READ SLOWLY

1. A day without sunshine is like night.

2. On the other hand, you have different fingers.

3. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the
spot.( I said, 'Read slowly' )

4. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

5. Remember, half the people you know are below
average.

6. He who laughs last thinks the slowest.

7. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

8. The early bird may get the worm, but the second
mouse gets the cheese in the trap.

9. Support bacteria. They're the only culture some
people have.

10. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad
memory.

11. Change is inevitable, except from vending
machines.

12. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple
of payments.

13. How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis?
Raise my hand.

14. OK, so what's the speed of dark?

15. When everything is coming your way, you're in
the wrong lane.

16. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays
off now.

17. How much deeper would the ocean be without
sponges?

18. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked
into jet engines

19. What happens if you get scared half to death,
twice?

20. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

21. Inside every older person is a younger person
wondering, 'What the heck happened?'

22. Just remember -- if the world didn't suque, we
would all fall off.

23. Light travels faster than sound. That's why some
people appear bright until you hear them speak.

24. Life isn't like a box of chocolates; it's more
like a jar of jalapeno's. What you do today, might burn your arse
tomorrow