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Collusion, Conspiracy and Illicit Numerical Sex

Published:

Last Edited: April 12, 2005, 2:10 pm

News Flash

It seems certain the strange collusion between the numbers trafficking between Mega Millions Lottery and Power Bolls Lottery has experts and law enforcement officials baffled.  The possible connection between this phenomenon and the equally unpalatable fact that Power Bolls Lottery is unable to go more than a few draws before someone wins, has caused a mass-migration of potential Power Bolls potentates.  Lemming-like, they've swarmed from their homes to live in tents and under bridges in Mega Millions states.

Dwight David Einstein, spokesman for one of the areas where this is happening, states emphatically:  "This has to stop!  Millions of jobs that don't need doing aren't getting done.  Thousands of wives and children aren't being beaten, as they're accustomed to being. 

"The entire fabric of western civilization is threatened, provided a meteor strike or deadly microorganism we developed and sold to a friendly country in the Middle East (when we still had friends in the Middle East) doesn't destroy us first."

The jackpot climbing and dropping within an unprecedented range of 35 cents to half-a-dollar or so, has caused new heights of deep thinking and new lows of enthusiasm among Power Bolls players, who would prefer not to win much larger sums of money than the current jackpots allow.  One player, who lives under a bridge in Phoenix, tapped impatiently on his shopping cart, visibly distraught:  "It isn't even worth buying a ticket when the jackpots are only $10 million.  We have a RIGHT to jackpots large enough to change the quality of our lives!"

Albert Eisenhower, normer president of Citizens Against Pre-Marital Sex Between Number-Members of Unrelated Lotteries and For a Matrix (whatever that is) Change, explained, "We're victims of a conspiracy of numbers here.  Those Power Bolls states were picked to be in that Lottery because they were less populated, usually normer cotton growing states located along Ley lines that can only be detected by Ley Line Detectors, which no one's been considerated enough to invent yet.  People in those states aren't supposed to win.  They're supposed to lose and lose and lose until those jackpots get so big the entire state populations are spending all of every paycheck buying tickeees in hopes of winning more money than they can imagine ($340 Million).

"Instead, the Power Bolls numbers have been marrying their first cousins on Mega Millions every draw, resulting in hundreds of 11s, 22s, 33s, and 44s.  There's also an unsubstantiated rumor that sixes are changing to nines, 14s are changing to 41s, and that there's `way more banjo and guitar picking going on in the ether than there's ever been before.  Meanwhile, the MM numbers are pretending innocence, ignorance and building the expected prizes."

Here's a smoking gun-barrel indictment of what's really happening.  Power Bolls is first, then MM, then PB, etc, roughly ad infinitum:

 

4/9/2005

1

11

35

46

53

29

4/8/2005

5

13

17

33

35

35

4/6/2005

5

11

14

22

51

17

4/5/2005

4

19

45

51

52

22

4/2/2005

5

9

11

17

46

39

4/1/2005

11

19

28

32

45

10

3/30/2005

22

28

32

33

39

42

3/29/2005

7

17

18

30

42

38

3/26/2005

9

12

35

41

51

36

3/25/2005

11

18

19

45

49

2

3/23/2005

23

29

37

40

45

38

Despite the photo-op potential, the White House had no comment.

Entry #13

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