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The time is now 5:46 am
You last visited
April 23, 2024, 5:30 am
All times shown are
Eastern Time (GMT-5:00)
Dear Stinky...
Published:
It was rather disheartening just now while making my Grand Entrance to see Stinky was up at 2 in the morning with old Uncle Ridge dominating his every thought to the point that he couldn't sleep. I think we should all find his obsession with me somewhat alarming in a very real sense. We're all in a sense neighbors here and should look out for each other.
You know, as I gaze dreamily from my window here in the library of my humble abode in The Great Hall of The Mountain Kings, my thoughts rarely if ever drift to a far removed ramshackle trailer park in Northern Kentucky where a morbidly obese denizen sits in squalor and filth, cursing his lot in life and those he feels are responsible for it. Why he would choose me and all of Christianity as being responsible for the mess he finds himself in at 75 years old is beyond me. I've been a caring nurturer all my life and I only want to help Stinky and I hope everyone here does also. I want nothing but the best for him.
Stinky, listen to me, buddy. That post about women in Montreal not shaving their legs was what we normal people call "humor." I know you don't have a sense of humor but it's usually used as a means to evoke something we normal people call "laughter." It's an enjoyable experience that you might want to check out sometime like after your soap operas maybe. There's no sexism involved because believe me, nobody likes women more than I do.
Now if you are truly alarmed by sexism, misogyny or racism you should look to your closest friend that they call Numbnutz, He routinely calls women vile names here and he calls people of color here including women things like "Jungle Monkeys" and "Mountain Gorillas" and worse.
But as for you and me, I want you to know that I'm here for you whenever you need me.
We all are, Stinky.
We all are.
Comments
I save the best for last, oh and thank you for all the valuable time you spend to bring such informative and exhilarating content to our little corner of the world.
With all that being said, some other lesser known blog, not really worth the time, has accused you of being " Incardinated" WTH is that? Gas? Sad tummy? I pray this message finds you in excellent health.
That's typical Stinky-Speak.
Stinky, you've outdone yourself once again!
You're still my favorite little fat guy!
As our official self-appointed Commander of the LP Spelling Police Commando Unit, Stinky should know what it is he's trying to say and spell. I'm quite sure the poor fat guy was just trying to spell "incarcerated" but simply failed (as is his custom) as he typed with one hand and tried to gnaw on a turkey leg with the other. It's probably hard to do just the one task alone with those 3 teeth on the bottom and one on the top.
"Incardinated" is the act of a cleric being accepted by the bishop of a different diocese when he switches from one diocese to another. Funny that Stinky would use a term so associated with religion when he curses God and Christians on an almost daily basis. But he seems to be as bad at spelling words as he's always been at picking numbers. I mean, he's certainly not living in that funky old trailer at 75 yrs old because he's found the secret to winning the lottery.
So listen up, Stinky! I know you're up all night thinking about me and how you want to get back at me but there is no need for all that hate and vitriol, little fat guy. Take a few hits off your inhaler and calm the hell down. You're too old to try and compete with me. And way too stupid. And I mean that in a nice way, Stinky. In a very real sense.
And I'm not here to put you down, I'm here to build you up. I'm a caring nurturer for heaven's sakes! I want to take you under my wing and comfort you and console you for all of your life's failures at everything you have ever attempted to do. I'm here to tell you that all your failures in life are not your fault. It was the fault of the likely incestuous gene pool that you were spawned from and the giggling beast that sired you. You have NOTHING to be ashamed of, little fat man.
Now I hope you've enjoyed our little rap session/pep talk, and now Mr Man, I want you to march yourself right out of that mess you're sitting in to the closest mirror in your trailer and sit down on the trash piled in front of it and gaze into the mirror with the biggest smile you can muster and repeat after me:
I'm good enough!
I'm smart enough!
And doggone it!
People like me!
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