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Common Courtesy?


I have a friend of mine who is going through a tough time...divorce and all that...having to move out of his house, all because of indiscretions his wife took. She is the one that should have moved out in my opinion, but that could be an entirely new blog entry that could go on for days.

The other day, my friend called over to his old house - he is allowed free access according to the separation agreement - to tell her that he was coming out to get some of his things that he needed. He called an hour and a half before said excursion. He got her voicemail, but being polite, he said he would call again when he got close. Now, she has been seeing another guy for quite a while, so he figured that he would have the courtesy to get hold of her to make sure the new boyfriend (we will call The Guy) was gone to prevent any discomfort. So, he gets about 30 minutes from the house, and calls again. Same thing...voice mail. Said he would call back again when he got there.

He gets to the house and The Guy's car is in the driveway. He is livid. He gives her two chances to get him out and she didn't pick up. So he calls the house phone and she answers and my buddy says "I tried calling you...I am here to get some things". She tells him it isn't a good time, and acts like she is inconvenienced. My buddy can't believe what's going on...here he is in the driveway of HIS house where a guy is having sex with HIS wife and she tells him it isn't a good time. Can the guy not zip his pants and leave for a half hour while my friend has time to do his thing?

The wife acts like she did nothing wrong. It's okay to have The Guy in her bedroom while my friend is getting stuff. What sense does this woman have? None apparantly. It's common courtesy to make this comfortable. She has no kouthe whatsoever. My buddy is a better man than me I must add...if I was in that same situation and my wife's new b/f was in the other room, chances are he wouldn't either make it out alive, or at least without a scratch. I must commend him for his restraint. I wouldn't have been so fortunate. And is The Guy that stupid too? If I knew my girlfriend's husband was coming over, I would be long gone, even "flapping in the breeze" if need be. No telling how capable people are these days, especially when dealing with emotions.

The worst part about this is that she calls my friend yesterday and apologizes to him, even though she said she did nothing wrong...

Maybe she needs to up the dosage....

Entry #20


Rick GComment by Rick G - December 28, 2006, 3:36 pm
Your friend is lucky to be out of that marriage. His ex-wife and 'The Guy' are also lucky...a lot of guys would have lost it under those circumstances.
cps10Comment by cps10 - December 28, 2006, 3:43 pm
Rick - that is what I was telling him..he is a much stronger man than me. Had that been me, The Guy might now be called The Gal. It's tough watching your best friend go through such a terrible thing. But he is much better than being with someone who lies, cheats and steals.
konaneComment by konane - December 28, 2006, 4:24 pm
Your friend has a huge amount of dignity, substance, restraint, class and intelligence to not create a potential legal scene for himself. I hope he finds someone who appreciates him as a person along with those qualities ... who he can spend the rest of his life with in total bliss. Please pass on my good wishes to him.

Sounds like his soon to be ex needs a couple of hours with Judge Judy and other daytime tv judges for a reality check.
cps10Comment by cps10 - December 28, 2006, 4:35 pm
I agree konane. He is doing well. He is seeing a girl that he dated for three years before. They are on Round 3...perhaps third time is the charm. And we know her already...no snow jobs from her. His soon-to-be-ex deserves to be incarcerated...there are plenty of things I have on her that would make her head spin if she wants to start trouble...about her and "The Guy".
csfbComment by csfb - December 28, 2006, 6:30 pm
Your friend seems to be civilized. Maybe this will be a good thing for him. There'll be other women out there who'll appreciate him and respect him for who he is. Best regards to him.
cashinnComment by cashinn - December 28, 2006, 7:25 pm
Sounds like something is missing in this tale of woe. I don't know, the wifes side maybe. Just an observation.
cps10Comment by cps10 - December 28, 2006, 7:38 pm
cashinn - I would like to know her side of the story as well. However, in the past, her sides of each story have had conflicting information in them. She would tell one person one thing and another person another story. Inasmuch as I would like to know her side, I'm not so sure she wouldn't be talking out of both sides of her mouth like in the past.
justxploringComment by justxploring - December 28, 2006, 7:39 pm
And people wonder why I'm a hermit! Single & free since 1982.
cps10Comment by cps10 - December 28, 2006, 7:42 pm
One other thing I will add is that she did not opt to divorce him...he busted her cheating. She lost her credibility with all of her past lies.
LOTTOMIKEComment by LOTTOMIKE - December 28, 2006, 10:58 pm
cps....get your buddy to document this stuff.trust me.i have been through something very similar.he needs to be careful that she doesn't try to blackmail him to gain leverage.telll him don't let too much time pass and do not let her off too easily.if too much time passes she might try something to swing the situation in her favor.right now she is the wrong one.right now.if that would've been me i would've told the dude he had two choices.my fist or the door.that man has no respect messing with a married woman.your buddy will find someone better......
inittowinComment by inittowin - December 28, 2006, 11:22 pm
cps..This sounds very close to the same circumstances that I had gone through. The best thing for your friend to do is to get out of the relationship ASAP. I've been a "born-again" single for 16 years and I'm loving it!

Make sure you remind your friend that the reason divorces are so expensive, is because they are worth it!
emilygComment by emilyg - December 28, 2006, 11:53 pm
are we all forgetting that in most lousy marriages both people are to blame?
cps10Comment by cps10 - December 29, 2006, 9:14 am
thanks init...and yes, emily, you are right...in this case, both parties are to blame. He was pretty distant with her during their whole marriage, and he will admit that. However, she was in the wrong by going outside of the marriage, not by trying to solve what was wrong within the relationship. My wife kept telling her that if she had a problem with how things were going to either fix it and get out. And that doesn't mean going and seeing some other guy behind his back. That doesn't fix it. It gets you out, but that was cowardly of her to break it off that way. And like MIKE said, The Guy should have steered clear of a married woman, happily married or not.
emilygComment by emilyg - December 29, 2006, 1:06 pm
you're so right. but it does shed a little light why she sought affection outside the marriage. I wish them both the best.

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