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emilyg's Blog

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Yesterday, 12:39 pmTop 10 Reasons To Vote Democrat:


#10. I vote Democrat because I love the fact that I can now marry whatever I want. I've decided to marry my German Shepherd.

#9. I vote Democrat because I believe oil companies' profits of 4% on a gallon of gas are obscene, but the government taxing the same gallon at 15% isn't.

#8. I vote Democrat because I believe the government will do a better job of spending the money I earn than I would.

#7. I vote Democrat because Freedom of Speech is fine as long as nobody is offended by it.

#6. I vote Democrat because I'm way too irresponsible to own a gun, and I know that my local police are all I need to protect me from murderers and thieves. I am also thankful that we have a 911 service that gets police to your home in order to identify your body after a home invasion.

#5. I vote Democrat because I'm not concerned about millions of babies being aborted so long as we keep all death row inmates alive and comfy.

#4. I vote Democrat because I think illegal aliens have a right to free health care, education, and Social Security benefits, and we should take away Social Security from those who paid into it.

#3. I vote Democrat because I believe that businesses should not be allowed to make profits for themselves. They need to break even and give the rest away to the government for redistribution as the Democrat Party sees fit.

#2. I vote Democrat because I believe liberal judges need to rewrite the Constitution every few days to suit fringe kooks who would never get their agendas past the voters.

And, the #1 reason I vote Democrat is because I think it's better to pay $billions$ for oil to people who hate us, but not drill our own because it might upset some endangered beetle, gopher, or fish here in America. We don't care about the beetles, gophers, or fish in those other countries.

"The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits"... Albert Einstein

Entry #1,468
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April 20, 2014, 12:38 pmPeeing in my flowers...

A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large plastic garbage bags behind her. One of the bags was ripped and every once in a while a $20 bill fell out onto the sidewalk.

Noticing this, a policeman stopped her, and said, "Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag."

"Oh, really? Darn it!" said the little old lady. "I'd better go back and see if I can find them. Thanks for telling me officer.

"Well, now, not so fast," said the cop. " Where did you get all that

You didn't steal it, did you?"

"Oh, no, no", said the old lady. "You see, my back yard is right next to a Golf course. A lot of Golfers come and pee through a knot hole in my fence, right into my flower garden. It used to really tick me off. Kills the flowers, you know. Then I thought, 'why not make the best of it?'

So, now, I stand behind the fence by the knot hole, real quiet, with my hedge clippers. Every time some guy sticks his thing through my fence, I surprise him, grab hold of it and say, 'OK, buddy! Give me $20, or off it comes.'

"Well, that seems only fair," said the cop, laughing. "OK. Good luck! Oh, by the way, what's in the other bag?"

"Not everybody pays."

Entry #1,467
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April 19, 2014, 9:10 pmMiss Kitty's prs. wk. 4-20

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67  69

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Blue Angel  Happy Easter

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April 16, 2014, 7:24 pmReid - haahaaa!!

Poll: Do you think the federal agents seizing and then releasing cattle last week from the Bundy ranch in Nevada will create a political headache for Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid?



Entry #1,465
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April 15, 2014, 11:15 pmHarry Reid...

Harry Reid: The stain in the Senate's briefs
Tuesday, April 15, 2014 6:07:27 PM � by Starman417 � 10 replies
Flopping Aces ^ | 04-14-14 | DrJohn
Harry Reid is an execrable human being. He is the brown stain in the Senate's undershorts. Reid has always been a jerk, the master of the insult: About George W. Bush: About Clarence Thomas: About DC tourists: About Mitt Romney: about John McCain: To his colleagues in the Senate: Reid once told the NY Times: "I'm just who I am, O.K.?" What he is is a classless POS. Dana Bash of CNN once asked Reid: "But if you can help one child with cancer, why won't you do it?" And Reid answered: "Listen," Reid said. "What -- why would we...
www.Flopping Aces.com

Entry #1,464
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April 12, 2014, 9:15 pmMiss Kitty's prs wk 4-13

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68  69

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April 12, 2014, 1:52 pmSharpton...

Mail Online.com

Greedy' Al Sharpton wanted to do 1980s cocaine deal offered by undercover FBI agent for the money, claims former employee
Denial: Al Sharpton says allegations that he met an undercover agent to discuss a drug deal three times are unfounded

A North Carolina man who used to work for Al Sharpton has claimed that his former boss met an undercover agent posing as a drug dealer three times.

Entry #1,462
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April 11, 2014, 1:26 pmO'Reilly is right...

n Thursday's "Talking Points Memo," Bill O'Reilly took on Attorney General Eric Holder's flagrant use and abuse of the race card.

