Lottery Jokes

Reply #19

LottoBux — Fri, 27 Jul 2012 05:33:43 GMT

A broke blonde decides to ask God for help. Dear Lord, she prays, if I don't get some cash, I'm gonna lose everything. Please let me win the lottery.

Lottery night comes, but the blonde doesn't win. She prays even harder, saying, God, why have you forsaken me? My children are starving. Please just let me win this once.

Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light, and the blonde hears God speak.

Sweetheart, work with me on this, he says. Buy a ticket.

Reply #18

onlymoney — Fri, 27 Jul 2012 03:26:36 GMT

Ha ha

Reply #17

grwurston — Fri, 27 Jul 2012 03:24:14 GMT

How do you get 50 little old ladies to yell OH @#$% ?

Have another little old lady stand up and yell BINGO

Reply #16

grwurston — Fri, 27 Jul 2012 03:19:19 GMT

Did you hear about the moron who lost $50 on the football game?

$25 on the game and $25 on the instant replay.

Reply #15

onlymoney — Fri, 27 Jul 2012 03:11:55 GMT

Harry walks into work one Monday morning with a huge grin on his face.

One of his co-workers says, Why are you so happy?

Harry says, I went to Bingo for the first time in my life this weekend and I won a thousand bucks.

A week later, Harry walks into work on Monday morning and he's skipping down the hall, high-fiving everyone.

One of his co-workers says, You win at Bingo again?

Harry says, No, no, it's better than that. I bought my first lottery ticket this weekend and I won te... [ More ]

Reply #14

grwurston — Fri, 27 Jul 2012 03:11:20 GMT

This one is a keeper

Reply #13

LKMIKE — Fri, 27 Jul 2012 03:04:39 GMT

GOOD ONE ONLYMONEY

Reply #12

LKMIKE — Fri, 27 Jul 2012 03:01:47 GMT

IF I DIDNT HAVE BAD LUCK I WOULDNT HAVE ANY LUCK LOL

Reply #11

onlymoney — Fri, 27 Jul 2012 02:58:52 GMT

Young Chuck moved to Montana and bought a horse from a farmer for $100.00. The farmer agreed to deliver the horse the next day. The next Day he drove up and said, Sorry, Son, but I have some bad news, The horse died.

Chuck replied, Well, then just give me my money back.

The farmer said, Can't do that. I went and spent it already.

Chuck said, Ok, then, just bring me the dead horse.

The farmer asked, What ya gonna do with him?

Chuck said, I'm going to raffle him off.... [ More ]

Reply #10

grwurston — Fri, 27 Jul 2012 02:30:27 GMT

I don't believe in luck, but then how else do you explain other people doing so well

Reply #9

grwurston — Fri, 27 Jul 2012 02:25:49 GMT

Don't believe in superstition---- it brings bad luck.

Reply #8

LKMIKE — Fri, 27 Jul 2012 02:18:55 GMT

LOL

Reply #7

grwurston — Fri, 27 Jul 2012 02:16:08 GMT

For every set of horseshoes humans use for luck, somewhere in this world there is a barefoot horse.

Allan Sherman

Reply #6

grwurston — Fri, 27 Jul 2012 02:13:13 GMT

A man rushes into the house and yells to his wife, Martha, pack up your things. I just won the California Lottery!

Martha replies, Shall I pack for warm weather or cold?

The man replies, I don't care. Just so long as your out of the house by noon

Reply #5

LKMIKE — Fri, 27 Jul 2012 02:11:37 GMT

good one LOL

what we really need is a LP costume party

everyone comes dressed up like the chinese guy in yellow in this ad

hilarious

http://youtu.be/_C1gijCuTlI

Reply #4

grwurston — Fri, 27 Jul 2012 02:07:37 GMT

OK, I have a couple.

Michael was never considered the brighest guy in town. So one day when he was seen driving a shiny new sports car, everyone asked what happened. I won the lottery, he answered.

How did you guess the number, someone asked.

Well, for 3 straight nights I dreamed of the number 8. Then I realized that 3 times 8 is 32, so I picked number 32. Sure enough number 32 came up and now I'm a rich man.

You idiot, said the person, 3 times 8 is 24.

Really said Michael.... [ More ]

Reply #3

LKMIKE — Fri, 27 Jul 2012 01:54:19 GMT

lol

Reply #2

grwurston — Fri, 27 Jul 2012 01:49:06 GMT

I don't think I know any CLEAN jokes....

Reply #1

LKMIKE — Fri, 27 Jul 2012 01:48:51 GMT

I figure you have the same chance of winning lottery whether you play or not

Lottery Jokes

LKMIKE — Fri, 27 Jul 2012 01:31:41 GMT

what we really need here on LP is some lottery jokes

everyone is so serious we need to lighten up a liitle bit and enjoy being here

so lets get started

try to keep it clean people lol

A redneck buys a ticket and wins the lottery. He goes to Austin to claim it and the man verifies his ticket number. The redneck says:

- I want my $20 million.

The man replied:

- No, sir. It doesn't work that way. We give you a million today and then you'll get the rest spread out for the next 1... [ More ]