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Lotto Jokes anyone?

Topic closed. 30 replies. Last post 6 years ago by TeAl*888.

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TeAl*888's avatar - octa feathers.jpg
Ontario
Canada
Member #97475
September 17, 2010
69 Posts
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Posted: October 17, 2010, 12:49 pm - IP Logged

A guy named Joe finds himself in dire trouble. His business started going bust and he found himself in serious financial trouble.

He was so desperate that he decided to pray forhelp."Oh Lord, please help me, I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well,please let me win the lotto".

Lotto night arrived and somebody else won the prize.

Joe again looked up and prayed..."Oh Lord, please let me win the lotto! I've lost my business, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well".

Again, Lotto night came and went and Joe still had no luck.

Once again, he prayed... "Oh, Lord, why have you forsaken me? I've lost my business,my house and my car. My wife and children are starving. Idon't often ask you for help and I have always been a good servant to you. Please just let me win the lotto this one time so I can get my life back in order ... "

Suddenly there was a blinding flash of light as the heavens opened and Joe was confronted by the voice of the Lord himself: "Joe, Meet Me Half Way On This One. Buy A Ticket!"

lt

    TeAl*888's avatar - octa feathers.jpg
    Ontario
    Canada
    Member #97475
    September 17, 2010
    69 Posts
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    Posted: October 17, 2010, 1:13 pm - IP Logged

    Did you hear about the New 3 Million Dollar Alabama State Lottrey?

    The winner gets 3 Dollars a year for a Million years.

      TeAl*888's avatar - octa feathers.jpg
      Ontario
      Canada
      Member #97475
      September 17, 2010
      69 Posts
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      Posted: October 17, 2010, 1:18 pm - IP Logged

      At a Christmas party in Melbourne last year the staff decided to pull a joke on their boss who had a habit of playing serious practical jokes oneveryone else.

      When he went to the toilet, they went through his wallet and found his lotto ticker and wrote down the numbers then they called over the waitress to set up a little prank.

      She came back half an hour later and asked if anyone wanted to know the night's Lotto numbers, then proceeded to read them out loud before setting the numbers on the table.

      The boss looked at the numbers, then casually pulled out his wallet and compared them. He became really silent, put his wallet back in his jacket and sat down again breathing really rapidly, and looking totally blown away.

      After a couple of minutes he pulled out his wallet and Lotto ticket again,and checked the numbers, very carefully. Then, he sculled his drink, stood upon his chair and shouted out to the whole room:

      'I just want to let you all know something. I've been having an affair with my secretary for months. I don't like any of you, and I have hated working for this company. You can all go to Hell, 'cos I've just won a ton of money, and I'm leaving!'

      End of job. End of marriage. End of story.

        TeAl*888's avatar - octa feathers.jpg
        Ontario
        Canada
        Member #97475
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        Posted: October 17, 2010, 1:34 pm - IP Logged

        Money Talks

        A crusty old man walks into a bank and says to the teller at the window,

        "I want to open a da%$ checking account." To which the astonished woman replies,

        "I beg your pardon, sir;  I must have misunderstood you.  What did you say?"

        "Listen up, da%$ it. I said I want to open a da%$ checking account right now!"

        "I'm very sorry sir, but we do not tolerate that kind of language in this bank."

        So saying, the teller leaves the window and goes over to the bank manager to tell him about her situation. They both return and the manager asks the old geezer,

        "What seems to be the problem here?"

        "There's no f$%#&n problem, da%$ it!"  the man says, "I just won $50 million bucks in the da%$ lottery and I want to open a da%$ checking account in this da%$ bank!"

        "I see," says the manager, "and this da%$ woman is giving you a hard time?"

          TeAl*888's avatar - octa feathers.jpg
          Ontario
          Canada
          Member #97475
          September 17, 2010
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          Posted: October 17, 2010, 1:48 pm - IP Logged

          A Redneck buys a ticket and wins the lottery. He goes to Austin to claim it and the man verifies his ticket number.

          The Redneck says, "I want my $20 million."

          The man replied, "No, sir. It doesn't work that way. We give you a million today and then you'll get the rest spread out for the next 19 years."

          The Redneck said, "Oh, no. I want all my money right now! I won it and I want it."

          Again, the man explains that he would only get a million that day and the rest during the next 19 years.

          The Redneck, furious with the man, screams out, "Look, I want my money! If you're not going to give me my $20 million right now, then I want my dollar back!"

            hearsetrax's avatar - 0118

            United States
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            May 21, 2007
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            Posted: October 17, 2010, 3:43 pm - IP Logged

            Stooges


              United States
              Member #75358
              June 1, 2009
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              Posted: October 17, 2010, 5:01 pm - IP Logged

              A guy walks into the lottery building......OUCH!!!!!


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                June 1, 2009
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                Posted: October 17, 2010, 5:14 pm - IP Logged

                Harry walks into work one Monday morning with a huge grin on his face.

                One of his co-workers says, "Why are you so happy?"

                Harry says, "I went to Bingo for the first time in my life this weekend and I won a thousand bucks."

                A week later, Harry walks into work on Monday morning and he's skipping down the hall, high-fiving everyone.

                One of his co-workers says, "You win at Bingo again?"

                Harry says, "No, no, it's better than that. I bought my first lottery ticket this weekend and I won ten grand. I'm feeling so <snip> lucky that I think I'm going to ask that new Indian girl in Accounting out on a date."

                The next Monday morning Harry is doing cartwheels down the hall.

                One of the co-workers says, "Did you win another lottery?"

