Pastor who banned Facebook had three-way sex affair

Rev. Cedric Miller told church's leadership social media site is portal to infidelity

Nancy Shields • STAFF WRITER • November 20, 2010

In this Jan. 2010 file photo, the Rev. Cedric Miller preaches at his Neptune church. Miller, the pastor who gained national attention this week when he banned his church's leadership from using Facebook because he said it is a portal to infidelity, had himself engaged in a three-way sex affair with his wife and a man a decade ago, according to testimony he gave in a criminal case. (PHOTO: ASBURY PARK PRESS

The Rev. Cedric Miller didn't need Facebook to be part of an extramarital affair.

Miller, 48, who gained national attention this week when the pastor banned his church's leaders from using Facebook because he said it is a portal to infidelity, had himself engaged in a three-way relationship with his wife and a man a decade ago, according to testimony he gave in a criminal case.

Miller, pastor of the 1,100-member Living Word Christian Fellowship Church on Route 35, admitted in his testimony to a sexual relationship that included his wife and a church assistant. Sometimes the assistant's wife was present, he testified.

The testimony was given in connection with a criminal case against the assistant that was eventually dismissed.

"It has come to my attention that a very painful part of my past has resurfaced,'' Miller said in an e-mail response Friday, stating that the same testimony was mailed to his church leaders and other pastors a number of years ago. 

"This was resolved at that time and accordingly we will not allow it to detract from our mission at hand to save as many marriages as we can,'' Miller wrote.

On Tuesday, Miller said he would order his church leaders to give up Facebook in his Sunday sermon, claiming old boyfriends and girlfriends surfacing on the social network website were causing marriages to break down.

Miller said most of his marriage counseling stems from breakdowns, including infidelities, when couples link up on Facebook with former friends or lovers. 

He said Tuesday there was a reason why "your past is the past and hopefully you have grown in the Lord, matured to not link up with a past that for many people is a Christless past.'' 

In his 2003 testimony, Miller said the encounters sometimes took place on Monday nights, during Thursday Bible study and Sunday after church. At another point in the testimony he said the sexual encounters between himself, his wife and the aide took place in his house. 

He testified that the encounters "came to a crashing halt'' when several women in the church accused the assistant of sleeping with them. 

"My wife found out about it and she just wanted nothing to do with what was going on with us,'' Miller testified. "And I didn't know what it was for awhile. And it wasn't till, as the other women came out publicly, that's when I found out about it. So, at first I didn't know why she just didn't want any part of it.'' 

In his e-mail on Friday, Miller said: "There are some very innocent people who could be hurt irreparably by the revisiting of this incident. 

"I also stole a honey bun from a store when I was 7 or 8 which I was also reminded of,'' he said. "As with the Facebook issue, context is always important. I will be providing that context this Sunday morning. In the same vein, had I known the proceedings of that case would be public information, I would have provided the appropriate context at that time. 

"In conclusion, my life as a minister, husband, father and friend has led me to the conviction that I must do all that I can to help as many people strengthen, preserve and repair the often times fragile cords of marriage,'' Miller wrote Friday. 

The pastor said earlier this week he also planned to leave Facebook when he forced his leaders to choose between Facebook or their jobs. He said his wife had his password for his Facebook account, as did one of the church elders.