I used to think I was just a regular guy, but I was born white, which now, whether I like it or not, makes me a racist & responsible for slavery.
 
I am a fiscal & moral conservative, which by today’s standards, makes me a fascist because I plan & support myself.
 
I went to HS, worked through college, got a degree & have held a job, & am here not because I earned it but because I was advantaged.
 
I am heterosexual, which according to gay folks, now makes me a homophobe.
 
I am non-union, which makes me a traitor to the working class & ally of big business.
 
I am not a Muslim, which now labels me as an infidel.
 
I am older than 65 & retired, making me a useless old man who doesn't understand Facebook.
 
I think & I reason, so I doubt what main stream media tells me, which must make me a reactionary.
 
I am proud of my heritage & our inclusive American culture, making me a xenophobe.
 
I value my safety & that of my family, & I appreciate the police & the legal system, making me a right-wing, cop loving extremist.
 
I believe in hard work, fair play, & fair compensation according to each individual's merits, which today makes me an anti-socialist.
 
I believe our system guarantees freedom of effort - not freedom of outcome or subsidies which must make me a borderline sociopath.
 
I believe in the defense & protection of America for & by all citizens, now making me a militant.
 
I am proud of our flag, what it stands for, & the many who died to let it fly so I stand & salute during our National Anthem, taking me back where I started - I must be a racist.
 
Please help me come to terms with the new me because I'm just not sure who I am anymore!
 
I thank my friends for sticking with me through these abrupt, new found changes to my thinking!
 
I just can't imagine or understand what's happened to me so quickly!
 
Funny - it all took place over the last 7 or 8 years! (Thanks liberal media)
 

If all this nonsense wasn't enough to deal with, I don't know which restroom to use, & I gotta go!!!