Two elderly ladies are sitting on the front porch, doing nothing. One
 lady turns and asks, "Do you still get horny?" The other replies, "Oh sure
 I do." The first old lady asks, "What do you do about it?" The second
 old lady replies, "I suque' a lifesaver." After a few moments, the first old
 lady asks, "Who drives you to the beach?"

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 *****************
 Three old ladies were sitting side by side in their retirement home
 reminiscing. The first lady recalled shopping at the green grocers and
 demonstrated with her hands, the length and thickness of a cucumber
 she could buy for a penny. The second old lady nodded, adding that onions
 used to be much bigger and cheaper also, and demonstrated the size of two
 big onions she could buy for a penny a piece. The third old lady remarked,
 "I can't hear a word you're saying, but I remember the guy you're talking
 about."
 ************************************************************************
 ********************
  A little old lady was sitting on a park bench in The Villages, a
 Florida Adult community.
  A man walked over and sat down on the other end of the bench.
 After a few moments, the woman asks, "Are you a stranger here?"
  He replies, "I lived here years ago."
  "So, where were you all these years?"
  "In prison," he says.
 "Why did they put you in prison?"
  He looked at her, and very quietly said, "I killed my wife."
  "Oh!" said the woman. "So you're single..."

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 ********************************
 Another two elderly people living in Stonecrest, he was a widower and
 she a widow, had known each other for a number of years. One evening there
 was a community supper in the big arena in the Clubhouse.
 The two were at the same table, across from one another.  As the meal
 went on, he took a few admiring glances at her and finally gathered the
 courage to ask her, "Will you marry me?"
 After about six seconds of 'careful consideration,' she answered "Yes.
 Yes, I will!"
 The meal ended and, with a few more pleasant exchanges, they went to
 their respective places.

 Next morning, he was troubled. "Did she say 'yes' or did she say
 'no'?" He couldn't remember.  Try as he might, he just could not recall. Not
 even a faint memory. With trepidation, he went to the telephone and called
 her.

 First, he explained that he didn't rem ember as well as he used to.
 Then he reviewed the lovely evening past. As he gained a little more courage,
 he inquired, "When I asked if you would marry me, did you say 'Yes' or
 did you say 'No'?"

 He was delighted to hear her say, "Why, I said, 'Yes, yes I will' and
 I meant it with all my heart." Then she continued, "I am so glad that
 you called, because I couldn't remember who had asked me."
  * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
 *************************
  * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  .'"

 , MORRIS PAIN FULLY  GETS  UP ON  STOOL AT THE ICECREAM COUNTER
 After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split. The waitress
 asked kindly, "Crushed nuts?"

  "No," he replied, "arthritis."
 "LIFE IS WHAT YOU MAKE OF IT----KIND OF LIKE PLAY-DOH