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Lottery Jokes

Topic closed. 19 replies. Last post 4 years ago by LottoBux.

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United States
Member #128790
June 2, 2012
5431 Posts
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Posted: July 26, 2012, 11:11 pm - IP Logged

Harry walks into work one Monday morning with a huge grin on his face.

One of his co-workers says, "Why are you so happy?"

Harry says, "I went to Bingo for the first time in my life this weekend and I won a thousand bucks."

A week later, Harry walks into work on Monday morning and he's skipping down the hall, high-fiving everyone.

One of his co-workers says, "You win at Bingo again?"

Harry says, "No, no, it's better than that. I bought my first lottery ticket this weekend and I won ten grand. I'm feeling so <snip> lucky that I think I'm going to ask that new Indian girl in Accounting out on a date."

The next Monday morning Harry is doing cartwheels down the hall.

One of the co-workers says, "Did you win another lottery?"

Harry says, "No, no, it's better than that. You know that Indian girl from Accounting I asked out? Well, we had a great time at dinner, so I invited her up to my apartment for drinks, we wind up in bed, and the next thing I know she's giving me the best (snip) job I ever had."

One of his co-workers says. "Man, are you frigging lucky."

Harry says, "No, no, it's better than that. As She's (snipping) me, I look down, and you know that red dot on her forehead? I scratched it and I won ten grand."

 

This post has been automatically changed by the Lottery Post computer system to remove inappropriate content and/or spam.

    grwurston's avatar - Cute animals_Spider.jpg
    Winning makes me smile.
    bel air maryland
    United States
    Member #90251
    April 24, 2010
    4855 Posts
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    Posted: July 26, 2012, 11:19 pm - IP Logged

     Did you hear about the moron who lost $50 on the football game?

     $25 on the game and $25 on the instant replay.  Green laugh

    "You can observe a lot just by watching." Yogi Berra, Hall of Fame baseball player.

    The numbers will tell you what numbers to play. Pay attention to the numbers.

    Don't just think outside the box, crush it.

      grwurston's avatar - Cute animals_Spider.jpg
      Winning makes me smile.
      bel air maryland
      United States
      Member #90251
      April 24, 2010
      4855 Posts
      Offline
      Posted: July 26, 2012, 11:24 pm - IP Logged

        How do you get 50 little old ladies to yell "OH @#$% ?"

        Have another little old lady stand up and yell "BINGO!!!"  Green laugh

      "You can observe a lot just by watching." Yogi Berra, Hall of Fame baseball player.

      The numbers will tell you what numbers to play. Pay attention to the numbers.

      Don't just think outside the box, crush it.


        United States
        Member #128790
        June 2, 2012
        5431 Posts
        Offline
        Posted: July 26, 2012, 11:26 pm - IP Logged

         Did you hear about the moron who lost $50 on the football game?

         $25 on the game and $25 on the instant replay.  Green laugh

        Ha ha

          LottoBux's avatar - 2elh5if
          Ontario
          Canada
          Member #109243
          April 9, 2011
          31437 Posts
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          Posted: July 27, 2012, 1:33 am - IP Logged

          A broke blonde decides to ask God for help. "Dear Lord," she prays, "if I don't  get some cash, I'm gonna lose everything. Please let me win the lottery."

          Lottery night comes, but the blonde doesn't win. She prays even harder,  saying, "God, why have you forsaken me? My children are starving. Please just  let me win this once."

          Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light, and  the blonde hears God speak.

          "Sweetheart, work with me on this," he says.  "Buy a ticket."