Blonde Joke
A blonde, wanting to earn some extra money, decided to hire herself out as a "handy-woman" and started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house, and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.
"Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch," he said. "How much will you charge me?"
The blonde quickly responded, "How about $50?"
The man agreed and told her that the paint and everything she would need was in the garage.
The man's wife, hearing the conversation, said to her husband, "Does she realize that our porch goes all the way around the house?"
He responded, "That's a bit cynical, isn't it?
The wife replied, "You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe all those dumb blonde jokes we've been getting by e-mail lately."
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money "You're finished already?" the husband asked.
"Yes," the blonde replied, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats."
Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50.00 and handed it to her.
"And by the way," the blonde added, "it's not a Porch, it's a Lexus in your garage."

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A blonde went into a global message center to send a message to her mother overseas. When the man told her it would cost $400 she exclaimed, "I don't have that kind of money!! But I'd do ANYTHING to get a message to my mother in France!"
The man arched an eyebrow. "Anything?"
"Yes, absolutely anything" the blonde promised.
With that, the man said, "Follow me." He walked into the next room and ordered her to "Come in and close the door." She did. He then said, "Get on your knees." She did. Then he said, "Take down my zipper." She did.
He said, "Go ahead... take it out." She took it out and grabbed hold of it with both hands. The man closed his eyes and whispered, "Well... go ahead!"
The blonde slowly brought her lips closer, and while holding it close to her lips she said loudly, "HELLO ... MOM?"

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(Not a Blonde Joke, Brunette this time)
A woman announces to her friend that she is getting married for the fourth time.
"How wonderful! But I hope you don't mind me asking what happened to your first husband?"
"He ate poisonous mushrooms and died."
"Oh, how tragic! What about your second husband?"
"He ate poisonous mushrooms too and died."
"Oh, how terrible! I'm almost afraid to ask you about your third husband."
"He died of a broken neck."
"A broken neck?"
"He wouldn't eat the mushrooms."

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(Not a blonde joke, but some more really bad humor)
Comments Valedictorians should NOT include:

"Some of you are probably wondering, 'Who did she have to blow to become valedictorian?' Well, let's see... Principal Madden, Mr. Jennings, Coach Barrows, the math and Latin clubs...."
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"Finally, since my extra credit work destroyed the grading curve for everyone else, can I get a police escort back to my car?"
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"I didn't do this alone. Remember: There is no *I* in 'valedictorian.'"
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"Take a minute to look -- *really* look -- at the person on your left. If she's got a nice rack, stare all you want; she's busy looking at the person on her left."
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"Studying honors-level material and maintaining a 4.0 GPA is hard work -- probably a lot harder than hacking into the 'secure' network server where the grades are stored."
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"So let's address that little incident: What does 'statutory' really mean, anyway?"
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"We have nothing to fear but a future of economic ruin, unpreventable massive terrorist attacks, despotic government and the dissolution of society into a splintered, tribalistic asylum of continuously warring factions. On the brigh
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"As you go through life, don't be afraid to experiment. For example, you can fit half a dozen naked midgets under one of these gowns!"
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"A few of you, the more intelligent few, will have the foresight to do as I did and secure your futures through the transfer of Nigerian funds."
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"... and one last thing: Watch me hang this tassel on my newly pierced penis."
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Finally, an ad in a Utah newspaper.

$10,000
06' Suzuki GSXR 1000
Aug 7, 2006
2006 Suzuki 1000. This bike is perfect! It has 1000 miles and has had its 500 mile dealer service. (Expensive) It's been adult ridden, all wheels have always been on the ground. I use it as a cruiser/commuter. I'm selling it because it was purchased without proper consent of a loving wife. Apparently "do whatever the f*** you want" doesn't mean what I thought. Call me, Steve.