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Coin Toss's Blog

Page 17 of 56

The Will

The Will
   
Doug is on his deathbed and knows the end is near.
   
     His nurse, his wife, his daughter and 2 sons, are with him.
   
     He asks for 2 witnesses to be present and a camcorder be in place to record
     his last wishes, and when all is ready he begins to speak:
 
         My son, "Bernie, I want you to take the Mayfair houses."
         My daughter "Sybil, you take the apartments over in the east end."
         My son, "Jamie, I want you to take the offices over in the City Centre."
         "Sarah, my dear wife, please take all the residential buildings on the banks of the river."
   
    The nurse and witnesses are blown away as they did not realize his extensive holdings,
     and as Doug slips away, the nurse says, "your husband must have been such a
     hard-working man to have accumulated all this property".
   
The wife replies,
The idiot had a paper route.

Entry #595

The Irish! Utmost in Caring and Compassion

The Irish!  The Utmost In Caring And Compassion
Shortly after take-off on an outbound evening
Air Lingus flight from Dublin to Boston, the lead flight

attendant nervously made the following painful

 announcement in her lovely Irish brogue: “Ladies and gentlemen,
I'm so very   sorry,  but it appears that   there has been a terrible mix-up
by our catering service. I don't know how    this has happened, but we
have 103 passengers on board, and unfortunately, we received only 40 dinner

 meals   I truly apologize for this mistake and inconvenience.”
 
 When the muttering of the passengers had died down, she continued, 
 Anyone who is kind enough to give up their meal so that someone else can eat
 will receive free, unlimited drinks for the duration of our 5  hour flight.”

 Her next announcement came about 2 hours later:
 "If anyone is hungry, we still have 40 dinners available.”

Entry #592

Prayer for 2016

Dear Beloved God in Heaven,


Please give us a president who loves this country and for everything it stands. .

Please give us a president who respects you as the one true God.

Please give us a president who will, with your help, restore this nation to its former glory,

the way you created her.


Please help us to respect what you have given to us and not to take anything for granted ever again.

Please God, weaken the evil and strengthen the good, both within and without. May our eyes be opened.
In Jesus' name,


Amen

Entry #591

Women's Seminar

I LOVE YOU, SWEETHEART


 
A group of women were at a seminar on how to live
in a loving relationship with their husbands.
The women were asked, "How many of you love your husband?"
All the women raised their hands.
Then they were asked, "When was the last time
you told your husband you loved him?"
Some women answered today, a few yesterday and
some couldn't remember.
The women were then told to take out their cell phones and
text their husband: "I LOVE YOU, SWEETHEART."
Next the women were instructed to exchange phones
with another woman and read aloud the text message
she received in response to her message.

 
Below are 12 hilarious replies.
If you have been married for quite a while,
you understand that these replies are a sign of true love....
who else would reply in such a succinct and honest way?

 
1. WHO THE HELL IS THIS?
2. Eh, mother of my children, are you sick or what?
3. Yeah, and I love you too. What's wrong?
4. What now? Did you wreck the car again?
5. I don't understand what you mean?
6. What the hell did you do now?
8. Don't beat about the bush; just tell me how much you need?
9. Am I dreaming?
10. If you don't tell me who this message is actually for, someone will die.
11. I thought we agreed you wouldn't drink during the day.
12. Your mother is coming to stay with us, isn't she?

 
Kinda tugs at the heart, doesn't it?!
Entry #590

How sharp is this guy?

Saw a guy in traffic today driving a BMW with a Bernie Sanders 2016 bumper sticker!

Bang Head

I wonder if his boy Bernie wins if he'll be driving a Smart car.

Green laugh

Entry #588

Cruz citizenship

Somebody tell me why it's ok to have a president who was born in Kenya and in the US as a foreign exchange student but not ok to have a candidate who was born in Canada to an a American parent.

Entry #587

Deporting aliens 1952

Deporting Aliens -1952
Here is number eight US Code 1182, inadmissible aliens.

This law was written in 1952.  It was passed by a Democrat-controlled Congress, House and Senate, and signed by a Democrat president.

"Suspension of entry or imposition of restrictions by president.  Whenever the president finds that the entry of any aliens or of any class of aliens into the United States would be detrimental to the interests of the United States, the president may, by proclamation, and for such period as he shall deem necessary, suspend the entry of all aliens or any class of aliens as immigrants or nonimmigrants or impose on the entry of aliens any restrictions he may deem to be appropriate."

All of the pundits that are claiming that what Trump said is dumb, stupid, reckless, dangerous, and/or unconstitutional, need to educate themselves.  It is already the law of the land.  And it was utilized by Jimmy Carter, no less, in 1979 to keep Iranians out of the United States, but he actually did more.  He made all Iranian students already here check in, and then he deported a bunch.  Seven thousand were found in violation of their visas, 15,000 Iranians were forced to leave the United States, 1979.
You probably won’t hear of this from the mainstream media, but those are the facts!

Maybe Trump isn’t that dumb after all?

Look it up:  https://www.gpo.gov/fdsys/granule/USCODE-2011-title8/USCODE-2011-title8-chap12-subchapII-partII-sec1182
Entry #584

Italian legal system, divorce case

ITALIAN LEGAL SYSTEM - DIVORCE CASE HEARING!
A man and his wife were getting a divorce at a local court in Italy, but the custody of their children posed a problem.
The mother jumped to her feet and protested to the judge that since she had brought the children into this world, she should retain custody of them.
The man also wanted custody of his children, so the judge asked for his side of the story. After a long moment of silence, the man rose from his chair and replied: "Your Honor, when I put a coin into a vending machine, and a Coke comes out, does the Coke belong to me or to the machine?"

DON'T LAUGH, HE WON!
Entry #583

Fear, anger grip Cologne after New Year's Eve rampage

Cologne (Germany) (AFP) - "A group of men tried to mug me -- how am I supposed to react the next time?" teenager Marie-Sophie Christ demands of a policeman outside Cologne's main railway station.

Fear and anger have gripped citizens of the Rhineland city after an unprecedented and apparently coordinated rash of robberies and sex assaults on New Year's Eve blamed on men of Arab or North African appearance

]http://finance.yahoo.com/news/fear-anger-grip-cologne-years-eve-rampage-145521661.html;_ylt=AwrXnCV1Q49WelMA8InQtDMD;_ylu=X3oDMTByb2lvbXVuBGNvbG8DZ3ExBHBvcwMxBHZ0aWQDBHNlYwNzcg

___________________________________________________________________

Sure, obama , let 10,000 of them come to the US.

 

Entry #582

A Christmas Story

Wink   (Warning ladies, this is an oinker joke) 
A Christmas Story
 
A couple were in a busy shopping center just before Christmas.
 
The wife suddenly noticed that her husband was missing, and as they had a lot to do, she called him on his cell phone.
The wife said "Where are you? You know we have lots to do."
 
He said, "Do you remember the jewelry store we went into about 10 years ago, and you fell in love with a diamond necklace?
I could not afford it at the time, and I said that one day I would get it for you."
 
Little tears started to flow down her cheek, and she got all choked up. "Yes, I do remember that shop," she replied.
 
"Well, I'm in the Hooters next to that."
 
Entry #581
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