"Performance Evaluations" 

These useful quotes are from actual federal employee 
performance evaluations: 

* Since my last report, this employee has reached rock 
  bottom and has started to dig. 

* I would not allow this employee to breed. 

* This employee is really not so much of a has-been but more 
  of a definite won't-be. 

* When she opens her mouth, it seems that it is only to 
  change feet. 

* He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle. 

* Got a full six-pack but lacks the plastic thing to hold it 
  all together. 

* A gross ignoramus - 144 times worse than an ordinary 
  ignoramus. 

* He has been working with glue too much. 

* If you see two people talking, and one looks bored, he is 
  the other one. 

* A photographic memory but with the lens covered glued on. 
 
* Donated his brain to science before he was done using it. 

* Gates are down, the lights are flashing but the train is 
  not coming. 

* Has two brains: one is lost and the other is out looking 
  for it. 

* If he were any more stupid, he would have to be watered 
twice a week. 

* If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean. 

* It is hard to believe that he beat out 1,000,000 other 
  sperm. 

* Takes him two hours to watch 60 Minutes. 

* The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead.