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Last Edited: January 16, 2011, 2:24 pm

So I went to the club last night to meet the la-dies. I left the walker at home and opted for the cane. The leisure suit still fit nicely and I donned a jaunty cap to complete the package.  After adding a splash of Old Spice I was good to go.

I wasn't aware the cover charge had increased so much. The bouncer charged me $100 to enter (and he kept calling me a pimp)! But the three-hour wait was well worth it...sitting at the bar were a couple lovelies and next to them an open seat with my name on it.

After ordering my Tanqueray and tonic, I mentally rehearsed my opening line. The old standby "What's your sign?" used to work in the 70's so I thought I'd give it a shot. After all, it had been a long time since I'd gone clubbing.

When a lull in their conversation presented itself, I blurted, "What's your sign?" to the hottie sitting next to me. Both broke into a fit of laughter so I offered to buy them a drink, thinking I had broken some serious ice.

"O-foo-kus", she finally replied.

My mind raced as I tried to decipher what 'o-foo-kus' meant. "Pardon me?" I asked.

"O-foo-kus", she repeated.

Blushing, I asked, "What's 'o-foo-kus' ?" At this point my heart was pounding with fantasies of a threesome in the king's lair with these apparently foreign beauties.

"It's a new sun sign!", her companion explained. "Now there are 13 constellations of the zodiac." She then spelled it out, "o-p-h-i-u-c-h-u-s."

I was disappointed that my translation was wrong but even more troubled that I had just purchased an expensive astrology software package. Everything would have to be re-formatted to accomodate this interloper of the cosmos. They had to be pulling my leg, making fun of the 'old guy'.

"When is your birthday?", she continued.

"December fourth", I answered.  "I'm a sagittarius."

"Omiggod!" they exclaimed in unison. "You're an ophiuchus!"

Suddenly feeling like a unicorn, I finished my drink, bid my adieu and headed home unaccompanied to the king's lair.  I vowed to never do drugs before going clubbing again!

As I fell into slumber my thoughts drifted to unicorns, threesomes and a shadowy entity named Ophiuchus who wanted to spoil it all.

Entry #270


sully16Comment by sully16 - January 16, 2011, 2:59 pm
hehehehe my son is a ooofuchus
Rick GComment by Rick G - January 16, 2011, 3:16 pm
Sully, yeah...my son and I both got ofuch-ized...so much for the Sagittarius pendant he gave me for Christmas...lol
Comment by joker17 - January 16, 2011, 4:19 pm
Can someone clue me in cause I don't get it.
truecriticComment by truecritic - January 16, 2011, 5:19 pm
This might help many...
Ophiuchus : Who is Ophiuchus, The New Zodiac Sign | Long Island Press:
Rick GComment by Rick G - January 16, 2011, 7:24 pm
Thanks for the link, truecritic.
MADDOG10Comment by MADDOG10 - January 16, 2011, 9:11 pm
Say rick, doesn't he play for the Bengals...?      LOL.
WILLWRK4NUMBERSComment by WILLWRK4NUMBERS - January 21, 2011, 1:29 pm
How great a feeling to feel like a Unicorn. I'd say that's a great interpretation: Mystical, strong, wild and fiercely gentle.

You know I'm not Catholic or anything like that, but I always look for references anywhere I can find them. With that said:

The unicorn referred to in (The Bible) Numbers 24:8 and also in Numbers 23:22, Job 39:9 and Psalm 92:10 is the extinct aurochs or wild ox.
Step your game up! Old Spice is out. You may want to do Patchouli and Nag Champa Mist. LOL

P.S. Ophiuchus isn't new: The earliest mention of the constellation is in Aratus, informed by the lost catalogue of Eudoxus of Cnidus (4th century BC):[8]

    To the Phantom's back the Crown is near, but by his head mark near at hand the head of Ophiuchus, and then from it you can trace the starlit Ophiuchus himself: so brightly set beneath his head appear his gleaming shoulders. They would be clear to mark even at the mid-month moon, but his hands are not at all so bright; for faint runs the gleam of stars along on this side and on that. Yet they too can be seen, for they are not feeble. Both firmly clutch the Serpent, which encircles the waist of Ophiuchus, but he, steadfast with both his feet well set, tramples a huge monster, even the Scorpion, standing upright on his eye and breast. Now the Serpent is wreathed about his two hands – a little above his right hand, but in many folds high above his left.[9]

According to Roman era mythography, the figure represents the healer Asclepius, who learned the secrets of keeping death at bay after observing one serpent bringing another healing herbs. To prevent the entire human race from becoming immortal under Asclepius' care, Zeus killed him with a bolt of lightning, but later placed his image in the heavens to honor his good works.

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