(some of these are so accurate...)
How Many Does It Take to Change a Lightbulb?
ARIES: Just one. Wanna make something of it?
TAURUS: Well, I prefer natural light if at all possible. Are you absolutely positive that lightbulb is burned out? I hate to throw it away if it still might be useful.
GEMINI: Probably one is best, because if there is more than one, they'll get so wrapped up in talking to each other that they'll forget all about the lightbulb.
CANCER: Only one, but three therapists will be needed to help with the grieving process. OR: Only one, as long as his mommy holds his hand.
LEO: Leos do not change their own lightbulbs. They find someone else to do it for them.
VIRGO: 1.11111119873, give or take .00000000000013%.
LIBRA: Well, I could do it, unless of course you'd prefer to do it, but you look sort of busy right now. What do you want to do?
SCORPIO: One, from across the room, if they've learned their teleporting lessons well enough. OR: None, because Scorpios aren't afraid of the dark.
SAGITTARIUS: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got the rest of our lives ahead of us, and you're worrying about a stupid light bulb?
CAPRICORN: I don't have time for these foolish jokes.
AQUARIUS: Well, you see, energy is really matter and matter is really energy and light is a form of energy but the light bulb is matter, and--
PISCES: What light bulb? <---(I'm gonna just leave this one alone...)