Original Blog Entry: History Lesson

CARBOB — Sun, 31 Mar 2013 10:41:14 GMT

For those that don't know about history ... Here is a condensed version:

Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic

hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountainsduring the summer and would go

to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter.

The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer

and the invention of the wheel The wheel was invented to get man to the

beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the

catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:

1 . Liberals

2. Conservatives.

Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of

agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet,

so while our early humans were sittingaround waiting for them to be

invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.

Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to BBQ at night

while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the

Conservative movement....

Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off

the conservatives by showing up for the nightly BBQ's and doing the

sewing, fetching, and hair dressing.This was the beginning of the Liberal

movement.

Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. They became known

as girlie-men. Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the

domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of

Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that

conservatives provided.

Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most

powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the

jackass for obvious reasons.

Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer

white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish

but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard

liberal fare.. Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their

women have higher testosterone levels than their men.Most social workers,

personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group

therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it

wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat.

Conservatives drink domestic beer, mostly Bud or Miller. They eat red meat

and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big game hunters,

rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors,

police officers, engineers, corporate executives, athletes, members of the

military, airline pilots and generally anyone who works productively.

Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work

for a living.

Liberals produce little. They prefer to govern the producers....

and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are

more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained

in Europe when conservatives were coming to America . They crept in after

the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get something

for nothing.

Here ends today's lesson in world history:

It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily

respond to the above before forwarding it.

A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute

truth of this history that it will be forwarded immediately to other true

believers and to more liberals just to piss them off.B

And there you have it. Let your next action reveal your true self.....I'm

going to have another beer

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