Elizabeth03's Blog

I have never understood why women love cats. Cats are independent, they don't listen, they don't come in when you call, they like to stay out all night, and when they're home they like to be left alone and sleep. In other words, every quality that women hate in a man, they love in a cat.

A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic It died. After he works on it for a few minutes;

Is it idiling smoothly. She says, " What's the story?" He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor"

She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"

I bought a atlantic 49 ticket with the tag, that's a six digit combination at the bottom of the ticket. I won $ 2.00 I believe. Have to cash it in.

I played Lotto 649, but didn't win on that. Also I purchased a Keno ticket , and played a few combinations, but alas no luck with that..

On to another day... Also we got a snowstorm yesterday, which has carried onto today. The past few weeks I saw some people wearing shorts and I thought that they were nuts, because I knew that winter wasn't over just because it felt warmer out!

 Spring  arrived a few weeks back, but in name only! We still have winter with us!...

He who......can take no interest in what is small, will take false interest in what is great.

...dies with most toys, is, nonetheless, still dead.

...laughs last thinks slowest!

...slings mud loses ground.

When dogs leap onto your bed, it's because they adore being with you. When cats leap onto your bed, it's because they adore your bed.

When I'm right no-one remembers: when I'm wrong no-one forgets.

Refusing to have an opinion is a way of having one.

Remember, your relatives had no choice in the matter either.

A guy is reading his paper when his wife walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head with a frying pan. 'Oww, what was that for?!" he asks. I found a piece of paper in your pocket with 'Betty Sue' written on it," she angrily replies.

"Jeez, honey, remember last week when I went to the track? ' Betty Sue' was the name of the horse I went there to bet on."  She shrugs and walks away.

Three days later he's reading his paper when she walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head again with the frying pan.

"Oww, now what was THAT for?!"      "Your horse called."

The animal-control department in Fairfield, Connecticut, has issued a restraining order on Lewis, the cat. The feline has been terrorizing his neighborhood, including attacking the Avon lady, who has filed a civil suit against the cat's owner, Ruth Cisero.

Lewis has allegedly attacked six people, leaving claw marks, scratches and punctures in his wake. "He comes at you from behind, wrapping himself around your legs, biting and scratching," said neighbour Janet Kettman.  Cisero says her neighbours abuse Lewis, and that's why he attacks them. "I've told them if they leave him alone, he'll leave them alone."

Croc attack:  An angry crocodile called Brutus didn't like the sound a chainsaw was making and attacked it. The 4.4-metre long croc lives in a crocodile enclosure at Corroboree Park Tavern near Darwin in northern Australia. A man wielding a chainsaw was cleaning up debris that had fallen against the enclosure when Brutus attacked. Neither Brutus nor the man with the chainsaw was injured, but the chainsaw was destroyed.

"He grabbed the chainsaw out of his hands, and then he chewed on it for about half an hour," said tavern owner Peter Shappert. By the time they got it away from Brutus's giant jaws, it was a goner.

A funny story

 I was reviewing my client's case with him in prison when it was announced that visitor's had 15 minutes to leave or be locked in for the three-hour prison head count. I bade my client farewell and left. But somehow, I managed to get lost on my way out. Desperate for directions to the exit, I noticed some men wearing orange jumpsuits. Mistaking them for workmen, I called out to one of them-- a no-neck, barrel-chested man. "Sir," I said, "I need to get out of here." He shrugged and said, "Lady, so do I."

Saturday's estimated jackpot is $30 million. The commercial on television asks, what is your lotto happy dance.?...

I would be dancing, I would tell you. I have been practicing for a long time. I see myself so clearly winning the lottery and going to the lottery corporation.

 I hope that it is not just my imagination, but that it will happen, and that I will be able to handle it!..

Time will tell...

There is a commercial on television in Canada, showing people dancing if they win the lottery. In United States do they have lottery commercials like that?

Kisses are like tears, the only real ones are the ones you can't hold back.

Laughing at our mistakes can lengthen our own life. Laughing at someone else's can shorten it!

Life is 10% of what happens to you and 90% of how you respond.

Man is a peculiar creature. He spends a fortune making his home insect-proof and air-conditioned, and then eats in the yard.

Many years ago, a large American shoe company sent two sales representatives out to different parts of the Australian outback to see if they could drum up some business among the Aborigines. Some time later, the company received telegrams from both agents. The first said, " No business here... natives don't wear shoes." The second one said, " Great opportunity here ... natives don't wear shoes!"

A joke

Our co-worker kept trying to get her mother to fly out for a visit. " No way am I getting on an airplane," was the inevitable answer. "Look Mom, when it's your time to go, it doesn't matter if you you're on the ground or in the air." " I know," said her mother. " I just don't want to  be that far off the ground when it's the pilot's time to go."

I won a free ticket on the super 7 , also $ 10 on a line and $ 2 on the tag. Total $ 12 return.

Hope to win more than that, that's just a drop in the bucket. A little for a rainy day but not nearly enough.

We are getting a storm tonight. I heard there was stormy weather in the United States as well.

We are getting strong winds and ice pellets and possibly heavy snow expected. I'll be praying for anyone who is in stormy weather.

The loss of engines

Two blondes were flying to Miami from Cleveland. Fifteen minutes into the flight, the captain announced " one of the engines has failed and the flight will be an our longer."

But don't worry we have two engines left".

An hour later the captain announced " one more engine has failed and the flight will be three hours longer. But don't worry we have one engine left."

One blonde looked at the other blonde and said " If we lose one more engine, we'll be up here all day!