1. The most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.
2. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.   
3. Money can't buy happiness but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
4. Deja moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
5. Psychiatrists say that 1 of 4 people is mentally ill, Check three friends. If they're okay, you're it.
6. Nothing in the known universe travels faster than a bad check. 
7. It has recently been discovered that research causes cancer in rats. 
8. The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was.
9. It may be your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
10. The average woman would rather have beauty than brains because the average man can see better than he can think.