Elizabeth03's Blog

To be idle is a short road to death and to be diligent is a way of life;

foolish people are idle, wise people are diligent.

Buddha

Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

In his life, every man is entitled to fall madly in love with a gorgeous redhead.

**Lucille Ball

If you are going through hell, keep going.

**Sir Winston Churchill

The world is my country, all mankind are my brethren, and to do good is my religion.

** Thomas Paine

He who hesitates is a damn fool.

**Mae West

What do you think of western civilization? "I think it would be a good idea."

** Mahatma Gandhi

Be Nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.

Jimmy Durante

Those who are willing to sacrifice their basic liberties to assure their security deserve neither.

--  Benjamin Franklin

Should children witness childbirth?

Due to a power outage, only one paramedic responded to the call. The house was very dark so the paramedic asked Kathleen, a 3 yr old girl to hold a flashlight high over her mommy so he could see while he helped deliver the baby.

 Very diligently, Kathleen did as she was asked. Heidi pushed and pushed and after a little while, Connor was born. The paramedic held him by his little feet and spanked him on the bottom. Connor began to cry.

The paramedic then thanked Kathleen for her help and asked the wide-eyed 3 yr old what she thought about what she had witnessed. Kathleen quickly responded, "He shouldn't have crawled in there in the first place.

Smack his ass again!"

If you don't laugh at this one, there's no hope for you.

Three priests were in a railroad station on their way home to Pittsburg. Behind the ticket counter was a very sexy, shapely well endowed woman wearing a very tight skimpy sweater. She made the three priests very nervous, so they drew straws to determine who would get the tickets.

The first priest approached the window, 'Young lady, I would like three pickets to titsburg.' He completely lost his composure and fled. The second priest goes to the window, young lady, I would like three tickets to Pittsburg and I would like the change in nipples and .'

Mortified, he too fled.   'Morons...' the third priest mutters and moves to the window, 'Young lady, I would like three tickets to Pittsburg and I would like the change in nickles and .

And if you insist on dressing like that, when you get to the pearly gates, St.  Finger's going to shake his Peter at you.'

They took the bus.

Banking establishments are more dangerous than standing armies.

Thomas Jefferson

It doesn't hurt to take a hard look at yourself from time to time, and this should get you started.

During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director what the critererion was which defined whether or not  a person should be institutionalized.

'Well,' said the Director, 'we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub.'

'Oh, I understand,' said the visitor. 'A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup.'

'No, said the Director, A normal person would pull the plug.

Do you want a bed near the window?'

DID YOU PASS, OR DO YOU WANT THE BED NEXT TO MINE?

I am only as strong as the coffee I drink,

>the hairspray I use and the friends I have.

>To the cool women that have touched my life.

>Here's to you!

>

National Girlfriends Day

> What would most of us do without our girlfriends, confidants

> and shopping, lunching, and travelling girls?

> Let's celebrate each other for each other's sake!

> TO MY GIRLFRIENDS!

>

>   It is good to be a women.:

>1. We got off the titantic first.

>2.We can scare our bosses with the mysterious gynelogical disorder excuses

>3. Taxis stop for us.

>4. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.

>5. No fashion faux pas we make, could ever rival the speedo.

>6. We don't have to pass gas to amuse ourselves.

>7. If we forget to shave, no one has to know.

>8. We can congratulate our teammates without ever having to touch her rear end.

>9. We never have to reach down every so often

>  to make sure our privates are still there,

>10. We have the ability to dress ourselves.

>11. We can talk to the opposite sex without

> ever having to picture them naked.

>12. If we marry someone 20 years younger,

>we are aware that we will look like an idiot.

>13. We will never regret piercing our ears

>14. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.

>15. We can make comments about how silly men are in their presence

>because they aren't listening anyway.

> Send this to all the bright women you know and make their day!!!!!

Well the weather forecast did call for rain today. I told a gentleman yesterday that it would rain today. And he didn't want to believe me.

Well, he should look like a fool today, because he wouldn't listen to me! It's pouring out here indeed.

I like walking in the rain. Some people have floods in their basements. I'm glad that we don't have a basement!