ochoop17's Blog

What Word this Text Rebus say ? XLR8

A man comes home with his daughter, whom he has just taken to work. The little girl asks, "I saw you in your office with your secretary. Why do you call her a doll."

Feeling his wife's gaze upon him, the man explains, "Well, honey, my secretary is a very hard-working girl. She types like you wouldn't believe, she knows the computer system, and is very efficient."

"Oh. I thought it was because she closed her eyes when you laid her down on the couch."

What is it that when you take away the whole
you still have some left over?

Q: Why is air a lot like sex?

A: Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.

What's the best way to carve wood?

What kind of stones are never found in the ocean?

The stockbroker received notice from the IRS that he was being audited. He showed up at the appointed time and place with all his financial records, then sat for what seemed like hours as the accountant pored over them.


Finally the IRS agent looked up and commented, "You must have been a tremendous fan of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle."


"Why would you say that?" wondered the broker.


"Because you've made more brilliant deductions on your last three returns than Sherlock Holmes made in his entire career."

  I am a box that holds keys without locks, yet my keys can unlock your deepest senses. What am I?

DEA officer stops at a ranch in Texas, and talks with an old rancher.. He tells the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for ill*gally grown dr*gs."
The rancher says, "Okay , but do not go in that field over there," as he points out the location.
The DEA officer verbally explodes saying, "Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me." Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removes his badge and proudly displays it to the rancher. "See this badge? This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish.... On any land.. No questions asked or answers given. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand? "
The rancher nods politely, apologizes, and goes about his chores.
A short time later, the old rancher hears loud screams and sees the DEA officer running for his life chased by the rancher's big Santa Gertrudis Bull......
With every step the bull is gaining ground on the officer, and it seems likely that he'll get gored before he reaches safety. The officer is clearly terrified.
The rancher throws down his tools, runs to the fence and yells at the top of his lungs.....

"Your badge... Show him your badge!!"

I am the beginning of the end and the end of time and space. I am essential to creation and I surround every place. What am I?

  A Burmese man visits a dentist in India.

The dentist asks him: “Don’t you have dentists in Burma?”

“Yes, we do,” the man replies, “but we’re not allowed to open our mouths.”

Many have heard it, but nobody has ever seen it, and it will not speak back until spoken to. What is it?

"What's the difference between a 'hippo' and a 'Zippo'? One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter"