Lotto Jokes anyone?

Reply #30

TeAl*888 — Wed, 27 Oct 2010 03:53:07 GMT

Elephant Jokes..

Q: What do you call an elephant with a machine gun?

A: Sir.

Q: What do you call an elephant wearing pink earmuffs and adress?

A: Anything you want, it can't hear you.

Q: Why do elephants drink so much?

A: To try to forget.

Q: Why did the Elephant stand on the marshmellow?

A: So she wouldn't fall in the hot chocolate.

Q: Why is an elephant big, grey, and wrinkly?

A: Because, if it was small, white and smooth it would be an As... [ More ]

Reply #29

Coin Toss — Tue, 26 Oct 2010 23:53:08 GMT

A blonde and her husband are lying in bed listening to the next door neighbor's dog.

It has been in their backyard barking for hours and hours.

The blonde jumps up out of bed and says, I've had enough of this .

She goes downstairs.

The blonde finally comes back up to bed and her husband says The dog is still barking, what have you been doing?

The blonde says, I put the dog in our backyard, let's see how THEY like it!

--------------------

Blonde Password...

During a re... [ More ]

Reply #28

Coin Toss — Tue, 26 Oct 2010 23:47:49 GMT

The Poker Game

A rabbi, a minister, and a priest were playing poker when the police raided the game. Turning to the priest, the lead police officer said, Father Murphy, were you gambling?

Turning his eyes to heaven, the priest whispered, Lord, forgive me for what I am about to do. To the police officer, he then said, No, officer; I was not gambling.

The officer then asked the minister, Pastor Johnson, were you gambling? Again, after an appeal to heaven, the minister replied, No... [ More ]

Reply #27

Coin Toss — Tue, 26 Oct 2010 23:35:40 GMT

Why does that last one remind of some lottery system sellers?

_____________________________________________

An Ideal Marriage

Adam and Eve had an ideal marriage. He didn't have to hear about all the men she could have married, and she didn't have to hear about the way his mother cooked.

_______________________________________________

Finally after 25 years on a deserted island Joe was being rescued. As he climbed onto the boat, the curious crew noticed three small grass huts.... [ More ]

Reply #26

joker17 — Tue, 26 Oct 2010 23:34:17 GMT

The Paramedic

One day, at a casino buffet, a man suddenly called out, My son's choking! He swallowed a quarter! Help! Please, anyone! Help! A man from a nearby table stood up and announced that he was quite experienced at this sort of thing. He stepped over with almost no look of concern at all, wrapped his hands around the boy's gonads, and squeezed. Out popped the quarter. The man then went back to his table as though nothing had happened. Thank you! Thank you! the father cried. Are y... [ More ]

Reply #25

Coin Toss — Tue, 26 Oct 2010 22:17:41 GMT

Here's a few more:

An office exec was interviewing a blonde for an

assistant position, and wanted to find out a little

about her personality.

If you could have a conversation with anyone,

alive or dead, who would it be?

I'd have to say the living one.

_____________________________________

Romantic Evening

After a long night of making love, the young guy

rolled over, and was

looking around when he noticed a framed picture of

another man on a desk

in t... [ More ]

Reply #24

Coin Toss — Tue, 26 Oct 2010 14:06:57 GMT

(Vegas joke):

Q. What's the difference between a canoe and a Canuck?

A. A canoe tips.

___________________________

Q. Why don't sharks eat clowns?

A. They taste funny

Reply #23

rdgrnr — Tue, 26 Oct 2010 02:14:02 GMT

Why are Canadian women like hockey players?

They change their pads every 3 periods.

Reply #22

joker17 — Sun, 24 Oct 2010 02:33:58 GMT

Chuck Norris didn't even buy a ticket and STILL won the Jackpot.

He chose a lump sum and chopped the lump off personally.

He personally drove to the Lottery headquarters to get his chuck and norr-is he going to tell anyone about it.

Reply #21

marcie — Sun, 24 Oct 2010 00:28:26 GMT

Buy the ticket and you win

Reply #20

Daveyl — Sat, 23 Oct 2010 22:57:05 GMT

TeAl*888, good Chuck Norris Jokes!

A man lives his entire life as an atheist. He never attends a church service, never observes religious holidays, and never mentions God. After he retires, he goes on an African safari. While out in the bush, he realizes he is separated from his group. As he's poking around the jungle growth, he is suddenly confronted by a savage tribe of headhunters. They menace him with their spears, and chant as they dance around him. Finally, the man gets religious.... [ More ]

Reply #19

Luminus — Fri, 22 Oct 2010 07:24:27 GMT

Everyone has a system for playing the lottery. You spend money, watch the drawing, check your tickets, find out you're a loser, then buy more tickets next week.

Reply #18

TeAl*888 — Thu, 21 Oct 2010 01:58:22 GMT

Thanks everyone for all the jokes!

Since there seems to be a serious shortage of Lotto Jokes, why don't we just post any favorite Jokes..

Here are some Chuck Norris ones:

Chuck Norris can win a game of poker with a green four from uno, a kuriboh, a lotto scratch-off ticket, a monopoly get out of jail free card and your electric bill.

Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allo... [ More ]

Reply #17

joker17 — Tue, 19 Oct 2010 04:32:28 GMT

they all tell me that you are more likely to be killed driving to the lotto agent, than winning the jackpot.

The lottery agent has a lot of balls for not stopping the killing spree.

