Holiday Eating Tips 

1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday 
buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, 
if you see carrots, leave immediately.  Go next door, where 
they're serving rum balls. 

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly.  Like fine 
single-malt scotch, it's rare.  In fact, it's even rarer 
than single-malt scotch.  You can't find it any other time 
of year but now. So drink up!  Who cares that it has 10,000 
calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn 
into an eggnog-alcoholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy 
it. 

3. If something comes with gravy, use it! That's the whole 
point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make 
a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. 
Eat the volcano. Repeat. 

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with 
skim milk or whole milk.  If it's skim, pass. Why bother? 
It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission. 

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort 
to control your eating. The whole point of going to a 
Christmas party is to  eat other people's food for free. 
Lots of it. 

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now 
and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have 
nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which 
you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying 
a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog. 

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet 
table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size 
of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have 
as many as you can before becoming the centre of attention. 
They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them 
behind, you're never going to see them again. 

8. Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of 
each. Or, if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and 
one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have 
more than one dessert? Labor Day? 

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with 
the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. 
I mean, have some standards. 

10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave 
the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying 
attention. Reread tips; start over, but hurry, January is 
just around the corner.