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Lottery Jokes

Topic closed. 19 replies. Last post 4 years ago by LottoBux.

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Posted: July 26, 2012, 9:31 pm - IP Logged

what we really need here on LP is some lottery jokes

everyone is so serious we need to lighten up a liitle bit and enjoy being here

so lets get started

try to keep it clean people  lol

A redneck buys a ticket and wins the lottery. He goes to Austin to claim it and the man verifies his ticket number. The redneck says:
- I want my $20 million.
The man replied:
- No, sir. It doesn't work that way. We give you a million today and then you'll get the rest spread out for the next 19 years.
The redneck said:
- Oh, no. I want all my money right now! I won it and I want it.
Again, the man explain that he would only get a million that day and the rest during the next 19 years.
The redneck, furious with the man, screams out:
- Look, I want my money! If you're not going to give me my $20 million right now, then I want my dollar back

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    Posted: July 26, 2012, 9:48 pm - IP Logged

    I figure you have the same chance of winning lottery whether you play or not

      grwurston's avatar - 144
      Let's Go Rangers!!!
      bel air maryland
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      Posted: July 26, 2012, 9:49 pm - IP Logged

       I don't think I know any CLEAN jokes....Green laugh

      "You can observe a lot just by watching." Yogi Berra, Hall of Fame baseball player.

      The numbers will tell you what numbers to play. Pay attention to the numbers.

      Don't just think outside the box, crush it.

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        Posted: July 26, 2012, 9:54 pm - IP Logged

         Laughing lol





          grwurston's avatar - 144
          Let's Go Rangers!!!
          bel air maryland
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          Posted: July 26, 2012, 10:07 pm - IP Logged

          OK, I have a couple.

            Michael was never considered the brighest guy in town. So one day when he was seen driving a shiny new sports car, everyone asked what happened. "I won the lottery," he answered.

           "How did you guess the number," someone asked.

          "Well, for 3 straight nights I dreamed of the number 8.  Then I realized that 3 times 8 is 32, so I picked number 32. Sure enough number 32 came up and now I'm a rich man."

           "You idiot," said the person, "3 times 8 is 24."

            "Really" said Michael. "Well, 32 won anyway."   Green laugh

          "You can observe a lot just by watching." Yogi Berra, Hall of Fame baseball player.

          The numbers will tell you what numbers to play. Pay attention to the numbers.

          Don't just think outside the box, crush it.

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            Posted: July 26, 2012, 10:11 pm - IP Logged

            good one  LOL

            what we really need is a "LP costume party"

            everyone comes dressed up like the chinese guy in yellow in this ad

            hilarious

            https://youtu.be/_C1gijCuTlI

              grwurston's avatar - 144
              Let's Go Rangers!!!
              bel air maryland
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              Posted: July 26, 2012, 10:13 pm - IP Logged

               A man rushes into the house and yells to his wife, "Martha, pack up your things. I just won the California Lottery!"

               Martha replies, "Shall I pack for warm weather or cold?"

               The man replies, "I don't care. Just so long as your out of the house by noon!"

              "You can observe a lot just by watching." Yogi Berra, Hall of Fame baseball player.

              The numbers will tell you what numbers to play. Pay attention to the numbers.

              Don't just think outside the box, crush it.

                grwurston's avatar - 144
                Let's Go Rangers!!!
                bel air maryland
                United States
                Member #90251
                April 24, 2010
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                Posted: July 26, 2012, 10:16 pm - IP Logged

                  For every set of horseshoes humans use for luck, somewhere in this world there is a barefoot horse.  Green laugh

                                                                                                                                             Allan Sherman

                "You can observe a lot just by watching." Yogi Berra, Hall of Fame baseball player.

                The numbers will tell you what numbers to play. Pay attention to the numbers.

                Don't just think outside the box, crush it.

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                  Posted: July 26, 2012, 10:18 pm - IP Logged

                   Bottoms Up LOL





                    grwurston's avatar - 144
                    Let's Go Rangers!!!
                    bel air maryland
                    United States
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                    Posted: July 26, 2012, 10:25 pm - IP Logged

                      Don't believe in superstition---- it brings bad luck.  Green laugh

                    "You can observe a lot just by watching." Yogi Berra, Hall of Fame baseball player.

                    The numbers will tell you what numbers to play. Pay attention to the numbers.

                    Don't just think outside the box, crush it.

                      grwurston's avatar - 144
                      Let's Go Rangers!!!
                      bel air maryland
                      United States
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                      April 24, 2010
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                      Posted: July 26, 2012, 10:30 pm - IP Logged

                        I don't believe in luck, but then how else do you explain other people doing so well?  Green laugh

                      "You can observe a lot just by watching." Yogi Berra, Hall of Fame baseball player.

                      The numbers will tell you what numbers to play. Pay attention to the numbers.

                      Don't just think outside the box, crush it.


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                        Posted: July 26, 2012, 10:58 pm - IP Logged

                        Young Chuck moved to Montana and bought a horse from a farmer for $100.00. The  farmer agreed to deliver the horse the next day. The next Day he drove up and  said, "Sorry, Son, but I have some bad news, The horse died."

                        Chuck  replied, "Well, then just give me my money back."

                        The farmer said, "Can't  do that. I went and spent it already."

                        Chuck said, "Ok, then, just bring  me the dead horse."

                        The farmer asked, "What ya gonna do with him?"

                        Chuck said, "I'm going to raffle him off."

                        The farmer said, "You  can't raffle off a dead horse!"

                        Chuck said, "Sure I can. Watch me. I just  won't tell anybody he's dead."

                        A month later, the farmer met up with  Chuck and asked, "What happened With that dead horse?"

                        Chuck said, "I  raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars a Piece and made a net profit  of $898.00."

                        The farmer said, "Didn't anyone complain?"

                        Chuck  said, "Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back."

                        Chuck  grew up and now works for the government.

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                          Posted: July 26, 2012, 11:01 pm - IP Logged

                          "IF I DIDNT HAVE BAD LUCK I WOULDNT HAVE ANY LUCK"   LOL

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                            Posted: July 26, 2012, 11:04 pm - IP Logged

                            " GOOD ONE ONLYMONEY "

                              grwurston's avatar - 144
                              Let's Go Rangers!!!
                              bel air maryland
                              United States
                              Member #90251
                              April 24, 2010
                              5119 Posts
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                              Posted: July 26, 2012, 11:11 pm - IP Logged

                              Green laughGreen laughGreen laughCheers    This one is a keeper!!!

                              "You can observe a lot just by watching." Yogi Berra, Hall of Fame baseball player.

                              The numbers will tell you what numbers to play. Pay attention to the numbers.

                              Don't just think outside the box, crush it.