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Jokes of the Universe

Published:

Well, first I must give credit to Rip Snorter and his blog entries that have inspired me to write here.  Tonight is night 3 of my plan to drink red wine and pull my own tooth.  The other night I did a google search on pulling one"s own tooth. There"s no way I am going to pay $165 or whatever the rate has gone up to now, for some Nazi dentist to do the little 20 second deed for so much money. Come to think of it, that must be how guys feel about paying a lot of money to hookers for there short time! LOL Anyway, I suppose the last two nights after wine etc. the pain lessened and I sorta got involved in other things and conviniently forgot about pulling my tooth, which is a moeler that I prolly ground too much in my sleep and hence uprooted it and now it is very loose and hurts.  The only consolation I can think of about this revolting development is that a lot of runway models get their back teeth taken out so their cheeks will look more guant (sp?) hence, thin and beautiful!!! LOL . So on the google search of "how to pull your own tooth" about 4 items down was a link for "how to s*** your own di **which I couldn't use, didn't click on, but for some reason pictured breifly the machanics thereof.  The website I landed on gave many good reasons and explainations of why I should not attempt to pull my own tooth but then described how I should go about it and the aftercare following . This whole thing reminds me of an Indian squaw, oopps, not politically correct. Okay, an Indian woman, I picture going off to be by herself, to dig a hole in the ground to squat over and drop her baby in.  All by herself, natural if you will.  And a seemingly better position I might add, to give birth , instead of flat on one's back!

But I digress.  I remeber my old dentist, Dr. Sweet was his name.  What are the odds of that?  I was in the chair, he was about to dive into my mouth and I asked, " Did you like your Mother?" , trying to get a clue, was he a Nazi type dentist or what?  He replied, "yes, and she had a sweater just like yours". LOL

Oh my, I'm getting low on wine and will have to attempt the deed pretty soon. Please bare with me, feeling "verklempt".  I'm not Jewish, just like the humor. . . Actually I had a Jewish boyfriend once from New Jersey.  He played harmonica in a country western band. . . go figure  . . . but I digress again ..  ok, here's the real deal, I want to pull my tooth and get past this, for crying out loud it's the Christmas season, I want to get out there and have some fun, duh!  I will hurt, and then have to bite on the guaze thingy for 2 hours and hope to form a clot and hope I don't lose it and sheesh they said no smoking for 48 hrs. well no way there, prolly propaganda anyway. Oh yeah, the website said on the bottom it's more likely to get a dry socket which you don't want to get. No wonder I'm procrastinateing and on nite number 3!!! A dry socket, very bad news. If one looses one's blood clot then a dry socket can happen that can last 6 months or so, etc, with pain etc, sheesh!!! Ok, forget that, because I',m going for it . Al l I have to decide is to use the regular plyers or the needle nose plyers?  I think I'm going with the needle nose, they were a gift from my Pop years ago were I started making jewlry.  Speaking of Pop, he pulled all my teeth when I was a kid.  Funny thing about it is I don't remember any pain.  I remember a little scene, like a ceremony sort of.  Perhaps a rite of passage.  Hang on, I think I'm ready to give it a go . . .

Well, I've succeeded at liberating the Foxbrook California 2004 Merlot and I must say restling with the French corkscrew gave me the heebie jeebies thinking about restling with my tooth.  Actually, I've thought about it and the only way to go is QUICK and DETERMINED!!! Don't try this at home. . . I've got to do this and that's that. Oh sure, I could go Monday at 8am to the freebie place but that's a weekend away!  Besides, the website says all these things that can go wrong, I might end up there anyway.  How does the rest of the world deal with pulling their own tooth?  Is this some kind of cosmic joke on me ? I mean recently I received  an astrology email that said I had built up cosmic karmic credit! Yeah, I can see that  but I blew it royally on 10/31. So now is the consolation prize hovering over a sink with needle nose plyers trying to pull my own sore, sick tooth?  Perhaps this is a question I should not ask. . . All is fair in love and war etc, etc. Ok, one more ciggy butt and I swear I'm gona give it a go. . .

