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To my Southern friends and relatives ...

Published:

Came in email, hope you enjoy!  Language may offend some so proceed at your own risk 'specially if you're not southern.

_______

To my Southern friends and relatives

Southern women know their summer weather report:
Humidity
Humidity
Humidity

Southern women know their vacation spots:
The beach
The rivuh
The crick

Southern women know everybody's first name:
Honey
Darlin'
Shugah

Southern women know the movies that speak to their hearts:
Fried Green Tomatoes
Driving Miss Daisy
Steel Magnolias
Gone With The Wind

Southern women know their religions:
Baptist
Methodist
Football

Southern women know their cities dripping with Southern charm:
Chawl'stn
S'vanah
Foat Wuth
N'awlins
Addlanna

Southern women know their elegant gentlemen:
Men in uniform
Men in tuxedos
Rhett Butler

Southern girls know their prime real estate:
The Mall
The Country Club
The Beauty Salon

Southern girls know the 3 deadly sins:
Having bad hair and nails
Having bad manners
Cooking bad food

More Suthen-ism's:
Only a Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a
conniption fit, and that you don't "HAVE" them, you "PITCH" them.
_____

Only a Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens,
peas, beans, etc., make up "a mess."
_____

Only a Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of
"yonder."
_____

Only a Southerner knows exactly how long "directly" is, as in: "Going to
town, be back directly."
_____

Even Southern babies know that "Gimme some sugar" is not a request for the
white, granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl in the
middle of the table.
_____

All Southerners know exactly when "by and by" is. They might not use the
term, but they know the concept well.
_____

Only a Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for
a neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big
bowl of cold potato salad.
If the neighbor's trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large
banana puddin!
_____

Only Southerners grow up knowing the difference between "right near" and
"a right far piece." They also know that "just down the road" can be 1
mile or 20
_____

Only a Southerner, both knows and understands, the difference between a
redneck, a good ol' boy, and po' white trash.
_____

No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn
signal is actually going to make a turn.
_____

A Southerner knows that "fixin" can be used as a noun, a verb, or an adverb.
_____

Only Southerners make friends while standing in lines, ... and when we're
"in line,"... we talk to everybody!
_____

Put 100 Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they're
related, even if only by marriage.
_____

In the South, y'all is singular, all y'all is plural.
_____

Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them.
_____

Every Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits, and coffee are
perfectly wonderful; that red eye gravy is also a breakfast food; and that
fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food.
_____

When you hear someone say, "Well, I caught myself lookin'," you know you
are in the presence of a genuine Southerner!
_____

Only true Southerners say "sweet tea" and "sweet milk." Sweet tea
indicates the need for sugar and lots of it -- we do not like our tea
unsweetened. "Sweet milk" means you don't want buttermilk.
_____

And a true Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities at little old
ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway.
You just say,"Bless her heart"... and go your own way.
_____

To those of you who are still a little embarrassed by your Southerness:
Take two tent revivals and a dose of sausage gravy and call me in the
morning. Bless your heart!
________


And to those of you who are still having a hard time understanding all
this Southern stuff...bless your hearts, I hear they are fixin' to have
classes on Southernness as a second language!
_____

And for those that are not from the South but have lived here for a long
time, all y'all need a sign to hang on y'all's front porch that reads "I
ain't from the South, but I got here as fast as I could."
________

Southern girls know men may come and go, but friends are fahevah !

_______

Now Shugah, send this to someone who was raised in the South or wish they
had been! If you're a Northern transplant, bless your little heart, fake
it. We know you got here as fast as you could.

