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The 'Devil' Writes Pat Robertson A Letter


Last Edited: January 20, 2010, 5:06 am

The 'Devil' Writes Pat Robertson A Letter

By Frank James

The Minneapolis Star-Tribune published a letter from Satan to evangelist Pat Robertson, responding to his comment that Haiti's persistent troubles, including the earthquake, are due to a pact the nation made with Mephistopheles.

Actually, it wasn't Satan who wrote the letter but Lilly Coyle of Minneapolis writing in the persona of the hellish one.

I think she got it down pretty well. What say you?

Dear Pat Robertson,

I know that you know that all press is good press, so I appreciate the shout-out. And you make God look like a big mean bully who kicks people when they are down, so I'm all over that action.

But when you say that Haiti has made a pact with me, it is totally humiliating. I may be evil incarnate, but I'm no welcher. The way you put it, making a deal with me leaves folks desperate and impoverished.

Sure, in the afterlife, but when I strike bargains with people, they first get something here on earth -- glamour, beauty, talent, wealth, fame, glory, a golden fiddle. Those Haitians have nothing, and I mean nothing. And that was before the earthquake. Haven't you seen "Crossroads"? Or " Yankees"?

If I had a thing going with Haiti, there'd be lots of banks, skyscrapers, SUVs, exclusive night clubs, Botox -- that kind of thing. An 80 percent poverty rate is so not my style. Nothing against it -- I'm just saying: Not how I roll.

You're doing great work, Pat, and I don't want to clip your wings -- just, come on, you're making me look bad. And not the good kind of bad. Keep blaming God. That's working. But leave me out of it, please. Or we may need to renegotiate your own contract.

Best, Satan


Entry #7


Rick GComment by Rick G - January 20, 2010, 5:22 am
Good one!
Comment by joker17 - January 20, 2010, 8:36 am
rdgrnrComment by rdgrnr - January 20, 2010, 9:11 am
I would need more details on that Golden Fiddle. I wadn't born yesterday, ya know.
konaneComment by konane - January 20, 2010, 11:05 am
Agree, good one! Since that statement been wondering if Robertson is contemplating a presidential run again. For the record politely put I've never cared for him.
MADDOG10Comment by MADDOG10 - January 20, 2010, 9:21 pm
Pat Robertson is now making a pact with the Bejubees, trying to cure his hoof and mouth dialect...!

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