Lottery Jokes

Reply #15

AlecWest — Thu, 11 Sep 2008 18:25:25 GMT

True humor. I heard this a while back. Apparently, a woman would buy Illinois lottery tickets religiously. Then, the morning after the drawing and before work, she'd watch the TV news to see what the winning numbers were. Her husband decided to play a prank on her (grin). He watched the drawing when it happened, waited a couple of hours, then went to a local convenience store ... buying a ticket for the NEXT drawing that had the winning numbers on it. Then, he checked the ticket in his wife's pu... [ More ]

Reply #14

Wintariofan — Thu, 11 Sep 2008 05:10:25 GMT

Jimmy has bought 5000 instant lottery tickets and is getting very upset that he spent his life savings. After scratching the 4999th ticket, He says to his friend, Tom, I have scratched almost every ticket and yet to come up with a winner ...as he gets scratchign the 5000th ticket, he stops suddenly and yells out 'I finally won !

His friend says, What did you win Jimmy, what did you win ?!!!

Jimmy says, a free ticket

Reply #13

AlecWest — Mon, 08 Sep 2008 17:17:26 GMT

A variation on a lawyer joke (interchangable):

One day, the winner of a large lottery jackpot visited his financial planner to check on his investments. On the way home to his luxury mansion, he told the driver of his stretch-limo to drive by a city park so he could see the sights. But, while driving by the park, he saw 5 disheveled homeless people eating grass off the lawn. He ordered his driver to stop and called out the window, You people ... come with me to my mansion and I'll see you get... [ More ]

Reply #12

grengrad — Mon, 08 Sep 2008 14:18:59 GMT

I think it sounds better with this as the punchline:

She said, Go away! I am on a winning streak!

I tried it on 3 people with success.

Reply #11

JonnyBgood07 — Sat, 06 Sep 2008 00:36:57 GMT

A blonde was in Vegas vacationing with friends. She was standing in front of the candy machine and put two coins in, turned the knob and a candy bar fell out.

She picked up the candy bar and put it in her pocket, then she proceeded to put two more coins into the slot and turned the knob, again a candy bar fell out and she put it in her pocket.

She put two more coins into the machine and again turned the knob producing yet another candy bar.

A man was watching from a short dista... [ More ]

Reply #10

beans — Fri, 05 Sep 2008 20:24:36 GMT

I went to the Philly Park on Labor Day to play a some horses with some friends. I really like this horse called lotterybell. So I played $10.00 to win, and it was going off at 20 to 1. My friends noticed this and began to laugh. I asked what was wrong? they then told that the rest of the horses left at 12:30.

Reply #9

angelm — Fri, 05 Sep 2008 14:44:31 GMT

One day Steve came home after losing a lot of money playing golf. A short while later his wife, Julie, came home from work wearing a new fur coat. Hey, where'd you get that coat? he asked her.

Can you believe? My boss won on a lottery ticket and this was my share! she explained.

A week later, Julie drove home a new car and once again explained that it was all part of the lottery winnings. A few weeks after that she came home wearing an expensive necklace and matching earrings. She ca... [ More ]

Reply #8

djklaugh — Fri, 05 Sep 2008 04:42:57 GMT

The mathematics department at a major university had a raffle. The price of the tickets was a bit spendy at $10 a piece but the prize was tantalizing: an infinite amount of money paid to the winner for an infinite amount of time. With such a prize on the line, the tickets sold like hotcakes, and the department soon raised thousands of dollars.

When the winner was announced, he gleefully came down to the department office to claim his prize. He found the department head, presented his winning

Reply #7

lotterybraker — Wed, 03 Sep 2008 01:48:31 GMT

hahahaha..I really liked this one..

Reply #6

pacattack05 — Wed, 03 Sep 2008 00:06:43 GMT

1st towel: Midday

2nd : Evening

Reply #5

JAP69 — Tue, 02 Sep 2008 22:50:23 GMT

Two monogramed towels side by side in the bathroom.

1st towel [daily numbers

2nd towel [ scratchers

Reply #4

pacattack05 — Tue, 02 Sep 2008 22:31:23 GMT

Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.

Reply #3

lottocalgal — Tue, 02 Sep 2008 19:36:46 GMT

hey Coin,

I liked first one. I would love to tell that one to my fellow lotto players however, the only friends cool enough to share my Lotto interests are all of you. And you have heard it already.

hahahahhehehehahahh

Reply #2

CARBOB — Tue, 02 Sep 2008 14:11:22 GMT

Three clergymen split on a lottery ticket and they won the grand prize of a million dollars. The first one, a baptist minister says this is a blessing, but how much do we keep for ourselves and how much should we give to God ?

After a few minutes he said I know we'll draw a circle and throw the money up in the air,whatever lands out of the circle we'll keep and whatever lands in the circle we'll give to God.

The Priest pipes up and says, You know it's a little windy, I think we should thro... [ More ]

Reply #1

Coin Toss — Tue, 02 Sep 2008 14:01:52 GMT

A woman watches the lottery drawing, checks the numbers and let's out a scream.

Her husband says, What happened, honey?

She says, I won the lottery, pack your bags!

He says, Where are we going?

She says, We? Just pack your bags and leave!

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Two archaeologists are in a cave in Egypt and discover some very odd looking hieroglyphics on the cave wall. Both are expert Egyptologists and agree they've never seen writings like this.

Th... [ More ]

Lottery Jokes

pacattack05 — Tue, 02 Sep 2008 06:16:15 GMT

Did you hear about the million dollar Polish lottery? A dollar a year for a million years?...lol

C,mon...keep em going...