Tips that may make travel in East Tennessee more enjoyable.

"Half wore out" means you have at least 30,000 miles on a "tar".

"Rernt" means you have over 60,000 miles on a "tar". When you ruin something, it's rernt. And when something's rernt, it's rernt fer good. If you have a blowout on the highway and the tire guy asks how many miles you have on the tars, just tell him new, half wore out or rernt. Numbers just confuse the issue. 

If you order a hamburger with "everything on it" in East Tennessee you will get a hamburger with chili and mustard and onions on it. Sorry.

If you order a hot dog with "everything on it" you will get a hot dog with chili and mustard and onions on it. Sorry.

If you're from a large city and are looking for a good pizza, wait until you get back to your large city. There is no good pizza in East Tennessee. Italian Cuisine in East Tennessee is referred to as "Eye-talyun Food" and primarily consists of noodles and ketchup.

Country Cafes that advertise "Home Cooking" actually do provide home cooking. The problem with that is what they cook at home. They cook all frozen crap from Walmart at home and that is all they serve in their cafes. Yes sir, fresh from the Walmart bag in the freezer to the microwave and on to your plate, yum. 

If you want to experience those good southern grits that "all" the southerners eat just keep going. We don't eat grits in East Tennessee. We're biscuit eaters. We eat biscuits with everything. Grits ain't nothin' but skinned corn. We don't like our corn skinned. We like biscuits and gravy. In fact, gravy is considered a beverage here.

If you are religious and passing through on Sunday and stop at a church in the mountains that looks like an old gas station, chances are that you will be handed a poisonous snake at some point in the services. Don't jump in horror or the snake will bite the livin' daylights out of you. It is best to remain calm. You'll be just fine. And don't drink the Strychnine  that they pass around unless your faith is very strong.

If you are from the north and stop for directions or otherwise engage an East Tennessean in conversation don't be rude. If you can't understand what we're saying just keep nodding your head like you do and then move along and get directions in the next state. Don't keep saying what?... what?... what?... That gets very annoying. We can't understand what the hell you're saying half the time either.

I hope this helps in your travel plans.

Happy motoring.