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Yesterday, 10:06 amIf You Had..
If you had five mango and two bananas in one hand and two mango and four bananas in the other hand.
what would you have?
July 29, 2015, 12:15 pmMendel The Tailor
"Dear God," he said, "I don't know what to do. If I buy a sign it may bring in business, but I need to buy groceries for my family...and if the sign doesn't bring in sales, we will starve."
God replied, "Mendel, buy the sign. Don't worry, your family won't starve."
So, Mendel bought the sign and business took off. The tailor fed his family and all was well. However, as time passed it became evident that Mendel couldn't keep up with orders all by himself. He contemplated hiring on a helper, but wondered if he could afford it. So, he asked God if getting help would be a prudent move.
"Go ahead," God tells Mendel, "hire some help, you'll do okay."And so Mendel did. And business took off beyond his wildest dreams. After a time, the tailor decided to move to a larger site that would accommodate the growing demands of his business. As he surveyed certain locations, he found a perfect storefront, but the rental price was really steep.
"God," Mendel again prayed, "I found the perfect place to relocate my business. But the cost of the lease worries me. I don't want to get in over my head."
"Go ahead and a get a lease on the store, Mendel," said God. "Trust me, you'll be okay--I haven't steered you wrong yet, have I?"
So Mendel signed a lease on the 5th Avenue store and profits from his business went through the roof. Out of heartfelt gratitude, Mendel proposed to the Almighty that he dedicate the store to Him.
"How do you like the name "Yaweh and Mendel," the tailor asked.
"Nah," God said. "Let's go with 'Lord and Taylor.'"
July 28, 2015, 11:29 amIf A Wheel..
If a wheel has 64 spokes, how many spaces are there between the spokes?
July 27, 2015, 8:37 amA Man Was..
A man was driving to the hospital, with his wife who was pregnant with twins, when his car went out of control and crashed.
Regaining consciousness, he saw his brother, a high school dropout which was never taken seriously, sitting at his bed side.
He asked his brother how his wife was doing and his brother said, “Don’t worry, everybody is fine and you have a son and a daughter.
But the hospital was in a real hurry to get the birth certificates filed and since both you and your wife were unconscious, I named them for you.”
The husband was thinking to himself, “Oh no, what has he done now?” and asked with some trepidation, “Well, bro, what did you name them?”
His brother replied, “I named the little girl Denise.”
The husband, relieved, said, “That’s a lovely name! And what did you come up with for my son?”
The brother winked and replied, “Denephew.”
July 25, 2015, 12:08 pmWhat Makes..
what makes road broader ?
July 22, 2015, 11:29 amA Little Girl..
A little girl in her Sunday best was running as fast as she could to get to Sunday school on time.
As she ran she prayed, "Dear Lord, please don't let me be late. Dear Lord, please don't let me be late."
At that moment she tripped and fell getting her clothes all dirty. She got up, brushed herself off and started running again, praying... "Dear Lord, please don't let me be late, but don't shove me anymore!"
July 20, 2015, 9:04 amA Train
A train leaves from New York City heading toward Los Angeles at 100 mph. Three hours later, a train leaves from Los Angeles heading toward New York City at 200 mph. Assume there's exactly 2000 miles between Los Angeles and New York City. When they meet, which train is closer to New York City?
July 18, 2015, 12:42 pmWhat Do You..
What do you call a frog that crosses the road, jumps in a puddle, and crosses the road again?
A dirty double-crosser!
July 17, 2015, 10:00 amWhat Tastes..
What tastes better than it smells?
July 16, 2015, 11:23 amA General...
A General retired after 35 years and realized a life-long dream of buying a bird-hunting estate in South Dakota. He invited an old friend to visit for a week of pheasant-shooting. The friend was in awe of the General's new bird dog, ''Sarge''.
The dog could point, flush and retrieve with the very best, and the friend offered to buy the dog at any price. The General declined, saying that Sarge was the very best bird dog he had ever owned and that he wouldn't part with him at any price.
A year later the same friend returned for another week of hunting and was surprised to find the General breaking in a new dog. ''What happened to ole ''Sarge?'' he asked.
''Had to shoot him,'' grumbled the General. ''A friend came to hunt with me and couldn't remember the dog's name. He kept calling him Colonel. After that, all that <snip> dog would do was sit on his ass and bark.
July 15, 2015, 9:03 amWhat Can..
What can you make from baked beans and onions?
July 14, 2015, 9:41 amWhy Do..
Q. Why do vampires drink blood?
A. Because coffee keeps them awake all day!
July 12, 2015, 11:48 amWhat Is It ?
I have one, you have one.
If you remove the first letter, a bit remains.
If you remove the second, bit still remains.
After much trying, you might be able to remove the third one also, but it remains.
It dies hard!
July 11, 2015, 11:57 amA Couple
A couple is going to an art gallery. They find a picture of a naked women with only her privates covered with leaves. The wife doesn't like it and moves on but the huband keeps looking.
The wife asks: "What are you waiting for?"
The husband replies: "Autumn."
July 10, 2015, 9:12 amWhat Am I ?
I have two hands, but cannot hold. I don't have a mouth, but the unknown can still be told. What am I?