Entry #2,401

Comments

1.
SheritaComment by Sherita - January 26, 2011, 8:28 pm
I like this! LOL!
2.
konaneComment by konane - January 26, 2011, 8:43 pm
Thanks Sherita! Me too.
3.
Rick GComment by Rick G - January 26, 2011, 9:18 pm
I went to school in Arkansas for a year when I was young. Never did kick the y'all habit. And biscuits and gravy is my favorite breakfast.
4.
konaneComment by konane - January 26, 2011, 9:26 pm
Thanks Rick! I jokingly say you can feed a southern man a tennis shoe if it's smothered in enough gravy. Did you ever acquire a taste for grits?
5.
Comment by joker17 - January 26, 2011, 9:42 pm
Kiss my grits...lol
Those were funny...thanx...
6.
konaneComment by konane - January 26, 2011, 9:43 pm
Thanks Joker! Thought so too.
7.
MADDOG10Comment by MADDOG10 - January 26, 2011, 9:45 pm
Now you're talkin,
grits with eggs over easy mixed together thats what I'm talkin about. Pass the shug-gah please...!
Lord oh mercy....!   Red eye with biscuits....!!!!!!
8.
konaneComment by konane - January 26, 2011, 9:59 pm
Thanks Maddog! Yesiree eggs, sausage or bacon crumbles all mixed in fresh steaming grits. Heaven on a plate!
9.
Comment by joker17 - January 26, 2011, 10:34 pm
When I was a kid, I literally couldn't wait for my aunt to finish this Iranian dish made for breakfast. It was similar to creamed beef, but this was done from scratch. She would get up at 4 am and boil the beef until it fell apart. At the same time she would cook these certain type of oats that took a long time to cook. The process took about 3 to 4 hours. Once it was fiished, she would place it in a bowl and i would sprinkle sugar and cinnamon on it. It was shredded beef in a creamy oat mixture that was sent from heaven. I miss those simple days.
10.
konaneComment by konane - January 26, 2011, 10:49 pm
Thanks Joker! That sounds like a very interesting and tasty dish I've never heard of before. Sounds good!
11.
Comment by joker17 - January 26, 2011, 10:59 pm
i didn't mention the name...It's called ...Pheonetically spelled.....Haleem. The "a" in Hallem is pronounced softly. Like a man's name...Hal....
12.
konaneComment by konane - January 26, 2011, 11:15 pm
Thanks Joker! Gonna see if I can find a recipe or YouTube recipe video.
13.
sully16Comment by sully16 - January 26, 2011, 11:37 pm
Thanks Konane,
14.
Comment by joker17 - January 26, 2011, 11:41 pm
here's one Konane, but in this receipe I don't remember the turkey, just beef and oats, sugar butter and cinnamon.

http://shahrzaad.wordpress.com/2008/09/07/iranian-recipe-haleem/
15.
CARBOBComment by CARBOB - January 27, 2011, 6:31 am
I spent 20 years in the USAF, and my drawl was pretty heavy, the first 5 or 6 years. Every so often, some doctor would suggest I see a speach therapist. My immediate reply was always, Why? Very nice of you to share, good stuff. Madddog, my favorite breakfast is a 3-egg omelet, with any and everything, but the kitchen sink, smothered with SOS.
16.
sully16Comment by sully16 - January 27, 2011, 8:16 am
when ever we go to North Carolina, my sister-in-laws family always puts on a pig-picken, best bbq you ever wanted to eat.
17.
konaneComment by konane - January 27, 2011, 8:52 am
Thanks Sully! Pig-chicken bbq sounds awesome. Yum!
18.
konaneComment by konane - January 27, 2011, 8:58 am
Thanks Joker! Recipe looks great. Think you could substitute rolled oats (can be bought in bulk from some health food stores, and have found them at Whole Foods) for the wheat. We eat a lot of my 'experiments' (most turn out pretty good) so just may try this one. Always looking for a new dish. Thanks!
19.
konaneComment by konane - January 27, 2011, 9:01 am
Thanks Carbob! What's a drawl?????? Asked by someone born and lived in Georgia all my life. Many drawls here in the south, depending on which area someone comes from. Just 'cause we talk slow doesn't mean we think slow. ;-)

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