2. Money will buy a fine dog, but only kindness will make him wag his
   tail.
   3. If you don’t have a sense of humor, you probably don’t have any sense
   at all.
   4. Seat belts are not as confining as wheelchairs.
   5. A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you’re in deep water.
   6. How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark
  to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night?
   7. Business conventions are important because they demonstrate how many
   people a company can operate without.
   8. Why is it that at class reunions you feel younger than everyone else
   looks?
  9. Scratch a dog and you’ll find a permanent job.
   10. No one has more driving ambition than the boy who wants to buy a car.
   11. There are no new sins; the old ones just get more publicity.
   12. There are worse things than getting a call for a wrong number at 4
  AM. It could be a right number.
   13. Think about this ... No one ever says “It’s only a game” when his
   team is winning.
  14. I’ve reached the age where the happy hour is a nap.
  15. Be careful reading the fine print. There’s no way you’re going to
   like it.
  16. The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has the same size
   bucket

   I just love the following.....

  17. Do you realize that in about 40 years, we’ll have thousands of OLD
  LADIES running around with tattoos? (And RAP music will be the Golden
  Oldies!)
  18. Money can’t buy happiness—but somehow it’s more comfortable to cry
  in a Corvette than in a Prius.

  19. After a certain age, if you don’t wake up aching in every joint, you
  are probably dead.