O'Reilly played a clip of Holder's Congressional appearance in which he was reminded that he had been held in contempt for his conduct, and then his appearance before Sharpton's group in which he demanded to know, "What Attorney General has ever had to deal with that kind of treatment?"

"Holder is using his skin color as a shield to avoid explaining to the American people why he has been so ineffective on a variety of fronts," O'Reilly said.

"Nixon was treated far more harshly by Congress than Obama and Nixon's Attorney General was ruined over the Watergate investigation," he added.

"Holder has been treated gently by the press and has not been subject to much scrutiny by the public... Holder's first duty is to the American people, not his party or the president."

"Holder doesn't update investigations," O'Reilly said. "He withholds documents from Congress and stonewalls time and again."

"That's the truth and it has nothing to do with skin color," he concluded.

Entry #1,461
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April 5, 2014, 9:59 pmMiss Kitty's prs wk 4-6

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April 5, 2014, 1:13 pmGrizzly Attack...

This is a story of self control and marksmanship.  A woman survived a grizzly bear attack with one well placed shot from her itsy bitsy .25 calibre Beretta Jetfire.

These are her own words.:

While out hiking in Alberta Canada with my boyfriend, we were surprised when a huge grizzly bear came charging at us out of nowhere.  She must have been protecting her cubs because she was extremely aggressive.

If I had not had my little Beretta Jetfire I would not be here today!  I yanked it out of my purse and fired one shot.  It hit my boyfriend in his kneecap and the bear caught him easily. While the grizzly mauled the poor cripple, I was able to escape by just walking away at a brisk pace. I love that pistol.  I'll find other boyfriends.

Entry #1,459
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April 4, 2014, 12:18 pmResurrection - lol

Priest asked children if they knew what Resurrection was -

Now, asking questions during children's sermons is crucial, but at the same time, asking children questions in front of a congregation can also be very dangerous.
In response to the question, a little boy raised his hand.

The priest called on him and the boy said, "I know that if you have a resurrection that lasts more than four hours you are supposed to call the doctor."

It took ten minutes for the congregation to settle down enough for the service to continue.

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April 1, 2014, 12:27 pmTop Headlines...

op Headlines:

NYT: The Democratic Scramble to Avert Midterm Disaster

CBS: Cleveland Clinic CEO � 3 in 4 With ObamaCare Now Have Higher Premiums

Bloomberg: FBI Probes High-Frequency Trading Firms for Abuse of Information

Newsmax: Dershowitz Hails Pollard-for-Peace Deal as 'No-Brainer'

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March 30, 2014, 2:01 pmHusband calling home...

Husband's Message (by cellphone):

Honey,  a car has hit me near  the office. Paula brought me to the Hospital.

They have been making tests and taking X-rays...

The blow to my head has been very strong, fortunately it seems that did not cause any serious injury, but I have three broken ribs, a compound fracture in the left leg, and they may have to amputate the right foot...

Wife's Response:

Who the Hell is Paula??

Entry #1,456
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March 29, 2014, 9:28 pmMiss Kitty's prs. wk 3-30

03  06  07  09

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78  79                  89

Last Edited: March 29, 2014, 9:28 pm

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March 29, 2014, 1:00 pmWeek-end laughs...

Think before you speak!
Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the words back?


I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked loudly,
'How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?' I turned around and walked back out and never went back My husband didn't say a word...he knew better.


I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by
one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store. He asked if he could help me.
Without thinking, I looked at him and said,
'I think I like playing with men's balls'


My sister and I were at the mall and
passed by a store that sold a variety of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, ' No, I'm just looking at your nuts.' My sister started to laugh hysterically. The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my sister has never let me forget.


While in line at the bank one afternoon,
my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust
and annoyance from other patrons. I told her that if she did not start behaving 'right now' she would be punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, 'If you don't let me go right now,
I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!'The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing.
I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me, were screams of laughter.


Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch, in between errands It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so ofcourse I checked myseven-month-old daughter, she was clean. Then I realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while. I asked him if he needed to go, and he said 'No' .. I kept thinking 'Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any clothes with me.' Then I said, 'Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?' 'No,' he replied.
I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse.
Soooooo, I asked one more time, 'Danny did you have an accident? This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over, spread his cheeks and yelled 'SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!' While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing, he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down. An old couple made me feel better, thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!


This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before she speaks. What happens when you predict snow but don't get any! We had a female news anchor that, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weathermanand asked: 'So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?' Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!

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