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jarasan's Blog

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May 6,2007 2:03:04 AM

Check it out it'll be 02:03:04 AM on 05/06/07 !

Only happens once, and it is on my mom's birthday!

Entry #5

Some Rodney jokes to lighten the mood.

      I miss Rodney Dangerfield.  He got no respect,  I could relate.
     
         My wife only has sex with me for a purpose.  Last night she used me
to time an egg.
       
          It's tough to stay married.  My wife kisses the dog on the lips, Yet
she won't drink from my glass!
       
         Last night my wife met me at the front door.  She was wearing a sexy
negligee.  The only trouble was, she was coming home.


        A girl phoned me and said, "Come on over.  There's nobody home."
        I Went over.  Nobody was home!

        A hooker once told me she had a headache.

        I went to a massage parlor.  It was self service.

        If it weren't for pickpockets, I'd have no sex life at all.

        I was making love to this girl and she started crying.  I said, "Are
you going to hate yourself in the morning?" She said, "No, I hate myself
now."

        I knew a girl so ugly that she was known as a two-bagger.  That's
when you put a bag over your head in case the bag over her head comes off.

        I knew a girl so ugly, they use her in prisons to cure sex
Offenders.

     & nbsp;  My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen
the roaches hang themselves.

        I'm so ugly I stuck my head out the window and got arrested for
mooning.


        The other day I came home and a guy was jogging, naked.  I asked
"Why?" He said "Because you came home early."

        My wife's such a bad cook, the dog begs for Alka-Seltzer.

        I know I'm not sexy.  When I put my underwear on I can hear the
Fruit-of-the-Loom guys giggling.

        My wife is such a bad cook, in my house we pray after the meal.


        My wife likes to talk on the phone during sex; she called me from
Chicago last night.

Entry #4

Tax clock ticking away.

Tax time again! And I procrastinated again, this time I frittered the time away on Lottery Post when I shoulda been working on deductions. Hmmm, I wonder if I can deduct........... Well probabaly not.

 

Entry #3

Wisdom

Wisdom

 1. Don't worry about what people think; they don't do it very often.

 2. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

 3. It ain't the jeans that make your butt look fat.

 4. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

 5 For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.

 6. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.

 7. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.

 8. A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel so good.

 9. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.

 10. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.

 11. No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.

 12. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist reverse.

 13. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.

 14. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.

 15. Experience enables you to recognize a mistake when you do the same thing again.

 16. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.

 17. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.

 18. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.

 19. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.

 20. And never, EVER take a sleeping pill and a laxative in the same night.

Entry #2
Page 187 of 187
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