                Harry says, "No, no, it's better than that. You know that Indian girl from Accounting I asked out? Well, we had a great time at dinner, so I invited her up to my apartment for drinks, we wind up in bed, and started making out.  One of his co-workers says. "Man, are you frigging lucky."

                Harry says, "No, no, it's better than that. She's kissing me, I look up, and you know that red dot on her forehead? I scratched it and I won another ten grand."



                This post has been automatically changed by the Lottery Post computer system to remove inappropriate content and/or spam.


                  United States
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                  Posted: October 17, 2010, 5:30 pm - IP Logged

                  joke                              joke

                    CARBOB's avatar - FL LOTTERY_LOGO.png
                    ORLANDO, FLORIDA
                    United States
                    Member #4924
                    June 3, 2004
                    5897 Posts
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                    Posted: October 17, 2010, 6:14 pm - IP Logged

                    Harry walks into work one Monday morning with a huge grin on his face.

                    One of his co-workers says, "Why are you so happy?"

                    Harry says, "I went to Bingo for the first time in my life this weekend and I won a thousand bucks."

                    A week later, Harry walks into work on Monday morning and he's skipping down the hall, high-fiving everyone.

                    One of his co-workers says, "You win at Bingo again?"

                    Harry says, "No, no, it's better than that. I bought my first lottery ticket this weekend and I won ten grand. I'm feeling so <snip> lucky that I think I'm going to ask that new Indian girl in Accounting out on a date."

                    The next Monday morning Harry is doing cartwheels down the hall.

                    One of the co-workers says, "Did you win another lottery?"

                    Harry says, "No, no, it's better than that. You know that Indian girl from Accounting I asked out? Well, we had a great time at dinner, so I invited her up to my apartment for drinks, we wind up in bed, and started making out.  One of his co-workers says. "Man, are you frigging lucky."

                    Harry says, "No, no, it's better than that. She's kissing me, I look up, and you know that red dot on her forehead? I scratched it and I won another ten grand."



                    This post has been automatically changed by the Lottery Post computer system to remove inappropriate content and/or spam.

                    joker, no one on this forum has a sense of humor ,like you and ridge. We need more humor in this world!!!

                      marcie's avatar - Lottery-060.jpg
                      Ohio
                      United States
                      Member #49980
                      February 21, 2007
                      34146 Posts
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                      Posted: October 17, 2010, 7:56 pm - IP Logged

                      Did you win the Mega Million or Powerball!!! CrazyJester

                      http://www.lotterypost.com/thread/233413    Sun Smiley Popular numbers

                      12345

                      67890

                      Use Mirror #'s Use prs. with your  Key* numbers the most Vivid thing in your dream go up or down on #'s.  Flip  6=9 `9=6  Bullseyes  0 or 1 for Pick 4 and the P. 5  Play the other part of doubles.  Do the Whole nine yards for a P. 4* P. 5*  or 0 thur 9  for P. 4  P. 5 from my dreams or hunches good Luck.. Write your Dreams down Play for 3 days.  Good Luck All.

                        Starr$'s avatar - girlz1

                        United States
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                        Posted: October 17, 2010, 9:02 pm - IP Logged

                        An elderly farmer won 10 million in the lottery. Naturally he was asked what he was gonna do with all the money. The farmer kinda scratched his head and said,

                        “Not sure as I know right off  guess I’ll keep farmin’ till it’s gone……

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                          Sacramento, CA
                          United States
                          Member #96354
                          August 28, 2010
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                          Posted: October 17, 2010, 9:30 pm - IP Logged

                          A man who works with a tight wad keeps trying to convince his friend to play the lottery. After months of enduring his friend's cajoling, he finally buys 2 quick picks. The next day, they look up the winning numbers. One ticket has not a single matching number. They check the second quick pick and, lo and behold, the skin flint won the jackpot! The friend slapped his shoulder with congratulations, but the miser had a look of disappointment on his face. "You won, buddy. You should be dancing on air right now!" his friend cheered. "Yea", began the winner, "But I'm still stuck with this lousy Non-winning ticket."

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                            New Member
                            Melbourne
                            Australia
                            Member #99010
                            October 18, 2010
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                            Posted: October 18, 2010, 10:08 pm - IP Logged

                              One day, the wife comes home with a spectacular diamond ring.
                            - Where did you get that ring? her husband asks.
                            - Well, she replies, my boss and I played the lotto and we won, so I bought it with my share of the winnings.
                              A week later, his wife comes home with a long shiny fur coat.
                            - Where did you get that coat? her husband asks.
                              She replies:
                            - My boss and I played the lotto and we won again, so I bought it with my share of the winnings.
                              Another week later, his wife comes home, driving in a red Ferrari.
                            - Where did you get that car? her husband asks.
                              Again she repeats the same story about the lotto and her share of the winnings.
                              That night, his wife asks him to draw her a nice warm bath while she gets undressed. When she enters the bathroom, she finds that there is barely  enough water in the bath to cover the plug at the far end.
                            - What's this? she asks her husband.
                            - Well, he replies, we don't want to get your lotto ticket wet, do we?

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                              New Member
                              Melbourne
                              Australia
                              Member #99010
                              October 18, 2010
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                              Posted: October 18, 2010, 10:11 pm - IP Logged

                                A man runs home yelling to his wife:
                              - Pack your bags honey, I just won the $10 million lottery!
                               Wife:
                              - Do I pack for the beach or the mountains?
                               The husband replies:
                              - Who cares, just pack and get lost!