The last time  had a tooth pulled I remember they had a gizmo that fit over the tooth and instead of rocking it back and forth like the website says they twisted it.  Well.,  I've been rocking it for days and I think when I find the needle nose plyers I  will just do the twist thingy and be done with it!!!!  It was nice of the website to inform me of the reason for the pain in diverse places.  It said that the brain can't tell once the pain gets into the jaw bone where it's coming from.  So, that's why my tongue hurts plus upper teeth etc. Sheessh, I  just want to get this over with.  Ok, here I go to find the needle nose plyers. . . there's something really lonely about this whole thing. . .

ok, I found the needle nose.  When I was a kid I had a dentist named Van Buren, yeah a German name.  He didn't care about me, he wa s a NAZI DENTIST!!!!I should have sued him yrs later when I grew up.!!!!

Suddenly I don't know why I'm telling you this! Perhaps I hope someone can relate and it will help them. G*d help us all. . .ok the time of reconing has arrived. I will return after going into the bathroom where I have gauze cut to size etc. Sheesh, it's now  2:13  am and I will have to bite on the guaze for 2 hours after the deed. Well, I have lots of Christmas card to write , sheesh.

OH %^&*($#@ I blew it, put tork on the twist and too painful, backed off. Took 800 milg. ibprofin and just want to crash. Had a sneezing fit, (?)

 

 

Entry #1

Comments

1.
Comment by LOTTOMIKE - December 16, 2005, 6:12 am
last one i had pulled in the back on the left side i got a dry socket.
now i got one needing to be pulled in the back on the right side.guess what its been being put off quite a while.i hate having to get that done more than anything in the world.the money makes it even more of a pain in the butt......
2.
Comment by Rip Snorter - December 16, 2005, 8:06 am
Hi TA

Hope you got some sleep and woke with a fresh determination. That torque thing last night might just be what you needed to loosen it enough so it comes right out without any protest this morning.

Hang in there. Pluck that mama out and get on with your life. If you're blessed with a dry socket maybe there's some advantage nobody's told you about.

Good blog entry. Thanks for sharing it.

J
3.
TigerAngelComment by TigerAngel - December 16, 2005, 5:24 pm
Thanks for your kind words Rip and LottoMike. I slept like a rock then woke up worried about what did I type last nite,lol. Perhaps I shouldn't drink & blog like don't drink and dial. . .
4.
emilygComment by emilyg - December 18, 2005, 11:33 pm
update please. is it out???
5.
AmuzingP3sComment by AmuzingP3s - December 19, 2005, 2:44 am
I hope this is just a joke and not true and if it's true, I hope you can get some help. Whatever it is, you had me literally rolling on the floor laughing. This is the funniest thing I have read in a while. But, I had a dentist a few years ago, who did my first and only root canal. It was my first time to his office and he told me that he had done his first root canal to himself because he thought that was the best way to learn. I think he didn't find anyone to let him do it. He said that's what made him become so good at it. I was trusting him so much, and man, that guy kept drilling and drilling and drilling real deep and even with anesthesia I was screaming from the pain. He wouldn't stop drilling and kept ignoring me. He was acting like a maniac. What a demon he was. It got to a point that my pain was so strong that out of desperation I pushed his hand and the drill went up in the air and down on the floor still going on. He got mad at me and screamed at me and I screamed back at him and told him he was hurting me. He gave me more anesthesia and finished the job. But as you may have guessedit, that was the first and last time I was at that office. And that taught me to like my previous dentist a lot more. I had left him because I thought he was bad! You never know what you have until after you have lost it! I went back to my original dentist and begged him to take me back.

Take care. You made my day.

AmuzingP3s
6.
TigerAngelComment by TigerAngel - December 19, 2005, 9:36 pm
Thanks for your comments Amuze. No it's no joke. I ran out of booze and thought I'd be at the dentist this AM but no. I'm swooshing it periodically with hydrogen peroxide and it's getting looser. Hope I can just pull it out soon. LOL glad you laff at my pain! LOLOLOL I just hope it doesn't poison my brain, then I'll be more insane than I already am. If that happens you'll be able to tell by my posts, lol. Hi Em, I'm getting ready to post a poem.
7.
Comment by pacattack05 - December 20, 2005, 3:33 am
Two thumbs up!!

I like your poems too. Nice change.

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