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The time is now 11:50 am
You last visited
May 9, 2024, 11:50 am
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Eastern Time (GMT-5:00)
The blind man
Published:
A blind man is sitting on a park bench. A rabbi sits down next to him. The
rabbi is chomping on a piece of matzah. Taking pity on the blind man, he
breaks off a piece and gives it to the blind man. Several minutes later,
the blind man turns taps the rabbi on the shoulder and asks, "Who wrote
this junk?"
Q. Who was the greatest financier in the Bible?
A. Noah-he was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation.
An elderly Jewish man is knocked down by a car and brought to the local hospital. A pretty nurse tucks him into bed and says, "Mr. Epstein, are you comfortable?" Epstein replies, "I make a nice living...."
A minister was asked by a politician, "Name something the government can do to help the church", the minister replied, "Quit making one dollar bills."
Rev. Warren J. Keating, Pastor of the First Presbyterian Church of Yuma, AZ, says that the best prayer he ever heard was: "Lord, please make me the kind of person my dog thinks I am."
- A Sunday school teacher asked the children just before she dismissed them to go to church, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?" Annie replied, "Because people are sleeping."
- A little boy was kneeling beside his bed with his mother and grandmother and softly saying his prayers, "Dear God, please bless Mummy and Daddy and all the family and please give me a good night's sleep."
Suddenly he looked up and shouted, "And don't forget to give me a bicycle for my birthday!!"
"There is no need to shout like that," said his mother. "God isn't deaf."
"No," said the little boy, "but Grandma is."
- One day a group of scientists got together and decided that man had come a long way and no longer needed God. So they picked one scientist to go and tell Him that they were done with Him.
The scientist walked up to God and said, "God, we've decided that we no longer need you. We're to the point that we can clone people and do many miraculous things, so why don't you just go on and get lost."
God listened very patiently and kindly to the man. After the scientist was done talking, God said, "Very well, how about this? Let's say we have a man-making contest." To which the scientist replied, "Okay, great!"
But God added, "Now, we're going to do this just like I did back in the old days with Adam."
The scientist said, "Sure, no problem" and bent down and grabbed himself a handful of dirt.
God looked at him and said, "No, no, no. Go get your own dirt!"
- Minister: Do you know what's in the Bible?
Little Girl: Yes. I think I know everything that's in it.
Minister: You do? Tell me.
Little Girl: OK. There's a picture of my brother's girlfriend, a ticket from the dry cleaners, one of my curls, and a Pizza Hut coupon.
- Q. Why didn't Noah go fishing?
A. He only had two worms!
- A woman was trying hard to get the catsup to come out of the jar. During her struggle the
phone rang so she asked her four-year old daughter to answer the phone.
"It's the minister, Mommy," the child said to her mother. Then she responded back to the minister, "Mommy can't talk on the phone right now; she's hitting the bottle."
- Q. Who is the best financial planner in the Bible.
A. Noah,he was floating stock when everyone else was liquidated.
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