Reply #16

joker17 — Tue, 19 Oct 2010 04:19:42 GMT

My roommate got angry because I asked him to buy tickets for me while he was at the store. I told him that his days as a roommate were numbered. He was at odds with me.

I bet he'll get over it the next day.

Reply #15

savagegoose — Tue, 19 Oct 2010 04:12:12 GMT

aww all my good ones are already in here.

but one i made up is

they all tell me that you are more likely to be killed driving to the lotto agent, than winning the jackpot.

I know is the smart reply thats why i send the wife/husband.

Reply #14

Fitzroy North — Tue, 19 Oct 2010 02:11:18 GMT

A man runs home yelling to his wife:

- Pack your bags honey, I just won the $10 million lottery!

Wife:

- Do I pack for the beach or the mountains?

The husband replies:

- Who cares, just pack and get lost

Reply #13

Fitzroy North — Tue, 19 Oct 2010 02:08:59 GMT

One day, the wife comes home with a spectacular diamond ring.

- Where did you get that ring? her husband asks.

- Well, she replies, my boss and I played the lotto and we won, so I bought it with my share of the winnings.

A week later, his wife comes home with a long shiny fur coat.

- Where did you get that coat? her husband asks.

She replies:

- My boss and I played the lotto and we won again, so I bought it with my share of the winnings.

Another week later, his wife comes ho... [ More ]

Reply #12

Daveyl — Mon, 18 Oct 2010 01:30:34 GMT

A man who works with a tight wad keeps trying to convince his friend to play the lottery. After months of enduring his friend's cajoling, he finally buys 2 quick picks. The next day, they look up the winning numbers. One ticket has not a single matching number. They check the second quick pick and, lo and behold, the skin flint won the jackpot! The friend slapped his shoulder with congratulations, but the miser had a look of disappointment on his face. You won, buddy. You should be dancing on ai... [ More ]

Reply #11

Starr$ — Mon, 18 Oct 2010 01:02:26 GMT

An elderly farmer won 10 million in the lottery. Naturally he was asked what he was gonna do with all the money. The farmer kinda scratched his head and said,

Not sure as I know right off guess I ll keep farmin till it s gone

Reply #10

marcie — Sun, 17 Oct 2010 23:56:35 GMT

Did you win the Mega Million or Powerball

Reply #9

CARBOB — Sun, 17 Oct 2010 22:14:32 GMT

joker, no one on this forum has a sense of humor ,like you and ridge. We need more humor in this world

Reply #8

joker17 — Sun, 17 Oct 2010 21:30:18 GMT

Reply #7

joker17 — Sun, 17 Oct 2010 21:14:25 GMT

Harry walks into work one Monday morning with a huge grin on his face.

One of his co-workers says, Why are you so happy?

Harry says, I went to Bingo for the first time in my life this weekend and I won a thousand bucks.

A week later, Harry walks into work on Monday morning and he's skipping down the hall, high-fiving everyone.

One of his co-workers says, You win at Bingo again?

Harry says, No, no, it's better than that. I bought my first lottery ticket this weekend and I won te... [ More ]

Reply #6

joker17 — Sun, 17 Oct 2010 21:01:08 GMT

A guy walks into the lottery building......OUCH

Reply #5

hearsetrax — Sun, 17 Oct 2010 19:43:43 GMT

Reply #4

TeAl*888 — Sun, 17 Oct 2010 17:48:33 GMT

A Redneck buys a ticket and wins the lottery. He goes to Austin to claim it and the man verifies his ticket number.

The Redneck says, I want my $20 million.

The man replied, No, sir. It doesn't work that way. We give you a million today and then you'll get the rest spread out for the next 19 years.

The Redneck said, Oh, no. I want all my money right now! I won it and I want it.

Again, the man explains that he would only get a million that day and the rest during the next 19 years.... [ More ]

Reply #3

TeAl*888 — Sun, 17 Oct 2010 17:34:14 GMT

Money Talks

A crusty old man walks into a bank and says to the teller at the window,

I want to open a da%$ checking account. To which the astonished woman replies,

I beg your pardon, sir; I must have misunderstood you. What did you say?

Listen up, da%$ it. I said I want to open a da%$ checking account right now!

I'm very sorry sir, but we do not tolerate that kind of language in this bank.

So saying, the teller leaves the window and goes over to the bank manager to tell... [ More ]

Reply #2

TeAl*888 — Sun, 17 Oct 2010 17:18:04 GMT

At a Christmas party in Melbourne last year the staff decided to pull a joke on their boss who had a habit of playing serious practical jokes oneveryone else.

When he went to the toilet, they went through his wallet and found his lotto ticker and wrote down the numbers then they called over the waitress to set up a little prank.

She came back half an hour later and asked if anyone wanted to know the night's Lotto numbers, then proceeded to read them out loud before setting the numbers on t... [ More ]

Reply #1

TeAl*888 — Sun, 17 Oct 2010 17:13:14 GMT

Did you hear about the New 3 Million Dollar Alabama State Lottrey?

The winner gets 3 Dollars a year for a Million years.

Lotto Jokes anyone?

TeAl*888 — Sun, 17 Oct 2010 16:49:22 GMT

A guy named Joe finds himself in dire trouble. His business started going bust and he found himself in serious financial trouble.

He was so desperate that he decided to pray forhelp. Oh Lord, please help me, I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well,please let me win the lotto .

Lotto night arrived and somebody else won the prize.

Joe again looked up and prayed... Oh Lord, please let me win the lotto! I've lost my business, my house and I'm... [ More ]