Elizabeth03's Blog

Der IRS: I would like to cancel my subscription.

Please remove my name from your mailing list.

** Anonymous   

I have come to the conclusion that politics are too serious a matter to be left to the politicians.

**Charles De Gaulle

Don't let it end like this.

Tell them I said something.

**Dying words of Pancho Villa

A woman was getting swamped with calls from strangers. The reason? A billing service had launched an 800 number that was identical to hers. When

she called to complain, she was told to get a new number.

"I've had mine for twenty years," she pleaded, "Couldn't you change yours?"

The company refused, so she said, "Fine. From now on, I'm going to tell everyone who calls that their bill is paid in full."

The company got a new number the next day.

The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.

^* Oliver Wendell Holmes

My father taught me to work, he did not teach me to love it. I never did like to work, and I don't deny it I'd rather read, tell stories, crack jokes, talk, laugh- or anything but work.

^* Abraham Lincoln

I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.

**W.C. Fields 

I've always followed my father's advice, he told me first to always keep my word and second to never insult anybody unintentionally.  If I insult you, you can be goddamn sure I intend to.  And, third,  he told

me not to go around looking for trouble.

**John Wayne

The other day a woman came up to me and said, "Didn't I see you on television?" I said, "I don't know, you can't see out the other way."

**Emo Phillips

I don't want to achieve immorality through my work.... I want to

achieve it through not dying.

^^ Woody Allen

Life is just a bowl of pits.

Rodney Dangerfield

That's very clever sir. But what if there's a fire?

 I think violating fire codes and endangering the lives of children would be unwise at this juncture in my career, sir.

**Bender from The Breakfast Club

Imagination is more important than knowledge...

Albert Einstein

You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.

**Dean Martin

I got up one morning and couldn't find my socks, so I called information.

She said, Hello, Information.

I said, I can't find my socks.

She said, they're behind the couch.

And they were!

**Steven Wright