2016, 10:52 amWhat Am I ?
You answer me, although I never ask you questions. What am I?