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ochoop17's Blog

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Yesterday, 10:38 amHow Can..

How can you tell that a vampire likes baseball?

Entry #2,637
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August 21, 2014, 9:13 am10 Games For Old Age

1.)Sag, You're it
2.)Pin the Toupee on the bald guy
3.)20 questions shouted into your good ear
4.)Kick the bucket
5.)Red Rover, Red Rover, the nurse says Bend Over
6.)Doc Goose
7.)Simon says something incoherent
8.)Hide and go pee
9.)Spin the Bottle of Mylanta
10.)Musical recliners

Entry #2,636
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August 20, 2014, 9:33 amWhat Am I ?

You answer me, although I never ask you questions. What am I?

Entry #2,635
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August 19, 2014, 12:19 pmTee Shot

A guy stood over his tee shot for what seemed an eternity, looking up, looking down, measuring the distance, figuring the wind direction and speed. He was driving his partner nuts. Finally his exasperated partner says, “What’s taking so long? Hit the blasted ball!”

The guy answers, “My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot.”

“Forget it, man,” said his partner, “you don’t stand a snowball chance in hell of hitting her from here!”

Entry #2,634
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August 18, 2014, 12:11 pmWhy Is..

Why is the letter "A" like noon?

Entry #2,633
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August 17, 2014, 2:13 pmU Smell That ?

Entry #2,632
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August 16, 2014, 8:56 amHow Come ?

A hiker went without sleep for seven days and wasn't tired. How come?

Entry #2,631
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August 15, 2014, 10:15 amWhat Do...

Q: What do you call a fat psychic?
A: A four chin teller.

Entry #2,630
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August 14, 2014, 9:19 amWhat Did She Eat?

First Tracey threw away the outside.Then she cooked the inside.Then she eat the outside and threw away the inside.What did she eat?

Entry #2,629
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August 13, 2014, 11:25 amTalking Dog

A guy is driving around and he sees a sign in front of a house: “Talking Dog For Sale.”

He rings the bell, and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a labrador retriever sitting there.

You talk?” he asks.

“Yep,” the lab replies.

“So, what’s your story?”

The lab looks up and says, “Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running.

“But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn’t getting any younger, so I wanted to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security work, mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals. I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I’m just retired.”

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.

“Ten dollars.”

The guy says, “This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?”

“Because he’s a liar. He didn’t do any of that stuff!”

Entry #2,628
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August 12, 2014, 11:10 amWhat Am I ?

I am all about, but cannot be seen,
I can be captured, but cannot be held,
I have no throat, but am often heard.

Entry #2,627
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August 11, 2014, 8:49 amTwo Drops of Water

An older Woman is in the bar of a cruise ship and asks the bartender for a
scotch with two drops of water. As the bartender gives her the drink she
says, "I'm on the cruise to celebrate my 80th birthday and it's today."

The bartender says "Well, since it's your birthday, I'll buy you a drink. In
fact, this one is on me."

As the woman finishes her drink, the woman to her right says, "I would like
to buy you a drink too."

The old woman says, "Thank you.

Bartender, I want a scotch with two drops of water.

"Coming up," says the bartender.

As she finishes her drink, the man to her left says, "I would like to buy
you one too.

The old women says, "Thank you. Bartender, I would like another scotch
with two drops of water."

"Comin' right up," the bartender says. As he gives her the drink he says,
"Ma'am, I'm dying of curiosity. Why the Scotch with only two drops of water?"

The old woman replies, "Sonny, when you're my age, you learn how to hold
your liquor. Water, however, is a whole other issue."

Entry #2,626
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August 10, 2014, 11:10 amWhat Is It ?

He who has it doesn't tell it. He who takes it doesn't know it. He who knows it doesn't want it. What is it?

Entry #2,625
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August 9, 2014, 12:35 pmWhat's The...

What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer can let a case drag out for several years. A good lawyer can make it last even longer.

Entry #2,624
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August 8, 2014, 10:13 amWhen Is..

When is 99 more than 100?

Entry #2,623
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